Dd6 - anxiety and hypersensitivity. Beginning to self-harm. Anyone been here and had a good 'resolution'?

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Dd6yo has always been difficult to manage. Over the past year she has been diagnosed with anxiety and hypersensitivity. This has basically manifested in bad behaviour, I need to manager her toddler-like tantrums frequently, always oppositional - if I said something was black, she'd argue that it was white. She's not good with emotions, I struggle very much on a day-to-day basis. She'd been talking about wanting to die for a few months now, has tried gauging her eyes, and a couple of weeks ago cutting her wrists (the wrong side up, iyswim, on the top of her hand. No cut was made, she used a very old ikea knife).

She's now been referred to cahms. She was previously with a tier 2 child psychologist who was great, really helped me see this as anxiety and not her trying to misbehave. Dh and I manage as best we can, but it is all overwhelming me. I have 3 other dcs, all within five years of her. They are all fine. I've frequently swung between AS and PDA, but this has been dismissed (I'm not letting go of these thoughts though). She is absolutely fine at school .... Apparently. Luckily for her, she is pretty clever, so any impact on her education has been minimised and probably also covers up any weaknesses in other areas.

Anyway, I'm expecting a family therapy appointment soon. The ay she is now is really getting me down, constantly telling me she hates me, wants me and her to die. Really affecting the other dcs. Really starting to affect my mood, I'm crying a lot etc etc.

Has anyone found themselves in this situation? There are other small niggling concerns I have, but it's all put into the anxiety basket, which it could be. Just wanted to know if anyone has had a dc in this position at such a young age, and it's all been 'ok' (I don't expect it to be ok, but that family quality of life can be good, all my dcs can be happy and she can continue through life relatively ok. If it's any help, we have a lot of mental health issues in the family, schizophrenia, bipolar and an anxiety disorder with both dh and my siblings, two of my siblings have attempted suicide in the past - you can probably sense my fear for the future - anyone else out there???

. My DD felt this way at a very young age but I focused on physical problems and missed it ,and things came to a head at 14. by AS do you mean ASD ? in the UK diagnosis for girls seems more difficult as symptoms show differently and my DD was . My advice with her tantrums would be to read books by people like Tony Attwood who writes about girls and ASD and The Explosive child for some tips . In front of her, try to be calm and consistent as if she is AS revealing your emotions will be hard for her. The fact that you are addressing this now and taking her so seriously, hopefully means that when she does reach the emotionally tough teen years, she will have learnt coping strategies through therapy and support and you will all know what to look out for, especially with your family history. I think many of us miss the signs, as we don't believe very young children can have these thoughts and when teen hormones kick in, they can't cope at all. I hope you find supportive and helpful therapists.

Yes, anthropology I mean HFA and I've read a bit about tony Atwood views on hFa in girls. (interestingly his a qld psych isn't he? My uncle is also a psychologist in QLD).

I do mean to download these books Ihear recommended constantly. I do feel I deal with her well, but Nothingis ever good enough. She is a hoarder (interestingly so is aforementioned qld psych uncle) so her behaviour and mannerisms really feel all-consuming.

How is your dd now? How is she? Does she have a diagnosis. Of course, very few people believe me, so friends try and be harsh on her, but I can see the anxiety build. It's even difficult for me to describe her as delightful or happy - she just isn't, and it's getting worse. I very much fear for hers, and all our futures. It's why I am seeking help now. I've really found her difficult from the age of three but put it down to pretty crazy toddler years, but at 5 I couldn't rationalise that anymore. Can't walk down stairs properly (but community pead saw her doing it once ok, so there is not problem), wont wipe her bum but is able. So many small things that I feel are swept under the carpet. I do agree what I hope we have good therapists. I was basically given the choice of what I wanted (psychotherapy another alternative) but I don't want to single her out.
Thanks for giving me your experience....

Sorry its so tough. Yes, although my DD had a tough time during early teen years, she is now happily at university and understands she sees the world a bit differently. she has learnt strategies to cope. I think, every child presents different symptoms, which makes diagnosis difficult and experts don't join up dots, ie dyspraxia, hypermobility etc. She was diagnosed as complex, as well as other unhelpful diagnosis with not all experts seeing ASD traits, her sociability meant some said she wasn't. The educational tests like WISC 4, were in the end the most help in getting academic support(she is very bright too) and also show her strengths as well as vulnerabilities . If she is understood, your DD also needs strengths to focus on. www.autism.org.uk/lornawingcentre this place needs an NHS referral but is meant to be very good, if you can persuade them to refer her.