Hello
I'm not too sure where to start, but I am desperately seeking some advice.
My 13 year old niece, that I am very close to, is going off the rails in all sorts of ways and the latest round of issues is worrying me and my family greatly.
Nearly a year ago now, my niece took an overdose of my sister's anti depressants. None of us knew she was unhappy, or that she had been self-harming for clearly quite some time. My own sister two years ago was sectioned under the mental health act for trying to commit suicide and has herself been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.
My niece has been helped by a big team of social workers, mental health professionals and a psychiatrist and she has art therapy and she even lived with my mum for a while.
The self harming eventually stopped and she has stopped threatening to kill herself.
The latest issue is what she now gets up to with boys.
A number of things she has done has made me think she is attention seeking and she recently told friends at school her dad was dying of a brain tumour (not even remotely true) and she is lying a lot about what she gets up to.
She has lost virtually all her friends recently and started hanging out with other trouble teens where she lives, who are older than her by at least a year.
Since befriending them, she has apparently kissed a random boy from another town (who had a girlfriend who now apparently wants to hit my niece) and has been taking rude selfies and sending them to boys she does not know.
The school have found out and flagged to my mum and sister. There was even a video on a boys phone allegedly of her naked. The action has been to block the camera on her phone and also the internet.
Apparently she has been Skyping boys who are asking her to do rude things.
However, she is still allowed to hang out with these girls and go out every night. There has been no real punishment set.
The issue I'm now faced with is what to do. She won't move back in with my mum as my mum is quite strict (my niece was so much better when she lived with my mum), my sister thinks she is mother of the year but gives no discipline and is prone to flaring up and using her mental health issues to avoid confrontation. My niece has asked social services to put her in to care.
Where I fit in to all this is that my niece and I are very close and she tells me that I am her idol and that she listens to me and respects me. I make sure that I take her to dinner once a week so that we can talk just the two of us, but recently I feel that isn't really working and that my beautiful niece is slipping away.
This week at dinner we discussed me helping her get the contraceptive pill and she asked about where to get free condoms from. It's so hard as I don't know the right thing to do. If she is already or planning to be sexually active then at least she is thinking about being safe, but her social workers and psychiatrist claim that she is emotionally very immature and therefore incapable of knowing what harm she will do to her reputation.
Mums of her former friends have gone up the school to tell them that their child is not allowed to play with my niece anymore.
I live with my partner of 4 years who himself has a 12 year old. I begged him to let my niece live with us but he won't and then tonight his daughter has flagged inappropriate pictures of my niece that she has put up on Instagram to her mum, who has subsequently told my partner that my niece is not to spend any time with their daughter.
I think everyone is frightened to discipline my niece for fear she will self-harm or threaten to kill herself again.
I've tried taking the softly softly approach but my niece is just lying to me and giving me answers she thinks I want to hear. She is extremely bright and very manipulative and doesn't seem phased by anything. In fact, despite her closest friends ignoring her now, my niece honestly doesn't seem fussed.
I don't know what do to but I desperately want to help her before she gets herself in to a situation beyond her control. Her reputation is already in taters and I'm so worried she will start to mess up her school work.
She gets in to trouble at school for wearing too much make up and having too short a skirt on, but like I said, she doesn't seem bothered and has a very defiant attitude.
My sister has had many unstable relationship with many different men in my nieces life over the years, so I don't think it takes a psychologist to work out where the issues stem from, but I don't know what to do to help her.
I want to help my niece so much. It feels like everyone else is turning their back on her and giving up on her. But I know she is a great kid just going through an extremely difficult period.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Just to put my thoughts down in words is a big help. I can't talk to my mum as I am trying to be strong for her and I don't particularly get on well with my sister and I can't really talk to my partner as he is only concerned about his daughter and the negative effect my niece could have on him.
If anyone has had similar experiences or can offer any advice, I would be so grateful.