Anyone with a teenager in an inpatient unit?

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

My DS 15 was picked up by the police under a section 136 yesterday. He has depression and anxiety and was suicidal. He has been admitted voluntarily to an adolescent psychiatric unit, we didn't get to see round the unit as it was 1am.
Has any one got any advice for us on what to expect, what to take in for him? We don't know how long he may be in for yet. Feel so sad that we couldn't keep him safe at home :(

Thanks for the reply and your kind words-guess there's no one else out there who feels able to help.

Yes he is still in the unit and likely to be so for next couple of months. He is hopefully coming home for Xmas day but does not want to stay overnight. How did it come to this? DH and I are both devastated but trying to hold it together for him and other DC.

You're clearly a loving parent, this is not about how you have/haven't parented him, hard to accept I know. You are already loving him and supporting him, that's all you need to do. I hope he is now getting the help he needs and that this is the start of a recovery.

This happened to my brother when he was 15. It was a long time ago, so the system was different, so I have no up to date advice. But, I do understand how distressing it is for the whole family: parents, siblings and the child. We were in shock for the first few days, despite there having been so many incidents leading up to it. Look out for each other, particularly your other DCs. It does get better.

I am a mental health nurse by initial qualification, and worked for many years in an adolescent in-patient unit. It was medium secure, so all patients were formally sectioned under the mental health act, but please feel free to inbox me if you have any direct questions and I will try and answer them. I don't want to do it on the public site as some details are quite sensitive and potentially upsetting.

My DD has been admitted twice to an adolescent inpatient unit. We have felt very alone at times. If you want to message me please do.

I have experience too several times. for us it was a mixed experience, but you did the right thing so dont feel guilty. it should keep him safer and being with other young people who are also struggling should help him feel less alone. As a parent, I felt locked out of the process and had to fight for information, individual/family therapy etc so it was very isolating, but again, the right decision for her. My advice is that if he seems to be safe, then for all of you it gives a bit of time to regroup and he should be assessed and given some individual support. . Be aware that things might get worse before they get better, as it removes all control from them. Often they stay in longer than you imagine they will, and sometimes it feels too long, if they cant set up care in the community. My advise is to try and visit often, even if its short and make the most of day leave etc, as sometimes hospital can become their safe place with friends and its difficult to leave. we took in photos etc, home cooked food, constant reminders of a life outside. Also keep asking about what to expect (read NICE guidelines about therapy etc he should be offered). Its hard for units, as everyone has different problems, and how quickly he might be helped, sometimes relies on the patients he is in with at that time, as well as the therapies. My DD made good friends there who really helped her recovery. thinking of you all.

DD was in an adolescent unit voluntarily twice. It was very difficult, but at that particular moment in time, it was the right place for her. It was a place that could keep her safe. We couldn't keep her safe here at home. I agree with anthropology that it is very easy for the DC to become "institutionalised". Luckily for us, the unit was within about 45 minutes drive, so we went there every evening, but you get no help with the costs of that and it was very wearing for everyone. It's a really artificial environment. They were very strict about what we could take DD. We could give her stuff in the "outside" family rooms, but what we gave her to take inside with her to keep was checked very carefully. She couldn't have any makeup in glass bottles, for example. She did get a bit institutionalised after the first time. We haven't had any family counselling, despite asking for it. We are supposedly getting some through Early Intervention Services, but that has already been cancelled twice.

DD was due to go in a second time a few months after the first time, but (I think, luckily) when we went to book her in the atmosphere in the unit was completely different. There were alarms going off all over the place, the staff were very distracted as it had obviously been a very difficult day for them. DD decided that she didn't want to stay there after the first night of that time and it brought it home to her what being in a unit meant. The first time had been much more comfortable for her.

Unfortunately DD did learn some not such good behaviours in there, but being there did stop her killing herself at that time.

Thanks all- Judy that is exactly the same here, we could not keep him safe at home. We are visiting and bringing him home for visits as much as possible. It's been a very low key Christmas. He is getting on well with the other kids and seems to be benefiting from their companionship.

Unfortunately although he liked the food at first, he says they have changed supplier (?) and he has gone off it, so he has been told off for not eating enough. I'm wondering if we can take in some microwave ready meals as a substitute if he doesn't fancy what's on offer.

The main problem though is that he is refusing to talk about his feelings to any staff or us so it is hard for them to assess him. We had a family therapy session where he basically refused to say anything and curled up in a ball. He is taking medication though.

My daughter has just been admitted. I feel awful, like I've failed her.

random please try not to feel this. I cant say I didn't feel awful guilt. Its terrifying when they go in (and even more when it seems hard to get them out). Use the time to gather your strength and look after the family, you will need it. If it helps ask your GP for some CBT,so you have an outlet and can appear in control when you see her(even if you cry all the way home !). My advice is to make sure the unit involve you (NICE guidelines tell you what treatment your DD and the family should expect during admission). you can request a call back from youngminds about what questions to ask. There is great help and not so great help out there, its a bit of a lottery, but you are being a great mum and are doing what you have to do to keep your DD safe and get her help.

Thank you so much for posting.

Random,

not sure if you're the same user name as remember of old. i hope you are ok.
i can't sleep. my dd is not well mentally.

just makes you feel so alone. but you aren't . times like these i come to mumsnet .

No, I've only been here for a few months. I can't sleep either; I have my own MH issues too. I cant help feeling that I've left a terrible genetic legacy for my poor children.

i feel similarly as i too have a history of mental health issues.

not being asleep right now isn't helping. x

Random,
I felt the same way at first, but quickly came to realize that it was the best thing for her. If you are still not sleeping, get some meds from your GP, this is a marathon not a spring, and you need to be in as good a shape as possible

I am the OP and have name changed. Please don't feel guilty about the genetic legacy, you can't help your own genes. I'm the same with severe anxiety and depression for years.
Latest disaster is that it looks like DH and I may split. The stress if DS being so unwell has broadened the cracks in our marriage. I want out but how can I do this to DS? Who is still in the unit. I'm going to call his psych tomorrow to see what he says.

very sorry to hear OP. I hope DS is doing OK in the unit. I would try to get some family therapy while he is still in, and talk to them about it . If there were cracks, maybe your DS is already aware of what might happen. It important that he doesn't feel its his fault so you and DH should present a united front to him if at all possible ! I was already divorced when my DD was in the unit. it wasnt uncommon for parents to struggle or split, just seemed hard to get family therapy allocation. Ultimately, whatever feels the right decision for you, is best for him, so you feel strong enough to support his recovery.

Thanks Anthropology. DS seems to be doing ok or at least stable in the unit, we had a CPA yesterday. He will be in for at least another couple of months. I spoke to the psych and told him about marriage problems, he is arranging for DH and I to see the family therapist together without kids. Hopefully this will enable a sensible discussion. I want a divorce but DH thinks this is selfish and will make things worse for DS. I am actually wondering whether it would be easier to manage the effects of a split on Ds while he is still in the unit and able to access really intensive support.