DS is 5yo and I love him dearly. He's the sweetest, happiest little boy, affectionate and smiley and since the day he was born he's been the beat of my heart.
The trouble is that he's very lively and energetic and curious and all those other polite words people use when really what they mean is that your kid is climbing the walls while babbling nonsense words because, well, why the hell not?
Today was a typical day so let me run through it.
6am, he wakes up. No gradual stirring or shuffling around half asleep. His eyes literally ping open and that's it, he's at full speed and full volume. DH shuttles him off downstairs for breakfast while I have my turn for a lie-in. DS pops upstairs twice during this, flicking lights on and off and loudly asking if I'm getting up. The first time it was because he slipped out the room while DH was doing the cereal, the second is because he said he needed a wee (upstairs loo).
9am, he wants to play Frustration. We set it up and he can't wait his turn. He hits his paddle constantly (this rolls the dice) during other people's turns, tries to hit their paddles to take their turn for them, moves his counters a random number of spaces while very quickly counting to whatever the dice says (so quickly counting to four but moving his counter ten) even though he can count. He gets very silly, very quickly which results in carelessness. The game gets knocked over and spoiled. I make him tidy it up by himself and tell him it's not coming back out today and neither is Guess Who (he wanted to play that next).
10am, get the bus into town. As soon as the bus pulls up he dives on, pushing past other people to do so. I get him off the bus and take him to the very back of the queue, explaining that if he can't get on nicely he'll get on last. All the way to town he makes silly noises, fidgets, lies down in his seat, wriggles, etc
11 am, we take him to the museum he likes. It's an interactive museum with touch if encouraged but he's off at a mile a minute, spending literally seconds that one activity before flitting to the next and the next and then back to where he started. It's like watching a hummingbird on speed. I join in an activity with him and after a few seconds he's off again and I'm sat there on my own like a sad twat, clutching a cup of sand he's abandoned. Then he's back and he's getting silly again because he's overexcited again. Sand goes everywhere so we take him out of the sand and tell him no more sand. He's warned that if he has to be told again we will leave. Not long after this he spots something he likes and runs off into a crowd. I say stop and grab him but he slips free. DH retrieves him (he was attempting to climb an exhibit), he's told off and we leave. He doesn't want to leave so he shouts and screams. We leave anyway, he was warned.
Lunchtime, we go to a place that does 2 for 1 kids meals and is fairly quiet. The waitress tries to sit us right at the front, near the entrance. I ask for a table near the back. It's in a shopping centre and being this close to the entrance with the shops on one side and an open kitchen on the other will be too much, I will have to retrieve him from one or the other. She makes a face but gives us a table in the back corner.
He immediately scribbles all over his colouring sheet and then upsets DD by trying to mooch hers off her. He is loud. He realises his chair has one leg shorter than the others so delights in rocking it on the tile floor. I spoil this game by swapping chairs with him. I defuse the colouring issue by giving them each a few pages from the notebook I keep in the nappy bag. It's quiet for a few minutes. Then he realises his water is in an actual glass so he begins chinking it with his fork. Then chinking it harder to see if the noise gets louder. I move the water away and say he can ask for it when he wants a drink (which he does, he drinks it all). He chinks DD's water and spills it.
The food arrives. He slithers out of his chair and onto the floor. Then he's back in his chair. Then he has one bum cheek on the chair, his other foot on the floor. Then he needs the loo and off he goes before anyone can do or say anything. DH goes after him. They come back. He's on the floor again. He's clicking his fingers. He's speaking 'minion speak' (know the purple minions who shout in Despicable Me 2? Like those). He's eating with his hands. He starts getting silly and eats with no hands, direct from the dish like a dog. It culminates in him headbutting the table and giving himself a lump.
Afternoon, we leave the restaurant and he says he needs the loo again. I take him to the ones in the shopping centre. He walks with me beautifully, holding my hand, and is so well behaved. I tell him so and give him a hug. While I'm washing my hands he rolls on the floor. I say to get up and he does, then dips his hand in a sink of water that's been left, scoops some up and drinks it "because I was thirsty".
Headed home, walking along the street he suddenly drops to the floor on his tummy and begins dragging himself along with his hands. He is floor swimming. He gets up because he sees a pigeon and gets angry when he's stopped from chasing it, it's next to a busy road and I don't trust him to stop at the curb.
When the bus arrives he again shoves on as soon as it stops and I again get him off and take him to the very back of the line, again explaining that of he can't board nicely he will board last. We get on the bus home and it's the same as the journey out - rolling around, shouting, silly noises, fidgeting.
When we get home he plays with his sister and I praise him for it, they're being loud and active but there is no fighting. I join in with them. I don't know what the game is exactly but it involves carrying toy bricks from one end of the living room to the other while the other person tries to steal them. I let him have a little go on his leap pad for playing without fighting (screens are a priviledge) while DD opts to watch an episode of Peppa Pig.
Bath Time, he starting to get silly again culminating in him throwing armfuls of bath water over the side of the bath. His bath is declared over and he kicks off, screeching at me and shoving DH so he's told no story and straight to bed. Usually he had trouble dropping off but not tonight, thankfully he drops straight off. This will likely mean a 4 or 5am start tomorrow though.
I ended up in tears earlier, not in front of him, because I feel like I'm failing him. I'm trying to teach him the same basic concepts that I've been teaching him since he was a baby and they still haven't sunk in. He can't sit still. He can't focus on tasks. He shoves, he gets silly, he can't play turns, he makes careless mistakes and is constantly damaging things or hurting people by accident. It's getting where I don't want to take him out in public because I know that it'll be like it was today, and I feel like a shit mum for admitting that, but people look at me as if to say control your child and look at him like he's naughty. He's not a bad kid but it's like he can't control himself, he's like a bottle of fizzy pop all full of bubbles and then he gets too bubbly and fizzes over. He has boundaries and we're consistent with them, we're not perfect and some times we get it wrong but we follow through on what we say, like when we left the museum but none of this seems to sink in. Every time we get the bus, he shoves on, and every time it happens I take him to the back of the line and he still does it the next time and the next and the next. Every time he is told we will leave somewhere if he still goes ahead and we still end up leaving. He knows the rules, he knows the consequences, but when asked he says he doesn't know why he does what he does. It's so hard to put it into words, to describe it properly. I'm having the same issues with him now that I had when he was a toddler - don't touch the oven, get off the fireplace, hold my hand, don't throw toys, get up off the ground and so on. I'm letting him down so badly and it can't go on like this.
I've been looking online and I'm worried he may have ADHD. DH thinks I'm talking nonsense.
Sorry this is is so long.
Am I going to be wasting time asking for him to be assessed?