Hi all, this is new to me, my first thread - I am a mum to 3 boys, all healthy and well and growing up fast - my eldest turned 13 in april and my god don't we know it - we've had trouble with tom for couple of years, nothing massively wrong but noticed him changing into someone I feel like we don't even know - my bond with tom wasn't always there since birth, he was taken into the SCBU straight away poorley so I didn't have that time to bond with him but his daddy did and always sat with him in scbu etc...I honestly feel this impacted massively on my relationship with him, I love him, unconditionally, for always, if anyone hurt him etc....but its different from my youngest 2 - anyways, we've done our best with the boys but tom always manages to cause friction, plays me and hubby off against each other, he always has me at breaking point crying at night when he's asleep, makes me feel like an absolute rubbish mother! Causes arguments somehow with all of us - how can one child have that much power over a family of 5 including himself?! - the nasty things he says to us, the god awful mood swings, smashing up his bedroom, screams at such a high pitch I cry,threatens to walk out - yet at school they talk about him like he's this amazing young man and I sit there thinking are we talking about the same child? I am SO proud of toms achievements at school. I was overjoyed at his awards evening at school the other evening, I praise him for all the positives as and when is needed yet he makes me feel like absolute rubbish,he talks to me with such hatred and anger that I've had anxiety attacks at night where I'm crying so much - my husband and I have almost Seperated just because we don't know what else to do and I genuinely feel tom would love it to be just him and dad!! All of this pushes me closer to the younger 2, who are starting to see how tom is acting and it breaks me to see them now starting to behave simlilarly :'( there's depression in both sides of parents (me and hubby) and through both familys - could tom be depressed? How do u punish a teenager that is so angry and outraged other than conviscating things or grounding which don't even bother him coz he can't be bothered to go out anyways, he don't have mates outside of school and if I'm being honest I don't believe he's got more than one friend at school - he sits indoors like he's got the whole world on his shoulders and he's so miserable, omg I don't know what to say or do anymore - any helpful advise desepratley needed/wanted, I'm an emotional mummy who just wants my 3 kids to be happy and have good memories etc - :'(