step daughter with severe emotional issues

[stepmum31]

Emotionally mentally and on occasions physically abused by her mother, told she was never wanted and should have been a miscarriage, blamed for her father loving her more then her mother, blamed for there break up and now she is scarred inside and through self harm on the outside too. Social took her away from her mother and we were contacted, She's a great kid but lacks all respect for herself or others which I can understand as if you've been told your nothing and unwanted all these years it's eneviatable she'd start to believe this, Her mother married a service man and moved alot and we never knew where they were so hubby has not seen his daughter in 10 years she is now 16, I had never met her but have gotten close to her as times gone on, I want so much good for her but she just wants to drink herself silly and has on many occasions ended up in hospital, she has no self worth and it breaks my heart to see her like this, what can I do to make her realise we love her and we are not trying to ruin her fun but we want her to think abit more and be safe and how can I build her self confidence? I want to help her as I love her very much

you sound like a lovely step mum.

sometime you simly can't protect someone from their own pain, however much you want to, but you can always be there for that person when they start to emerge. ( I speak from deep painful experience as dd self harmed for many years before telling me, but we are both fine now). (she is 18. self harming was 13-17).

what useful thing can I say? be strong in yourself. see her pain. be endlessly and amazingly kind and loving towards her. keep trying.

good luck x x x

You probably can't build her self-confidence yourself. But a good counsellor may be able to help her work out all her issues and realise that her mum's treatment of her doesn't have to define the rest of her life. So a great thing you can do for her is find and fund such a counsellor and support and be there for her, whatever happens.

You do sound like a very caring stepmother - and I really hope that you can help your DSD to break the cycle and start realising that such a damaged person's view of her is not a good one upon which to base her own view of herself.

If you've never met her, you are not the best person to help her. If your partner has not seen her for years, he is not the best person to help her either.
And if neither of you has seen her for years, you maybe don't need to upset yourselves because whatever reports you are getting about her may not be remotely accurate.