Can anyone recommend a child psychologist specialising in toiling issues in the south east?

[lemniscate]

That's it really. My DS almost 4 and after 6 months of being clean and dry has been having poo and wee accidents a lot. Some of the story is in previous posts on here. A physical problem has been ruled out, and to me it has always seemed emotional/psychological but techniques from HV and doctor now not working and rather than go through NHS process and all the waiting I'm happy to consider a private psychologist to get help soon. It is depressing the whole family, particularly my poor boy :(

We're in Sussex but can travel to London, Kent, Surrey, Hampshire etc for the right person.

Should add that these problems have been going on for 6 months now and getting worse again - we have short improvements then right back to the start again so no overall improvement. We have 6 months to sort this before he starts school and I think it will take a while to crack hence considering private to speed it up.

No advice but watching this as I could have written it myself! We've tried everything, I can't understand why he won't poo in the toilet, and I'm sick of throwing pants in the bin.

Rewards don't work with DS nor does praise which makes it harder, He poos and wees on the toilet at nursery and when with his grandparents. He's even a bit better when DH is around. It's something about his relationship with me, perhaps because I'm his primary carer so he's more relaxed with me and less focused on it? Also he actively chooses to have accidents - if we're doing something dull like eating or getting dressed when he needs the loo he's fine but if he is playing or watching tv he poos in his pants. He has actually told me this week after 2 accidents that for one he didn't want to stop playing trains and for the other didn't want to miss his programme, so it's a conscious choice to soil himself. I don't seem to be able to get through to him that if you need the loo all else must stop. And if I show any emotion at all, even the tiniest bit of exasperation it makes it much worse as he then won't even tell me he's had an accident as he wants to hide if from me. I think we both need help together really.

And as for pants, Janice, I bought him lovely new pants from Gap and half of them are now ruined :(

It's so frustrating, isn't it. We've had a small breakthrough today, DS did a poo on a potty lined with a nappy, while sitting playing x-box in front of the tv. I think it's slowly dawning on him that it isn't an option to wear pull-ups or soil himself for the rest of his life!