My 12yo daughter has just told me she's self harming.

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I don't know what to do.

She sent me a text telling me. She's very clued up about MH; I've had depression and have always talked openly and honestly.

I said we should go to the Dr tomorrow but she won't miss school.

She's sporty and popular and lovely.

Why is this happening to her?

How can I make it all better?

I made her give me the thing she'd used; she'd got a blade from a razor.

I'm besides myself. I don't want her to clam up.

I'm so sorry..you must be very worried. It is great that she has felt able to talk to you though. I think insist on taking her to the GP for a potential referral to CAMHS, or another local support service for young people. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, just as soon as you can get an appointment that fits around school.
I have (professional) experience of working with children who self harm....we advise parents to, if you feel able to, and she is comfortable, check her cuts to make sure they are clean and there is no risk of infection. Talk to her about always making sure she treats any cuts and keeps them clean and sterile. That may feel very difficult to do, but actually it can make young people feel very cared for. Don't be afraid to ask to see the cuts, but don't persist if she isn't comfortable.
Let her know she can talk to you, but again don't push. We tend to focus on the feelings behind the self harm rather than the actual cutting/self harming behaviour.
There are some good resources and information from parents on the young minds website.
Hope you are OK......it is really worrying, but try not to panic..for many young people it can be a form of expression..and like I said, great that she can talk to you.
XXX

Thank you.

I did talk to her about infection and scaring. I asked to see but she wouldn't let me. She couldn't tell me the trigger, but she says the last time was a few days ago. :(

A couple of her friends know.

I look at her Instagram account and there are a lot of depressive quotes. I thought it was teenage angst, although I've asked her about it. We had a frank chat about these types of posts when she came across some pro-Ana sites. I don't think her eating/exercising is an issue, thank goodness.

I think it's fantastic she told you, it says a lot about your relationship with her. I self harmed at her age and would never have told my mum.

Please don't try to make her stop it, as difficult as that may be. She may not even know her triggers yet, it's hard to understand your feelings when you're young. Just keep talking to her about doing it safely and other alternatives to self harm, there are lots of good websites out there - harmless is one.

Keep the lines of communication open with her like you sound like you have been doing, let her come to you when she needs to.

I'll try that website, thanks.

Wish there was so much help when I was a gal. :(

Thank you all for the hand holding and advice. It seems mad that life has gone on today; I'm at work, she's at school. I just want to wrap her up and cuddle her till it's better.

My DD does this. One of the best bits of advice I've had from mental health team sounds nuts but it's also been helpful-don't try to make her stop force her to stop. It's her coping mechanism. It's not a great one, but it is helping her at the minute. My DD was older (19) when she told me. She'd been doing it since she was 14 so was a pro! I took her to go and she got AD. I made her promise me faithfully she'd never doing again.

Oops. Too soon! That promise was too much. DD couldn't cope without cutting. It was her "friend" but she loved me and wanted to do what she'd promised. She became much worse. Her anxiety rocketed and she became very ill. So don't encourage it-but try to understand that she might "need" it for a while. And don't try to make the house "safe"! It's pointless! ?My handbag and car were full of all things sharp. Until DD told me I was was wasting my time! She opened a drawer and in an instant showed me 6 things she could use!! Twisty tie from pkt of bagels/paperclip bent until if snapped and was sharper/plastic fork snapped in bits/blade from sharpener etc. All ideas gleaned from tumblr!!!

A few things that have helped DD are v simple. We ordered kids tattoos-the ones u wet and stick. I kissed her arm/the dog licked her arm/her bro nipped her arm and we trapped the love beneath the tattoo!? At a different time I also signed her arm with a sharpie/drew a heart etc.

good advice on managing SH . In my experience the fact she texted you she has done the tough bit and asked for help .its likely at 12 she's knows she can't cope with feelings but won't understand why.Don't pressure her, thank her for confiding in you and try to access counselling or therapy to unravel her feelings.the fact you have had depression may also indicate a genetic vulnerability. book with gp during holidays tell her you love her. check with school how about any changes with work and friends (is there a school counsellor she can chat with as referral to camh's in many areas takes months) and watch for signs her mood getting lower.assure her many of our kids struggle at this age . Internet sites can it influence teens but I think usually there's a reason young people seek out sites or similar friends. As parents it's so hard to see this especially when they are so young but as puberty kicks in that's their most vulnerable time. Try not to be upset within front of her..the fact you have a good relationship is a great thing.good luck.

Can i recommended the Lifesigns website? It's very helpful and no triggering.