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Child mental health

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Original poster

DS really hates school

24 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:04

ds has a statement and has also go a DX of autism and also problems with his feet.

He is 9 and struggling but the lea will not up the funding.

This term alone he has been in detention 5 times out of 12 school days.

I'm at my wits end and completely at a loss of what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:05

He has also been found cheating on a spelling test.

OP posts:

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:10

For example this is his recent feed back as a year 5

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NewLife4Me · 17/09/2015 19:11

why detention? is this because he is struggling?

NanaNina · 17/09/2015 19:15

Piper can I ask who is writing the comments. If it's the teacher I think it's very poor writing, or has your DS written this.

What allowances are being made for your son because of his autism - do you think he should be in main stream school. I know the govt closed down many special schools on the basis of "integration" which I think was just a ruse to save money. It is tough for teachers with 30 kids to have a child with SEneeds, but I can't see how detention is fair to him. Is there a SENCO teacher - if so what help/support are they giving.

It's not surprising your boy hates school - must be an uphill struggle for him everyday. Any possibility of you home educating him?

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:32

The detention was for his behaviour and cheating.

It is the teachers writing.

He is in mainstream but in a SEN class so every child in there has SEN and it's a small class.

There is a SeNco and he has his plans and what the lea thinks he needs.

Did discuss a placement in a Sen school but was told he would not meet the criteria.

OP posts:

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:33

I wish I could HE, but we need 2 incomes and realistically I couldn't do it.

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Looseleaf · 17/09/2015 19:39

Can you move him as It must be hard having to do something you hate every day. It sounds like he isn't being understood or getting the right help but where you find that is very difficult, are they any other schools you could consider?

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 19:40

There is but spaces are limited so children who need it more are higher up.

I am dreading next year when I have to apply for comp school

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Looseleaf · 17/09/2015 19:40

I shouldn't have posted that as you'll have thought of that already, I'm a bit tired! What I'm really trying to say is that I really feel for you and do hope you can find a happy solution somehow

Lowdoorinthewall · 17/09/2015 19:45

What is the adult:child ratio in the SEN class? Is this just an internal arrangement or is it a full Resource Base?

I would be surprised if detentions as a sanction for 'behaviour' was considered appropriate in a well run specialist Resource. If he's had 5 in 12 days it's not working as a strategy is it!!

Looseleaf · 17/09/2015 19:45

Oh no . Can you tell his teachers something needs to urgently change as he isn't getting what he needs and what do they suggest? Ask him what he feels and importantly ask what would help him? Even if it doesn't help he will appreciate being involved maybe.

I think the more fuss you make the better to fight for some sort of change from the current situation

jeronimoh · 17/09/2015 19:49

Who has told you that he doesn't meet the criteria for a special school?

Pteranodon · 17/09/2015 19:59

This sounds so hard, I'm really sorry.

You know you don't need to HE to a school timetable, right? Still tricky to do with 2 FT jobs but people do do it. Usually one or both don't do Mo-Fri 9-5 though.

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/09/2015 21:02

I do know that but what would I do for childcare.

We are already doing flexi time for school runs ( well DH is) I'm NHS.

I will arrange a meeting to discuss it with the HT

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CheesecakeDreams · 17/09/2015 21:37

My ds has SEN but no statement. He was struggling, hated school, no support from school at all. We fought for years to no avail. We ended up pulling him out. I know you can't do this but for us it was a life saver. Is there any way at all that you can juggle, downsize to make it work?

Pteranodon · 17/09/2015 23:23

Home edders use childminders etc just like anyone else, but of course there's a cost.

Pteranodon · 17/09/2015 23:32

(Local home edders would probably be able to recommend childminders with other kids around the same age.) Or an au pair if you've a spare room. None of it's cheap.

Tartanbeachhut · 17/09/2015 23:36

The teachers comments should be more specific as in what he actually needed help with, with regards to his reading.

This is something a teenager helping out in class against their will would write.

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 18/09/2015 20:44

Another detention today :(

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NewLife4Me · 18/09/2015 21:58

Ah, poor love this can't go on, for any of you.
I feel so sorry for your ds and I know you can't just give up work, but this is not the right environment for him.
Please do whatever it takes to get him out of there.
If you can contact a local H.ed group they may know of some childminders or even a nanny/ au pair if you have the room.
What does your dh do and can he help more?

Lowdoorinthewall · 19/09/2015 07:52

When is his annual review?

If it is not coming up could you go in and insist that they call an emergency review? Be very clear that the school is not meeting his needs (evidenced by ongoing behavioural difficulties = detentions) and therefore they need to change something or alternative placement (proper Resource Base? Specialist School?) sought.

Have you looked into the more specialist settings available in your area? If there is one you like and think would suit DS you could start building up your evidence for needing it now.

MythicalKings · 19/09/2015 07:55

Why is he being put in detention?

Meloncoley2 · 20/09/2015 09:20

This is nuts. I'm glad you are going in to see HT. I'm not surprised he hates school. What is his relationships like with his teacher and the other children?

Runningtokeepstill · 07/10/2015 15:45

Why not move this post or re-post on the Special Needs boards as there are a lot of posters who've been through similar and can advise? Not saying the posters here aren't experienced or helpful, far from it. But as the Special Needs boards are very busy you'll get more people who've had to cope with schools like this posting there.

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