DD reporting suicidal thoughts

[stompingthroughfields]

I received a call from the local A&E last night as DD 13 had gone in after school yesterday with suicidal thoughts.

We met with psychiatric registrar who assessed her and has referred us to CAHMS, and sent her home with me last night. She changed into home clothes at school and went in with 2 friends, one of whom was admitted for 7 days last year onto the adolescant psychiatric ward. She self harmed last summer and told me immediately, she has recently self harmed again and I saw the marks last night -but she seems light and happy. She is anxious and unhappy, sleepless. The sleeplessness doesn't seem to be accurate, and she doesn't seem anxious. It seemed that she was expecting to be admitted.

I am aware that this seems like a very dispassionate post, I can't connect what she was saying and how she is being. My gut instinct is that she's not depressed and this trip was a cry for help, but that in itself is a major cause of concern.

Bumping and correcting; She is anxious and unhappy, sleepless should be she says she is anxious and unhappy, sleepless.

Any advice please?

An update in the hope someone can hand hold and advise.

We met with an advisor at the local CAMHS a few days later, and DD spoke with him at length. He then spoke with me and said that she doesn't seem depressed, but is anxious about school pressures. A meeting the following week was cancelled by them and I've just called and rearranged to go in next week. They are referring her on to the 'Family Research Project'. Does anyone have any experience of this service? I don't want to be noncompliant, but my feeling is that DDs anxiety is a) normal teenage behaviour and b) school and peer group centred. I do see that the self harm and reporting suicidal thoughts is not normal teenage behaviour, but my gut feeling is that it's not family centred.

I'd like to see her supported in managing these thoughts via CBT or 1:1 therapy rather than examining the whole family- I really don't think the cause lies there, even if it did the solution has to come within surely?

I didn't want to leave your thread unanswered, but have no experience of the family scheme.

Does your DD go out a lot? And are these friends the ones she's with everyday? I know when I was in school, there was a crowd who thought it was 'cool' to self harm and be depressed. I'm not saying this is your DD, but it may be worth seeing what get friends are like.

I think they might want to speak to the whole family because of her age and to make sure it's only pressure from school. Also, having a depressed child, or even an anxious one, can put a huge pressure on the family as your scared of saying the wrong thing, and want to wrap her in cotton wool I assume.

Can you afford private therapy for her? And speak to the school?

To help you connect that she's feeling this way, maybe just have a chat and see if she wants to talk to you about her worries, without pushing it.

I hope this helps. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm assuming a lot or talking down, I just have some personal experience of teenage depression and panic attacks due to school.

i didnt want your post to go unanswered, although i have no knowledge of this service so cant comment specifically. But family support would not be utalised to lay the blame so to say. They will not be looking to say the cause lays with the family or parenting, but may look at how as a family you can help dd and how dd can communicate these feelings to you. I would imagine as she is not depressed curently cbt etc would not really help in managing this type of behaviour.

do you have any more info into what is being offered as support from the family research project. I just googled the service and could only find a wales based service for support to families of disabled children offering respite and practical help etc, so im assuming it is not this service.

I think the importance is recognising this is real for dd, wether she is depressed anxious or not, she is for displaying these behaviours and they should be recognised and ways of helping her expolred. You may find family support will help you both understand and respond to the influences of her peers and how and why dd is exporing self harm etc as a cultural responce to fit in with her peers, in my opinion it may be helpfull to explore as a family as your influnece as a parent is very important to looking at how your dd expresses herself and how you can respond to her.

Thank you both very much. I am taking it very seriously- I know that teenagers can do things on a whim and I'm really not dismissing her. When I say 'normal' I mean that it's part of the teenage experience to feel different and despondant, and I want to help her see that these feelings will pass without dismissing them.

lll
Does your DD go out a lot? And are these friends the ones she's with everyday? I know when I was in school, there was a crowd who thought it was 'cool' to self harm and be depressed. I'm not saying this is your DD, but it may be worth seeing what get friends are like.
Yes to all three points- I think that's exactly what's going on. The difficulty is for me as a mother to differentiate between what's support and encouragement to self harm... so turning "You may find family support will help you both understand and respond to the influences of her peers and how and why dd is exporing self harm etc as a cultural responce to fit in with her peers", if we do do the faily therapy that's what I'd hope to get out of it, rather than examine where she fits in with her siblings. They are individuals too, with their own needs and I can't see how they wouldn't be knocked off beam by any but the most incredibly sensitive and skilled family therapy.

I can imagine its tough. The problem is you can't forbid her from these friends at her age, as it would just make it worse.

Hopefully, the therapy may help her to see the effect it is having on all of you. Are you other DCs younger or older?

Other than that, if she is doing it to fit in, is to hope its a quick phase. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Thanks lll

sounds very much like you are going to do what is best for your dd. that said it does not also mean you should accept support that is not going to meet her needs. When things are arranged and set up, have a list of questions and expectations and ensure that you know and understand where they fit in with any support. i suspect what you are saying you want from the threapy will very much be the focus. Your other children although relevant may not need be involved with all the therapy and it may not be used to explore where dd fits in with the family. I suspect it will involve more of how do develp dds support and identity rather than picking your family structure apart. I can imagine it is very daunting and an unsettling prospect and not sure i would be embrassing such a concept with open arms. All you can do is make sure understand and you are clear on the expected outcomes.