Anyone out there further down the line - DD15 anxious depressed and not attending school

[felttippens]

Could really do with talking to someone going through / been through it

Hello
My DD is 16 and hasn't attended school for almost 2 years due to severe anxiety and panic disorder. School have been brilliant and are funding her a place at an online school that she attends from home.
She's just been referred for a full assessment, presumably by CAMHS? so we're waiting for that just now.

Hi;) my daughter is 15 she hasn't attended for 6 weeks, she's had her camhs assessments and is seeing a clinical psychologist weekly - not sure at this stage what will Happen with school she barely leaves her room

Bless her, it's a horrible thing to go through. Fantastic that she's already been assessed and seeing someone though! My DD was referred by our ex-GP (without an assessment) to 6 sessions of counselling which she waited a year for and then couldn't attend as she'd become agoraphobic. It's only in the last couple of weeks we've been able to get her to go to a new GP and he's been excellent so far.

With regards to school, the very best thing we've done is stay in frequent contact with them. First it was her head of year and now it's the SENCO.

Was there a particular trigger with your DD or did it just happen gradually?

You seem to have had to wait such a long time for help if she hasn't been to school for two years. Please be quite pushy about asking what the camhs assessment involves given how long you have waited and I advise a Wisc 4 educational assessment as well if they are not including it . Transition to adult services is usually 18, but sometimes earlier in some areas, so its important that you get as many tests and reports done now, so if she needs therapeutic or educational support post 18 as well, you have more of a chance of getting help. If she can engage, i hope she is given access to Camhs therapy soon. We waited a year after my DD left hospital for weekly therapy so I sympathise. The WISC 4 helps you get extra support and help if she reenters a college for example with teacher support and DLA if necessary , although it sounds like school are being helpful. I hope she knows there are many other girls going through this, and things can improve with the right help. Good luck to both of you.

Hi, I have been in your position with my daughter, she stopped attending school at 12, though I would advise to keep in contact with school as they can offer good support,

my daughter was referred to cahms, with anxiety and panic attacks plus an eating disorder, with cahms she has one to one, has attended four dbt groups, art therapy and a lot of other things,

5 years ago she couldnt leave the house, today she got a diagnosis of bipolar type 2, and has a little job, she passed 5 gcse's with a c grade, she was with eotas tutoring who were amazing in support as well.

Things can improve, but sometimes you have to keep pushing and make yourself heard, so you dont get lost in the system.

good luck xx

I'm not sure I can give you any practical hands on advise, other than get all the help you can, speak to the school, camhs whoever you need to, and do whatever your daughter needs.

When I was 14 I believe I was suffering from depression, I tried to commit suicide after a long period of feeling down. My parents were forced to send me for a physc evaluation, and all they took from it was I thought my Dad hated me, which they blew off as rubbish and I was escorted to school the next day.

I couldn't cope with school and ended running out of school after I had been escorted and dropped off, the teachers thought I was playing up and my parents thought it was attention. If perhaps my teachers and parents had actually listened to what I was saying I wouldn't have ended up missing 2 years of school and ruining my education. Every day I would run to my Nan who without question took me in, and put her foot down with the school and I was not reprimanded for my actions. I'm sure that without my Nan I wouldn't be here today, what I needed was for someone to listen to me, and not dismiss what I said or how I felt and work within what I could do.

thanks for posting this sugarplumfairy. I'm glad you had your nan to support you as its really important that someone listens . As parents , I think we are much less prepared to cope with mental illness than physical illness and I'm so sorry your parents couldnt hear you. My DD also tried to commit suicide at 14 and it was a long and hard journey back to daily life and education, and support of families is as important as the right support from camhs etc. I've met a lot of young people now who have struggled and I'm struck by how incredibly strong and mature they all are after dealing with so much at a young age. My DD missed over a year but went back into education slightly later and is now doing what she wants to do via a slightly different route. I hope you realised your own value and strength in getting better and back on track and how much you have achieved in getting there . best of luck.

You're more than welcome, we have come a long way in terms of understanding and accepting mental health issues. It would seem I am surrounded by it now. All I wish is that someone listened to my Nan. Amazingly I didn't get bad grades but I could have done a lot more. My Nan was trying to get my parents to agree to home schooling, which my Nan was offering to do, she home schooled my Aunt so she knew what she was letting herself in for, but unfortunately no-one took her seriously despite me actually wanting to continue my education. The only thing I can say is listen to your daughter before anyone else and use that as your goal.

There is such great advice on this thread, and it has really opened my eyes to how common it is for teenagers to feel this way.

I am just starting my journey with my DD14 and have been lucky enough to get a camhs appointment within 6 weeks from referral. She is so down about herself and truly believes that everyone around her feels the same way about her as she does herself. Again, I have a beautiful, kind, bright and talented daughter who believes that she is ugly, worthless and totally unlikeable by her peers.
The paranoia she is experiencing on a daily basis must be so terrifying for her, and now that she has opened up to me about her feelings there is no going back.
I am going to keep up with this thread as I know I am going to need support from other mums going through this with their children, and just wanted to say thank you for sharing and good luck to all of you x

seriouslyworried, I'm glad you have a referral. do be aware that when she opens up, things can possibly get harder for a while. My advice is her mental health comes first, school can always come later if she is too unwell to go in.if she cant talk to her therapist she's entitled to ask for another and you are her mum, you know her better than anyone, so make sure they involve you, You sound remarkably calm, and thats what she will need from you while her life is in turmoil.good luck.

Thank you for the reply...I am trying to stay calm but it is killing me inside! (Lots of crying on the empty common whilst walking the dog!!) I am a very black and white person by nature, so I am finding the whole irrationality behind it so difficult although I understand that the feelings are real for her.

Somebody else on one of these threads mentioned a life coach, which I am looking in to, but it is so frustrating that without money you are really stuck!! Maybe I am looking for a quick fix, obviously, but we are all so drained. Reading some peoples threads terrifies me, but I think I am going to have to face up to things getting worse before they get better.

It is a shame that this is also coinciding with me having heart surgery next month which wil leave me out of action for at least 6-8 weeks. Her dad may have to be the one to go with her to any camhs visits, although I will make the first one! I would just like to step back in time...or maybe fast forward to the future!!!

sorry to hear about your health seriouslyworried. It sounds like a lot to cope with and must be stressful for everyone. Do ask your GP, if you can have some CBT yourself. They should be able to offer six sessions, given how much is happening. It gives you a place to cry and might help with communication around your DDs feelings. Do you think she is anxious about you going to hospital ?

I am currently in a similar situation. Dd is 15 she has Anxiety and depression and terrible paranoia. She is in school but every day is a battle to get her there. Sometimes literally a battle, she attacks me physically and verbally.

I struggle with the irrationality too, it's SO good to hear someone else say that. Dd's paranoia is around me and a neighbour and everyone at school. We all hate her and bully her and make her feel bad about herself (but we don't of course!)

I have cried more in the last 3 months than in my lifetime. Dd's dad died so it's all down to me, which is exhausting.

I missed three months of school at the age of 14/15, due to agoraphobia. I wouldn't even leave the house.
I'm now 18, studying history at a Russell group university and loving life.
It will get better, I promise, and make sure you tell your daughter it will too. I know how she feels and it is horrible, but she will get though it.

thank you Lionsteeth, it means a lot to parents hear a positive update. Congratulations on your uni place.

No problem. I know my parents suffered a lot when I was ill, and although there are period which I can't remember it will always be a nasty memory for them.
It gets better though