Oppositional defiant disorder?

[oldspeckledtam]

I'm at the end of my tether with Dd (9). At school, at dancing, everywhere else she is a sweet, kind, polite and gorgeous little girl.

At home she is a hell cat. It's more than just tantrums. I tell people about her behaviour and they don't believe me. She let herself go today in front of two of my friends and I was so upset by her behaviour I cried. I can't find a sanction that works. She doesn't care if I take things off her, she doesn't care if we don't do nice things. She doesn't get pocket money. I have boundaries , firm ones. She is usually only horrid at home, she does tantrum-lite out and about usually. This is the first time she's properly gone for me in public. She isn't violent or aggressive but she won't accept no, ever, even if it's completely obvious she's wrong.

Today, after watching her, my friend (a teacher, as am I) handed me an internet print out about oppositional defiance disorder and I swear she ticks every box on that list. What do I do? I've talked to school about her behaviour and they, nicely, laughed at me. She is an angel there- I'll get no support from them. I can quite understand they think I'm exaggerating. But I'm not!

If I go to gp do I have to take her with me? She won't display any of those behaviours for them, I know she won't. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?

I think with ODD, to get a diagnosis, the behaviour must be seen in multiple places, not just at home. (Niece has ODD)

Can you see what triggers her at home that she doesn't get triggered by elsewhere? Is it tiredness?

You need to start evidencing her behaviour and document it. Try filming her and keeping a diary of how often it happens, any triggers and as odd as it might sound her food and drink. Show the film to her teachers so they understand that you are not making it up and ask them to do the same. Then take to GP and ask for a referral for a diagnosis.

ODD is not widely diagnosed in the UK, although it does happen. And yes, it's unlikely to be diagnosed unless present in more places than just at home. But the treatment for ODD is chiefly around strengthening parenting, which is what would probably be recommended whether your DD gets a diagnosis of ODD or not to be honest...not that I am meaning to criticise your parenting, it's just that research indicates strengthening parenting via parent training / parenting support as the treatment of choice for oppositional behaviour problems (which do not have an underlying cause such as ASD).

Have you looked at PDA too? www.pdasociety.org.uk

I know of a lot of children with various conditions who just about manage to hold it together at school/outside clubs etc only to run out of strength and lose it at home.

I'm sure my dd has PDA and her psychologist thinks so too. My head is swimming- your child sounds very similar- angel at school - horrendous anxiety and anger at home. Hugs x

OMG Ds(yr3) ticks everybox for PDA! Dd(yr6) and me have dyspraxia; Dd also has ASD, dyscalcula and general learning delay and Dh has dyslexia! I guess time to get researching and seeing the Senco for Ds now! :(

I second Panzee's suggestion, as I was reading the post, that is exactly what I was going to suggest.

It can be really, really tough, this parenting business. Hang in there - follow your heart and gut, get support where you can, and remember it won't be like this forever