Looking for some wise words

[Anjelica27]

Have posted before about ds, suicide attempts and self harming. At the moment everything is very calm, as long as i walk on egg shells and don't do anything - which is fine, I can do that. Ds refused to engage with CAMHS or GP and has been discharged -he won't talk to anyone and I don't know what to do next. Absolutely not critical of CAMHS or anyone else they have done everything they could and have been amazing but ds won't talk to anyone. What do I do next. Please help. Thanks xx

Hello, I could have written your post. We've had several middle of the night dashes to a and e, following suicide attempts and self harming. Like you I don't take blades away. Ds refused last appointment with psychiatrist and he was discharged. We are completely on our own until he is ready to have some help. He has been calm for the last few days - as long as I walk on egg shells - but just waiting for the next crisis. Can't put into words how sorry I am that you are going through this too, it is the most awful of things. Perhaps we can support each other. Take care xx

Like you sat here on my own and crying. Sat manically knitting and wi e drinking!!! Ds is 17 and obviously been ill for a long time but first I knew was when I went with him to GP in November 14 and he said he had attempted to hang himself. How Could I not have known, did GCSEs and did well, went into 6th form and just exploded!!! I should have seen this, feel like the parent in the world. As long as I walk on egg shells and don't confront him everything is calm, but that's no way to live is it? My plan is to be patient and hope that soon he will ask for help. Hope that u are ok. With love xx

That would be worse parent in the world. Hope u ok and can get some sleep tonight. My ds stays up all night so I do too just in case. Talk soon cx

Morning Pip, I'm so glad your appointment went well and your ds had a good day. I totally get what u mean about when they were small. Especially now I will look in on my ds when he's sleeping just to reassure myself he is ok and hasn't cut himself or something in the night. He came down and sat with me to watch TV for an hour which is a huge thing for him to do. Made me sad tho because its so rare and I just want him to be well again - he (your ds too) must be so sad and frightened. Thank goodness for wine and knitting, I'm knitting eldest ds a jumper, what are you knitting or going to knit? DVD box sets are a life saver too when I'm up all night!!! Sending you a hug, take care xx

sending hugs to both of you. Its really hard for teens to engage with the treatment and help on offer. CBT can help, but its hard work for a teenage brain. You both sound like wonderful mums. I can only suggest helping them find something they like to do, like you are doing with your knitting !! With my DD baking helped a bit and being in nature, but without hospital, I would have been in your situation. I dont really know which is better, as hospital brings all its own complications. Time, in her case, helped, and some relationships with professionals, and four years on, she is in a much better place and at university, where she wanted to be and I didnt imagine would happen for a long time . She still struggles, but now seems to have more tools to cope. I really hope your boys get to a point where something helps them see a future. What did help my DD was talking to older friends(in their 20s) who had been through similar and come out the other side.....

Evening. Thanks for your kind words, it means more than you can imagine. Ds doesn't leave his room which is why him coming down for an hour was a really positive thing for him. I think he would really benefit from talking to an older person with similar experiences but I don't know how to find anyone. He had friends at school but since he's been poorly has really distanced himself from them and has no contact anymore. I'm glad your Dd is in a better place now Anthro, it's good to hear. I'm knitting eldest Ds a jumper Pip - doesn't mean he'll wear it tho, I just wanted something that would keep my hands and mind busy. I shall be really impressed if you are knitting socks on four needles, I always do mine on two. Have a peaceful night, sleep well xx

My dd has been just like this but is now 2.5 weeks into taking fluoxetine - it has really helped take the edge off and allow her to recover a little

She too doesn't leave her room much at all, was cutting , not eating or drinking or showering but I can see come very small improvements

She does also see camhs once a week it must be so frustrating if they won't engage with help :( Id be lost without the professional support we are receiving x

Would your DS's consider meds? X

I'm glad things are improving for your daughter felttippens my ds was taking fluoxetine but refuses to take it since last week, the medication prescribed by the psychiatrist he took for three days and then stopped too. CAMHS discharged him yesterday because he won't go so we are on our own. I thought we were doing ok and were reasonably calm so I met eldest ds yesterday for the first time in ages (and the first time I've been away from home for more than an hour or so) and of course he cut himself overnight - not badly but enough. Like your dd he has to be coaxed to eat etc. I thought we were in a better place but obviously not, so a day at a time again. I hope things stay positive for you. This is the most awful thing isn't it, things were so much easier when they were little and you could fix it with a hug and a kiss. Take care x

How are things with you today Pip, hope you've had an ok day. Sending hugs xx

Hi Angelica

We have had similar problems with our DD 16 yo including refusing to keep regular camhs (or any other) counselling appointments, although since a new psychiatrist arrived she has kept a couple of appointments with her, but they are more like 'updates' rather than counselling. When DD was refusing to attend, Camhs organised some sessions just for me/dh so we knew best how to help her. These were really useful. DD's doing a bit better at the moment, light at the end of the tunnel, but it's difficult to dare hope...

What I came on here to say is as DD is nearly 17 she will soon be passed over (if they keep her on) to adult MH services, so the psychiatrist highly recommended a book for DD based on CBT (she refuses 1:1 or group sessions). It's called Mind Over Mood (Greenberger/Padesky). I don't know whether it will work as we've only just got it, but it might be worth looking at if you think your son would engage in something like that....

Good luck and thinking of u....

Thank you Clara, I'll definately look for that. I was able to see ds'so psychiatrist before he was discharged and it was very useful. Hope things continue to improve for your dd, my ds is also 17 and I was warned he would soon be passed to adult services. He has agreed to give CAMHS another try if he could see someone else, just didn't like psychiatrist. Whether he will actually go or not I don't know.... Like you say you just have to have hope. Take care xx

Hi angelica. Have read your post and my heart goes out to you. My son went through a similar situation and it's heartbreaking when they won't accept help. He was very ill last year and hospitalised for a few weeks. I don't know how we managed to get through it because it was as if we'd lost him. There is hope though. He is now on meds and the after care has been excellent. He is now watching a film with his friend so yes it's the small things like laughing at something with him or him making tea for everyone. But it's been a long painful road and sometimes loved ones forget to look after themselves. I found a book called "Im not sick I don't need help" by xavier Amador invaluable, I got it from Amazon. Also Google Xavier and you'll find him on YouTube. I think when your child suffers from mental health issues there is nothing that can prepare us for the devastating affect on the whole family. keep strong and wishing you the best.

Good to hear from you Pip, I'm sorry you had a set back, it is devastating when you think you have made a move in the right direction and find yourself in such a terrifying place again. I am waiting to hear from CAMHS and then have to face persuading ds to go. Like you we had had a reasonable few days so I was brave and took a chance to be away from the house for three hours (!!!) to meet up with eldest son who lives away. Needless to say ds reacted badly and cut himself again. Feeling very afraid again. I hope things have settled down again for you and your ds. He is shut away in his room again and I'm just praying things stay calm

Thank you Biggles for the book details I'm going to have a look next. Thank you too for reminding me there is always hope, even in the little things. I'd be happy right now just to see my ds smile.

Take care and thanks xxx

Thanks Pip, a good week for you too. We can only hope. Enjoy the last episode of Broadchurch tomorrow - like you I'm hooked. Take care, night xx