This is the first time I have ever posted anything to MN, but I think I need to get some stuff "out there" and see if anyone has any advice on how my DH and I can cope or even just empathise so we don't feel so isolated ... Be warned. It's long!!

My DH and I have been together for 5-years. He has 3 DD from his previous marriage (all teens now) and we had a DS in March 2014. When DS was 8 weeks old, we found out that one of our DD (DD 3) had taken a small overdose, which involved the police and ambulance. DH ex-wife did not tell DH. DD1 told the school, which eventually led to them telling the school about 3-years of systematic neglect and abuse at the hands of their mother (schools description based on what they heard), who it turns out is an alcoholic. We had no idea (and christ, the guilt at not knowing is sometimes over-whelming) but all 3 DD's immediately came to live with us. DD2 eventually returned to live with her mother (after the bitch-troll (here-in after referred to as BT) threatened to kill herself if she didn't). DD1 & 3 have lived with us since May, which has involved changing schools etc.

Obviously, living in that environment and hiding it for so long has taken its toll on the girls. Since they came to live with us, we have had 10 stays in hospital between them (latest was just before Xmas). Both girls self-harm - Cutting for DD1, cutting, restricted eating and pills for DD3. DD3 was so under weight when she came to live with us, the Dr's aren't sure how she survived (she weighed 68% of what she should have done. She was a skeleton - BT hadn't even noticed). CAMHS are involved and DD3 is on anti-D's but we are waiting for CAMHS appointments and dont seem to be any further forward from May...

DD2 is a constant worry. She is effectively continuing to bringing herself up. I am so proud of her because she is doing well but its just not fair that she has had to go back. She has her issues too and is also waiting for a CAMHS referral...

I love my girls so much. Before my DS came along, I thought it would be different loving my "own" child. It isn't. I have the same, almost animalistic, desire to keep them safe from harm and protect them as I do with my DS.

My DH and I feel so guilty though that we didn't notice. And we are angry and frustrated at our inability to waive a magic wand and resolve all of their problems. And dealing with DD3, in particular, is grinding us down. She is a beautiful, funny, articulate, clever, loving, kind girl (as are the other 2) but she sees none of it in herself (possibly as a result of BT telling her that she is worthless, ugly and that she wished she had never had children. My personal favourite is that she told her that she never wanted twins - DD2 & 3, and that as DD2 is her favourite, she wished she had aborted DD3... ). As a consequence, when DD3 is having a bad day, she is rude, uncommunicative, aggressive, angry, belligerant... I could go on. And I try to stay patient and not get angry, but she knows exactly which buttons to press... I feel like I am failing her when I eventually retaliate.

And the other problem is that DH and I are so tired. We both work full-time and running the house, dealing with DS, having teenagers and then factoring in their problems just makes life so difficult sometimes. It is affecting our relationship with each other. We are always sniping and throwing insults at each other. I hate it. He is the love of my life and I am terrified that we won't find our way back.

I could go on, but am already mindul that this post is a bit like War and Peace. I just wanted to see if we are alone in this or if anyone else can relate to any of this? And does anyone have any advice on how we can get through this?