help my child is out of control

[samandkat]

My 4 year old son is diagnosed autistic but I'm certain that he has adhd but no one will listen to me at both home and nursery and everywhere else in-between hes just out of control he won't cooperate and he bites kicks spits nips slaps punch screams over everything in struggling to cope but health visitor the gp or even the autism nurse just wont listen to me they just say its part of his autism and that it can be controlled with simple behaviour strategies but I've tried everything like time out and rewarding good behaviour and ignoring the bad I've tried all for a couple of months each but with no success at all I've even tried using all at the same time

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP

I can sympathise sounds like my 4yr old ds he's almost 5 now.

I whole heartedly believe my ds doesn't understand or see consequence and action or consequence and reward. Have a look at executive function.

I have a very simple method for ds that shows him how he's doing. I have two glass jars and some green buttons and some red buttons I bought them on eBay.

These jars live on our mantel piece where ds can see them. He gets a green button for positive behaviour and a red button for negative behaviour. If at the end of the day he has more green then red buttons he gets to use bath paint or have another bedtime treat if he has more red he gets no treat.

Hopefully something like this might work for you.

ADHD is often co-morbid with ASD. It would not be uncommon for a child with a 'main' ASD diagnosis to have a lot of adhd behaviours and vice versa. The issue really isnt the name, it's how it's handled.

Do you have any idea what's triggering the melt downs? Is it transitions/changes? Is the nursery overloading him with sensory things - too bright, too loud, too busy? Can you have a think, or keep a diary, and try to work out what's setting him off?

That sounds so hard. I wonder if the clue is in your last sentence about using them all at the same time? I suspect you will have more success if you decide one strategy and stick to it religiously. I really hope so.

And stop using everything at the same time! It's not working, it's stressing you out and it's probably overloading your ds. Whatever approach to discipline you use, just pick one

Nothing is triggering him to have melt downs I have kept a diary for nearly a year now I have nursery is a mainstream school and is not really equipped for special needs they don't have a lot of sensory toys his nursery is quite quiet

And I said in my original post I have stuck to everything I have tried both on there own and all together but nothing helps as of yet I just don't know what to do

So what is your diary telling you? I can understand you are feeling overwhelmed, but you need to take a step back and try and work out what's going on. You mentioned co-operation up thread - is it demands/being asked to do things that is triggering him?

Sensory isn't about toys - the light could be too bright, or it could be strip lighting which is flickering (to him). Is he like this everywhere? When is he quiet/peaceful/calm? Does he sleep?

Sorry for all the questions!

The diary does not tell me anything other than everything seems to end in a meltdown he does sleep but not for long hes never calm unless hes asleep or ill he will act like this absolutely everywhere (at home and relatives at friends and school and when we are also out and about)

To state the obvious, it sounds like something is triggering your DS.

Our DS is 6 now, which is a big age difference. Even so, I still think that he finds it very difficult to stop having a reaction if he is triggered by something. Your DS is that much younger, so I am not surprised that he is struggling.

Is it really as non-stop as your OP suggests?

You are going to struggle if you can't spot some patterns re what is triggering him. Classic ones with ASD are around transitions, and when there is lots going on. Remember that what doesn't seem like much to you can be to DS - he doesn't have the filters that typical people do, so try to see everything that might be overwhelming him (sights, sounds, smells, new people, toys, unfamiliar places, etc, etc, etc).

Another one is not feeling safe - not because somebody has done something bad now, but perhaps someone did once, and now there's a constant fear that anybody might hurt you at any time. This can show up e.g. in having problems queueing (frightening to have all those people behind/close to you), or interacting with other children (they're so unpredictable).

DH was pretty convinced DS had ADHD when he was that age - it's possible, I guess, but hasn't been mentioned in his assessment. It's normal to be agitated if you are very anxious. Which your DS is.

If you can figure out what's causing the stress, you will be much better able to help your DS.

I found lovebombing helped with DS when he was 3ish, pre-diagnosis. We had tried all the standard discipline techniques to no avail. I think it helped me to reconnect with DS, and it helped ensure he had lots of positive feelings.

Sorry for the mammoth post - hope some of it is helpful to you.