I'm really sorry for coming here to this veeerry funny (may have seen clasics before, you see) mumsy forum, really sorry. I know I shouldn't, but I need to tell someone this, someone adult, who will tell me I'm being silly, or help me :(
I don't feel like I want to tell any of my family as they won't believe me. I need anonymity.
//deep breath//
I don't feel successful now. I do everything wrong at school, I act wrong, look wrong, do this that and every other thing wrong. I annoy everyone by existing (that's what it feels like) and they annoy me back. I'm not living life, I'm shuffling through it and surviving while wishing I wasn't.
I don't feel like I have a future at all, I don't /want\ to live and see my future as I'm scared of it, I don't believe I'll ever get a boyfriend or be called pretty, or be thin, or be successful, or have lovely little children and families like my older step brothers have, or ever be fit and well and happy.
I feel like a failure who just annoys everyone just by.. existing. :s I don't want to be here :(
And then I get angry with myself for feeling like a failure and shout and just want to die so I don't have to deal with feeling so useless when my life has only just begun.. if you see what I mean. I've even planned out my funeral and how I'll go.
See, it makes me sound silly, doesn't it? :(
I'm sorry. I'll go now. I really do sound silly. Like one of those //ugh, oh no it's her, happiness drainer// draining blehhhhh people.
And sorry for the long post. It kinda feels good to rant.