Concerned - Opinions Needed

[Butterflywgs]

My sister's husband has 2 daughters from a previous relationship. They live with their mum but are visiting sis and bil. The older daughter is almost 13. She mentioned suicide during a recent family day out. Her dad (my bil) laughed it off as attention-seeking/ teenage dramatics. She says no-one likes her etc.
She does seem quiet and withdrawn, and very serious. She will barely talk to me (or anyone), and it doesn't come across as teenage surliness and lack of interest in boring old grown-ups, but genuine extreme shyness (she blushes, doesn't make eye contact etc).
I tried to chat to her but I'm not outgoing myself and don't want to push things as I'm not really her relative.
She does enjoy interacting with and relate well with my nieces, her little half-sisters (2yo and 4mo). In fact that's the only time she seems to be alive.
I don't want to seem to be interfering, she's not my relative after all, but I so recognise myself at that age as an undiagnosed depressed teen.
Can I help her? Am I unreasonable to think that talk of suicide should always be taken seriously, and to be shocked that bil and his ex aren't getting her help?
Or am I over-worrying and projecting my own teenage misery?
Please advise.

I'm bumping this for you as I don't really have any advice on how best to proceed, but it sounds as if she needs some help. It doesn't sound to me as if she is attention-seeking, but she certainly needs that attention.

I agree with you that it should be taken more seriously. How often do you see her?

Thanks both of you for your input. I was feeling like I was irrational - I'd made too big a thing of it as no-one else reacted.
Earnshaw, yes, there's nothing wrong with 'attention-seeking' - if someone needs attention there's a reason.
Snazzy, I have only seen her a few times before in 3 years (they don't live nearby). This is the thing, it would be easier if I knew her well.
It pains me to see anyone, especially a child/ young person, suffering, but I don't really feel I have a role/ claim here. If it was one of my DNs in 10 years I'd feel more able to do something as they're actually related to me, but even then, I'd be wary of seeming to interfere or criticise their parenting (they are VERY sensitive about this!)
I can't do nothing - I will 'casually' enquire of bil how she is. They're visiting again over the summer so I will bore everyone with talk pointedly about how mental illness/ distress is nothing to be ashamed of, Stephen Fry, it's important to get help, etc. Maybe get her a suitable book for teens with depression/ low self-esteem (and slip some leaflets from Samaritans etc inside), if there's a way I could give that without making too much of an issue of it - would've mortified me at that age to think anyone thought I was 'mental' . Siiiigh. It's a difficult one.

Have you spoken to your sis to get her to intervene and get some support? Another problem with kids is that parents are terrified that if their kids have counselling of any sort that social services will get involved it is a real barrier. Anyway there is a new website launched today for kids mental healtg issues called mindfull.org i think they provide mentors and things maybe you could pass it on.

Thanks Kelly. Ooh yes, I had heard of Mindfull but not connected, good idea, will have a look and pass on.
Given the way my sister did not support me with my own mental health issues, and continues to use derogatory language I don't think she'll be helpful. Bil is only concerned about mental health problems if they affect men (specifically Australian farmers) and was the main instigator of the 'attention-seeking' eye-rolling.
Yes I see your point about the worry about SS becoming involved. Such stigma
I think tbh a lot of parents don't want to admit their kid is struggling because it may reflect on them - I still get this from DM, the little comments about people with 'real' problems etc, think she thinks I 'after all I did for you' There is so much of this, as if teens can't really have MH problems, especially if they appear to have a comfortable middle-class family life - only kids from council homes have MH issues, not from naice mc families, right??

It sounds to me that this young girl is very self conscious and has low self esteem (lack of eye contact) and is possible worried about having to live in 2 families. I think people under estimate how difficult this can be, especially for a sensitive child. Incidentally I think you sound lovely and I think you could help this young girl a lot (never mind that she's not related) and from the way you talk you are NOT going to be pushy!

It's interesting that the girl is more "at home" with younger children and I've seen this quite a lot with self conscious/shy girls. They sort of know that younger children will accept them just as they are. One of my sons had a girlfriend for over 12 months and we could barely get a word out of her, but when my sister came over with her kids one day, we aw a totally different girl emerge - first time we had ever seen her at ease and laughing - she was brilliant with the kids. The r/ship ended soon after that but it was amazing to see.

Think you need to be a bit careful about the Samaritan leaflets etc because sadly teenagers tend to think people are "crazy" or "mad" if they have MH issues. In fact many adults still think that - I somehow don't think the stigma will ever go away. I'd let her help with the kids as much as you can, and kids will often talk when they are doing something, so drawing with the kids and you might help her to "open up" a little as there is no need for eye contact. Sorry I've just realised that the younger kids are her half sisters, not your children. But you could still say offer to take them all out for the day, or have them over to yours and get an activity going so that there is no need for eye contact.