I feel so stupid :(

[TwitTwooShoe]

So my DD has just made herself throw up again.

I heard a kerfuffle in the bathroom. Came up. DD looking shaky and crying. Vomit on the floor. I thought she was ill so sat her down in bed and got her a hot water bottle and offered her some Calpol.

She had made herself vomit so she didn't have to go to school tomorrow. She said she just needed to stay at home for a bit and just begged me and begged me not to send her there Homeschooling is not an option. The only school apart from the one she is going to, which we could send her to, is an hour way. And I don't really think school is the problem- she's been withdrawing (stopped wanting to go to Brownies or other clubs etc;). She's not being bullied and has some friends, she's not the most popular ever and is quite shy but she isn't lonely and never has been ifyswim. She has a group of about five friends and they're very close.

She is getting more and more worried about everything. It seems like the only thing she's feeling anymore is worry. She is going to counselling with CAMHS but she says they're making it all about school and the things she's worrying about, ifyswim, but isn't helps her (she has 10wks of counselling, we are at the ninth week and I can't see any difference tbh).

She has had suicidal thoughts (and I've noticed some bruises/marks which could be self harm or not, but any attempt to talk to her about it has just meant she got aggressive) but she hasn't told me much and this is the first time I've seen evidence of her trying to have a physical problem ifyswim.

DH is away at work for two weeks. The only other adult (who has caused us quite a bit of stress!) left two hours ago. I'm just feeling lonely because I can't help her or deal with school or her anxiety and I feel so stupid because I can't

Hi twit sorry to hear about your DD. How old is she? Sorry if there's a backstory am not up to speed with.. How is she now?

No backstory. She's 8. I thought this was what happened to teens

Wiser people than me will be on here shortly.

Couple of things- firstly, you are not stupid. Mental health problems are difficult to deal with and complex to treat. As someone who was bulimic as a teenager, I can say that just keep holding, hugging your daughter. Don't let your fear and frustration manifest in anger or confrontation. That is way, way more damaging (speaking from experience). However, she doesn't sound like she is a full blown bulimic, but that she has extreme anxiety.

Secondly, what about partial school withdrawal and using a tutor to fill the gaps? E.g. School for English, maths and science, home for humanities. At the end of the day, if she eventually leaves school with 5 GCSEs she will have sufficient to get her through life.

Sorry you and your dd are going through this.

Sorry, xpost.

Some of my advice doesn't work for her age. I thought she might be year 6/7 :-(

So sorry for you and your daughter. I wouldn't send her in tomorrow. Can you speak to her friend's parents to find out how she is coping in school?

It could be anxiety but either way something or someone is triggering it. Can you bring her to a gp tomorrow?

I think the hugging advice from Ehhn still holds true though. I am not sure I have anything insightful to add but happy to chat until someone wiser comes along.. How did DD feel about CAHMs referral?

You're not stupid, you're brilliant - supporting your daughter while she goes through this.

It's really worth talking more to CAMHS, ten weeks of counselling clearly isn't enough. Have you also talked to your daughter's teacher about how to address her anxieties about school?

You are doing a great job, you are caring, understanding and loving - this is what your daughter needs. I hope that you can get some good support from the CAMHS team too.

What callamia said. Sounds like you're being a great mum.

Yes. DD1 is desperate to impress her teacher and hates any mention of discussing it with her, but I've talked about it of course, howeverh the teacher did seem a bit iffy about it all. Thanks for everyone

The CAMHS referral- she hasn't said much. She went with me to the GP appointment and was quite awkward about it, but afterwards seemed less tense in a way. She definitely feels awkward talking to the counsellor and is also desperate to impress her too, so I'm not that sure that they can communicate that well or that DD1 is talking about what matters, or if she's making stuff up (as she has done with me, as a kind of diversion).

She's in bed after some hot chocolate and seems a lot happier. No school tomorrow I guess, then. I will see if someone can take the little ones out so we can have a day together, relaxing.

The tutor idea might work, I'll mention it to her and talk about it with DH for sure. She is aiming high and is always planning this brilliant life ahead of her and I can see her feeling embarrassed if it is partial- but I'm guessing that would be feeling embarrassed when thinking about it, but when trying it, feeling a lot better. We are quite tight financially right now but we should be able to make it work.

I will call her friends' parents tomorrow. I think I'll also ask for another meeting with the school.