Hi Himalaya. I am sorry you are having such a tough time with your ds.

My ds (7) suffers from anxiety and depression. He was just diagnosed this year.

We started by going to our GP who referred us to our community paediatrician. We had to wait a little while to see her. She chatted to us for a long time and then sent us away with a questionaire for the school and one for us at home.

The class teacher found the questionaire didn't really let her say the things she wanted to say so she wrote a letter instead, outlining what she saw going on.

When we next saw the paediatrician she diagnosed him and referred him to Clinical Psychology at our local hospital. She put us on a speeded up waiting list but it still took 8 months to get an appointment.

We will have our appointment next week. We are told the appointment will last an hour to an hour and a half but I have no idea what will happen there.

Ds has been present at every appointment and has, at times, joined in with the discussion.

The school has also set up an IEP for him, giving him small targets to aim for over a few months and we meet every now and again to review his progress.

His class teacher has also set up methods for him to express how he is feeling to her and a time out place which he can take himself to when it is all too much.

Our ds has difficulty controlling all of his emotions, including his temper, so the time out option has been particularly useful as he has learned to remove himself when his temper is brewing rather than lose all control.

Have private messaged you

Himalaya I agree that your first step is your GP. Don't worry if you cry but if it is any consolation I cry at the drop of a hat but didn't cry at all about this with the doc. I was so desperate to get my point across and get help that it drove me on.

A good friend of mine is a psychologist and she thinks my ds will be offered CBT so if the budget allows you could ask your GP to recommend somewhere/someone.

As it stands, nothing will improve until you take action so I suggest you get yourself to the GP on your own for a chat. Then make a follow up appointment to go with ds. I have done this for dd about a different issue and it allowed me to speak freely with the doc and gave the doc time to consider his approach with dd before he saw her too.

I may know more after our appointment on Tuesday LeninGrad - I will pass on what we learn.

There is a good book for kids called What to do if you worry too much which might help though. It has bits the child can fill in throughout it.

The anxiety and possible depression may be as a result of the stress he is under at school if he is possibly dyslexic and/or ADHD. He may be finding it hard to cope at school and it is having a knock on effect on his mood?

Depending on what your GP says, and what the waiting list/funding is like for a referral of some sort for him, (and assuming you can do it financially) you could just pay independently for an assessment by an educational psychologist, just to get the ball rolling. Whilst it won't specifically deal with any mental health issues, it will tell you more specifically what his concentration/ learning difficulties actually consist of. It won't give you the whole picture, but it will at least help you start to unravel what is going on in his little head.

Don't play it down by saying it's not as bad as other kids' problems - he is only 8, and it's not really normal for a little boy of eight to feel so confused and unhappy. He obviously has some self-awareness about his own condition and it is troubling him. If he is unhappy and failing to thrive in education then he deserves to have the help he needs, and the sooner the better, or he could end up being the self-harmer, or the anorexic or the druggie. You know in your heart of hearts if something isn't right - there is no need to feel guilt about getting him some help.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply that he will end up a druggie if you don't do anything - just that you should not feel a fraud just because his issues don't seem as 'bad' as other peoples.

You need to get a statutory assessment for SEN. You can get the teacher to refer him and you should get an assessment by and educational psychologist to back up the statement if they give him one.

Prepare to pay privately to get and EP assessment as there is often a long waiting list.

Don't assume depression until his educational needs have been assessed and are being met.

'Don't assume depression until his educational needs have been assessed and are being met.'

Yes, that is what I was trying to say, albeit it in a rambling way!

I think it is worth following up professionally. My ds's teacher couldn't try any harder for him but if he also gets treatment at the hospital then hopefully he will learn techniques that will help him for life, not just while he has an excellent teacher.

Himalaya with a full assessment by an educational psychologist the school will be able to help him better, the EP will tell them what they need to do. Without it they are just muddling through. Even dyslexia should have a formal diagnosis with an EP.

The EP is arranged through the local authority not the school, and and in my experience is worth paying for if necessary. Depression also needs to be diagnosed properly but it is frequently exacerbated by undiagnosed educational needs.

It does concern me that a lot of people I know with children with difficulties speak about them in front of the child. Good that you have recognised this Leningrad. At one point the penny dropped with me (I used to do the same thing).

Simple problems can sometimes be exacerbated by talking about them too much. My daughter recently asked me why she is going to the doctor - 'there's nothing wrong with me'. And so now I have accepted her discharge from the paediatric services, despite SEN, LDs and hearing problems. She's right, there's nothing wrong with her, she's just different. She's getting plenty of support from the EP and SALT services, but she's right - she doesn't need a doctor. I applaud you Himalaya, for so far, seeing your child's 'different thinking' as a part of him, rather than an illness - but of course it's always best to get a professional opinion if the issues are having a profound effect on his development.

I would have to say that ds has been a lot happier since his problems have been discussed in front of him so I suppose it depends upon the child. He knew something had changed and didn't know what was going on. Now he has a bit more understanding and self awareness and that is helping him to try to manage his problems with his time out areas etc.

Ds's problems have not always beent there though - they were sparked by horrendous group parental bullying which was encouraged by the head teacher for a short while before they got to the bottom of things and realised ds was the victim rather than the bully.

Himalaya - the professionals involved do perform a different function and although Childrens Services are supposed to be joined up, they still are not.

Educational Psychologist is an expert in diagnosing whether your child has a problem with learning, such as dyslexia, autism, aspergers. They will tell the school the best way in which to teach him and advise you on how to handle things at home. Nobody else can diagnose dyslexia or autism, it is a specialism. They will also be able to pinpoint ADD, ADHD and other behavioral problems.

The Child and Adult Mental Health Services is something different again. They deal with psychological issues, whether they happen at home or at school, help find out the causes and again are specialists. I think GPs can diagnose depression, but I wouldn't trust their diagnosis personally. So Carrots had a good experience with them because they managed to get to the bottom of her DS's problems. (Awful experience Carrots, must have been horrendous).

To see both would be very helpful to your DS.

Regarding the talking about children in front of them, I think it's good to take time to listen to them, ask questions and really listen to their answers. I recommended this to a teacher once who had an autistic child with behavioural difficulties and she took the advice and came back to me and said 'you know, that really worked - thank you'!!! I'm thinking - ahem, it's not rocket science. Fact is that 90% of children suffering from depression say they feel they are not being listened to.