Is grammar school too stressful?

[Kellyl26]

Bit of background - My DS is 10, me & his Dad split up when he was 3 and just after that we moved several times and in early primary school he had 3 changes. He has been in his current school 4 years now. Apart from that when I met my husband we had some issues blending the 2 families and at times his kids would bully my DS (which I didn't stand for). This has been resolved for the past 2 years.
DS dad has got remarried too and has had another child and has recently announced they are moving abroad.
My son suffers from migraines fairly frequently and has had nightmares/ night terrors in the past too. When his Dad told him he was living abroad he had a panic attack.

This year its time to choose secondarys and I had been prepping him for grammar school but now think this just might be too much pressure for him. He is fairly bright but I think my concern should be keeping him emotionally stable yet I don't want to deprive him of opportunity! Advice please!

My DD attend grammar school, passed the 11 plus with ease, however, for her (sensitive, quiet, hardworking but not one for being pushed) it was the worst decision. Alot of pressure on kids (excessive I would say) she can never let it go over her head. We are not pushy parents at all but DD always always got stressed. However, other kids have sailed through keeping up with all their extra clubs etc. Some weekends we have been housebound with the amount of work.... However, I have spoken to mothers of children in comprehensives who report the same. Difficult choice, I have no doubt she has received a moderately good education but I am unsure that grammar schools deserve the pinnacle that they are put upon.

My advice would be to think about your child and if you can really see them fitting into the school and it's policies and expectations of your child. Do what you think makes him happy whilst receiving the best education. Good luck.

I couldn't agree more with bigmumma and I think Kelly after all the difficulties through the years, the last thing your son needs is to be "prepped" for grammar school. My son and dil are primary school teachers and did not "prep" their bright daughter for grammar as my dil said if kids are "taught to the test" they will struggle when they get there. My gr/dghtr didn't pass and goes to a small independent school (big sacrifice made for school fees and she is an only child)

The girl who passed the ll+ for grammar has missed most of year 8 and has been in a psychiatric unit with an eating disorder. A friend of my dil's whose daughter also went to the same grammar (and was a real high flyer) has also missed a lot of year 10 and 11 due to an eating disorder and her mum says the grammar cared "not one jot" - no support at all - they only cared about the exam grades. This girl has now left the grammar and is going to a local 6th form college in Sept though still has the ED, which sadly often comes and goes throughout life when stresses arise.

Please concentrate on keeping your son emotionally stable Kelly and that will be giving him the best opportunity in life. If children are unhappy, stressed etc they are not going to do well at any school. The fact that your son's father is moving abroad with a new family must have rocked him as you indicate and you need to do your best to keep him on an even keel. However I think you have to expect some behaviour changes as his dad is more or less going out of his life with his new family and it would be strange if your son didn't feel rejection and even anger. If this happens I think you need to acknowledge his emotions and help him to find a way of keeping in touch by e mail, Skype and hopefully visits if it isn't that far away.