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AIBU re TEEN SUPPORT GROUP??

6 replies

PorridgePot · 09/12/2016 11:29

dd is nearly 15.
she suffers with anxiety, low self esteem and has been self harming. she has had counselling for almost a year. i have been desperately worried about her and support her in every way that i can think of.

however, her roller coaster of emotions is impacting massively on the whole family and i feel totally burnt out with dealing with the situation. i have been repeatedly ill over the last 7 weeks, to the point that if i catch one more thing i will be seeing the GP to ask for a blood test. i feel that the impact of managing dd is a key factor in me being so run down.

dd has sooo much going for her in terms of her talents and attributes, but her self esteem is just through the floor. she has such a fixed, negative view of herself in all areas from academics, to body image. you name it. She won't pursue any of her interests e.g. acting and dance due to low confidence and fear of being judged.

she has been referred to a arts based support group for teens that is nurturing in just the way that i think she needs, but she doesn't want to go, of course.

obviously the rational side of me knows that bribery and coercion is wrong, but another side of me wants to scream at her 'how about you try to do something to help yourself and actually make some changes?!' (rather than just expecting the rest of the family to live with the fall out of your emotional roller coaster).

any advice, pleased?

OP posts:
PorridgePot · 09/12/2016 11:42

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OP posts:
Shineyshoes10 · 09/12/2016 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PorridgePot · 09/12/2016 13:13

Hi shiny, thanks so much for your reply. she has said no to every suggestion. and 1:1 would be more excruciating for her, i think.

this is a music group. it'd be perfect, imo, so maybe i just need to bribe her to attend the fist 2 sessions, then accept if she wants to stop.

supposedly a CBT approach is being used in her counselling, but i can't see that its have an impact of her self esteem, but its useful to have safe place to talk.

i do try to be really up front and a bit jokey with any bribes e.g. saying 'i know bribery is technically wrong, but how about i pay you to do it?' . i figure that this upfront approach might lessen any feeling of manipulation! i did recently bribe her to take part in a school event that she was reneging on due to self esteem issues, and this approach worked.

OP posts:
Shineyshoes10 · 09/12/2016 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crackalacking · 19/12/2016 13:54

Your post is so similar to mine OP
did you manage to get your DD to try CBT ?

TheHoldings · 02/01/2017 09:53

Is there any aspect of her life that she feels good about? Or does she feel she feel low about everything?
It's so hard on these kids - school is very target driven, it's never good enough the next target is always around the corner - I have my suspicions that this can be a bit soul destroying. That coupled with activities outside of school frequently having grades, levels assessments too, the selfie culture/social media encouraging physical perfection - there is no escape from judgement.
I would try and get her doing some exercise, walking, running, the gym, badmington - go with her. Choose activities where no one is assessing and judging her progress. My reluctant teen agreed to playing badmington with me - I'm pretty crap at it so they managed to beat me hand down....but they felt good and had a bit of fun - it's a start.....

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