Getting help for distressed teenager

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My 14yo DD has been struggling with what looks very like depression for about a year. She is persistently unhappy, has rock bottom self esteem, doesn't believe that anyone could care about her,, let her school work (previously good) and her ambitions for herself go, behaved badly enough to be excluded on more than one occasion having started secondary school
a more or less model citizen, has self-harmed, gone awol from school and put herself in some very vulnerable situations where she was lucky not to come to serious harm.

It started when she was the target of some pretty sustained bullying at school, got worse as her friends tired of her low mood and left her feeling utterly isolated around school, and hit a low when she told school and GP that she was unhappy at home because she believed her father didn't love her, thus estranging herself from him (sounds dramatic, but as a depressive with low self-esteem himself, it was an allegation that did a huge amount of harm to their relationship).

I have been trying to get help for her for about a year but am frustrated at every turn by differences of opinion among professional people. School are sympathetic and want her to be OK but don't know how to handle her. Our GP is convinced that she is depressed and is trying to get a referral to CAMHS. CAMHS have said she doesn't meet their threshold for intervention. Meanwhile she spirals into an ever deeper and darker place at the beginning of her GCSE year and her teens are slipping through her fingers.

I have been bounced from pillar to post. Our GP is baffled, saying that he would be able to refer an adult presenting with this level of emotional distress for psychological therapies without hesitation, and can't understand why it is so difficult to get help for a child. Has anyone else had this experience, and how do you cut through??

Im sorry your daughter wad bullied. Its incredibly sole destroying and it does spiral out of control.... I feel your pain.
Can you move schools? Some are more into pastural care than others.

We've talked about that but she very strongly doesn't want to move. She really doesn't want to feel she's been pushed out and she's very nervous about starting anywhere new. Better the devil you know and all that...?I'm also a bit concerned - maybe without foundation - that moving when her self esteem is already at rock bottom might jump her out of the frying pan into the fire. Bullying a year ago was the cause, the result is now a whole problem of its own and a different one I think. x

Have you had any support from your school nurse?

Have been going through some of this and it's absolute hell. Where we live CAMHS isn't fit for purpose. But here's what you do to get some help.

1. Appointment with GP noting that your dd's anxiety/depression/self harm is escalating. Another letter to CAMHS.

1. Send the local trust a note of all the first date, lack of responsiveness, the fact that your dd is getting worse and needs an intervention to prevent escalation to a more critical stage. Say you expect a response within 7 working days.

1. Contact the CCG Care Commissioning Group and ask to speak to the lead commissioner. Ask why your dd hasn't received care and state very clearly that if there is an escalation, you will hold them responsible.

1. Give them 7 working days to respond.

1. Make an appointment to see your local MP at their surgery and ask for help for your dd to receive the care she needs. Notify all the above of the date of the appointment and note how disappointed you are that nobody has offered your family any help. Google your MP and look up the website - there will be contact details and you will get an appointment quite easily. When you meet have facts and figures available about time frames and not your dd is getting worse. Note that if your dd gets worse it will be because local services have failed to support her.

It isn't the way it should be but I was offered individual counselling for dd within two weeks of doing all that. Stay cool, calm and collected, have everything written down and stick to the facts. Repeatedly "my child is suffering and has been let down by your service for x months, please explain to me why you think this is acceptable and how you will take responsibility for the situation if my dd's condition escalates to the next level".

Hopefully that will work.

I really sympathise with you it's bloody awful and there is so little in place to help the parents.

@ripeningapples thank you! For sharing your obviously hard won experience. I hope the outcome for your DD has been good.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow morning after DD unable to cope in school today. I can't bear to see this year slip into the same pattern as last and will camp in his surgery if necessary to secure speedy response. Although your suggestions appear totally sound and practical and I will gratefully set off down that path.

All slightly complicated because she did eight months ago have one referral up to a Tier 3 psychotherapist through CAMHS who she loathed on sight and wouldn't engage with with the result that he refused to refer her on to any of his colleagues so I think perhaps we are now being relegated to end of queue. Although that may be just paranoia talking...

No, it's a crap service generally. The more I read the more important it is for the young person to connect with their therapist. Quote that at them.

This isn't your fault. There's a great thread in teenagers that I'll try to link to tomorrow for you. If you search me, majestic whine and gnome de plume you should find it tonight.

hugs

Has the bullying stopped?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding - it's hard to tell for sure. DD swings between saying "it's not happening any more" to "everyone hates me, everyone's gossiping and making up sh*t about me". Probably neither is true. I think it's significantly less than it was at its worst.

The school child protection officer can also contribute to a Camhs referral. It is normal for a person not to engage with their allocated therapist and need a transfer to one of their colleagues. That was incredibly unhelpful. If it happens again get the managers name and speak to them.

You may need to fight for her, but it's worth it.