CAMHS v In School Counsellor or Just Leave It ????

[rockinhippy]

Hi

I've not been on this section of MN before, but seems the best place to ask for advice on the following dilemma.

My DD (9) doesn't have MH issues per se - but she does have a diagnosed medical condition that is affected amongst other things - by stress

Background...

A recent bullying problem at School has her struggling with stomach problems - she was already dealing with a bad flare up, that our GPs think was triggered by a virus that we all had, so she was late back at School after the hols & still suffering but on the mend & really looking forward to going back to School & seeing her Teachers & friends.

Under the lead of one girl, these friends had all turned on her & have picked on her relentlessly & hounded her if she tried to break off & play with others - which as you can imagine affected DD badly, especially as she was still pretty run down - so her stomach problems have been really bad, both at home & at School.

Head had picked up on DD struggling & asked if I would like her to see the Schools Counsellor - to which I agreed.

I also raised a bullying complaint as the situation was getting out of hand & though DD was dealing with it herself pre School hols, there were incidents then too, but not involving the whole group & not as nasty & hounding.

In the past DD has seen the School counsellor when there was other more serious issues going on in class, affecting a lot of the DCs & making DD very ill - at the time I was warned off this particular Counsellor by another friend whose DCs had seen the SC via another School - but for DD at that time she was a big help, so this time round I had no worries as regards DD seeing her.

She did ring me a week before DDs appointment, left me a message on my answerphone, telling me there was no need to speak to her as it was a follow on from previous - which it wasn't, but I could ring back if I felt I needed to speak to her - I did - immediately & got no response so left a message in reply saying I felt we did need to speak??. a week & my chasing her up twice later - 10 min before she's seeing DD she returns my call - she caught me on the hop, I wasn't feeling well, wasn't the best time to speak, but obviously I had no choice so I did -

a few comments she made took me aback a bit, as was very different to what I knew the situation & my DD to be - first off telling me she's seeing DD to help integrate her with her friends as she's obviously struggling & then telling me DDs Teacher had said that DD is at fault as she is "Bossy & Manipulative" - this is the same Teacher who barely 6wk earlier had told myself & DH that DD was a "Pillar of the School Community, an absolute joy to Teach & whatever we were doing keep on doing it"

I argued with this, I agree DD can be bossy & WILL stand up for herself & others, but manipulative, no way, if anything she is too honest & sometimes too blunt, even to the point of getting herself into trouble rather than lie.
SC also passed a few comments after as regards DDs health condition & it being incredible rare in DCs, so it was probably wrong & seemed to imply DD was faking it [anger] - I found myself insisting that DD CANNOT fake Diareah & that I SEE it - & went on to explain the situation as WE know it - she told me not to talk to DD about the bullying - steer her away from the subject if she brings it up, which in part is what we do, but also listen if she needs to talk - I had to argue this point too, as felt she was telling me we can't discuss this with DD any more - she then backed down - but after I put the phone down I felt pretty cross, but thought I'd see how it went for DD. - DDs Teacher is off sick

DD came home, initially bubbly & happy, & then later starts to talk about her day - she's picked up on the SC not believing her & thing shes bossy & lying & is deeply upset, sobbing her heart out that no-one believes her & the "friends" are getting away with bullying her - cue raging diareah & stomach pain for the next few hours

Its long & complicated, but basically things have finally been taken seriously & the same Friend who told me early on, that the other were picking on DD, backing everything she said about ring leader etc & her & the others have now when finally quizzed individually & some have owned up & told the truth, so it is getting sorted.

but I'm just not sure what to do about this counsellor - I rang & demanded a meeting - shes given me 20 mins before DDs appointment

I think DD does need some sort of support to her stop stress making her so physically ill, but I'm not sure this woman is the right person - she was abrupt with me & without my mentioning any of that to DD - DD described her as different from last time & pretty much said the same thing

I understand CAHMS is MH help for DCs - is this accessible via our GP & might it be a better option ??

thank you in advance :)

I wouldn't bother meeting her. I would simply write down all she said, hand it to the head and demand something be done about her.

I would also discuss your poor DDs situation further...and book DD into a yoga for kids class asap. They really can help in many ways...not only with stress but also with digestion...I don't know the details of DDs condition so apologies if it is serious or if Yoga isn't reccomended...but in my experience some yoga and childrens chill out type cds have helped my own DD>

I would see how DD goes for a few weeks...the frienship issues often crop up anyway at this age but your DDs stress hass obviously made her suffer far more. Poor thing. I am GLAD she's "bossy" as she needs to be tough to deal with the horrors who were mean!

It depends on how severely things are affecting her. If she is experiencing significant low mood and / or anxiety, or her difficulties are affecting her functioning, then CAMHS, if not, school counsellor. CAMHS is for children with mental health problems / mental illness...not sure if it sounds as if your daughter is at that level. So I'd probably suggest school counsellor.

But if there are issues at school that need dealing with then get school to deal with them - if you have no joy with speaking to the school counsellor (who may not be the most appropriate person re wider school issues anyway) then speak to your daughter's head of year.

....but if you feel a CAMHS referral is the best way forwards of course speak to your GP.

Thank you all for your replies.

I did take on board what you all wrote, I did have a meeting with the School counsellor & wrote down everything I needed her to understand - thankfully she was really apologetic about the distress caused to DD by the first session & she had been updated by the head as regards some of the girls owning up to whats been going on & that DD is being bullied & that there are jealousy issues etc, so I felt reassured & allowed DD to go to the next session with her, which DD felt much better about.

DD is still a mess, though better than she was & the School are dealing with things, but I'm not certain its as well as it could be dealt with, but things are in place to help DD - its not topping the snide remarks every time she's complimented for doing well in class etc & its only a small school, so nowhere else to put her, which the counsellor said she would prefer :(

DD has a diagnosis of irritable bowel syndrome, so stress plays havoc with her stomach, raging diarreah, pain etc, though we are seeing the Gastro Doc again, as some symptoms don't in my experience sit right - so want to be sure it is IBS & not more.

Yoga is a great idea, though I've not come across a local one aimed at kids & I've recently got print out of kids classes from Family info service & nothing on there, but I will look into it further, as she definitely needs help stopping stress from making her so ill.

School counselling seems more aimed at helping with the friendship issues ( her whole group of good friends turned on her whilst she was off sick & have picked on her relentlessly since she got back to School :( ) - so though it gets her out of class, gives her a break from bitchy snide remarks when she does well etc - its not helping her learn how to deal better with stress :(

Would CAHMS be better for that???