our son is bullying his parents!

[babbsy]

This is my first post and I am hoping s.o can offer me some advice. Our ds, aged 11, is becoming more and more unmanageable. he calls me a f*king c**t (words which have never come out of my mouth or my husbands), he calls dh 'dick',he throws things around the house and screams abuse at us for the slightest reason. Help please.

what consequences are there for his behaviour?

Yes what do you set as punishment for this?

Has he always displayed challenging behaviours? Is this out of character?

Babbsy Is your son at High School yet? or is he anxious about the changeover?
Not excusing this behaviour but looking for the trigger.
It must be learned behaviour.. therefore who is he copying?
You need to look at the others around him for the answer to this. Also what about his siblings? Are they younger? Does he have older boys as role models? Are they the wrong type? Sorry to ask too many personal questions

Blimey. My sons 11. Yes, he's anxious about the transition to secondary school. Not sleeping too well, easy to tears and fighting more with his sister, but no way are we seeing the sort of behaviour you describe.

How longs it been going on? It sounds as though your ds has assumed the role of pack leader in your house. Has there been any family problems lately that would cause him to feel as though he needed to take charge?

Cripes!! [shock}
When did all this start?

I have complete sympathy. Have always been v strict with DS (12) - idea that babbsy simply doesn't have firm enough punishments in place is laughable.

DS is angel out of home (others words not ours) but I have always been troubled by his ability to "flip out" and become a completely different person at home.

During "episodes" he has progressed from verbal derision and swearing to physical aggression and frankly it's frightening. Oh and this is not learned from us, plus parental controls still on his computer, he doesn't get to watch age inappropriate TV or films and most of his time is supervised one way or another (tons of sports / extra curricular stuff)

Recently I tried to covertly video abuse in attempt to preserve my sanity (he caught me and this made things much much worse). Phases (days, stretching to weeks) pass and we get back to some shade of normal but DH and I are exhausted and probably somewhat depressed.

Babbsy hang in there - I have been assured by friends of teenage boys that this is normal (if extreme) especially if he is bright (????) Gallows humour helps - there are days when all I can think about is "We Need To Talk About Kevin" and hope no one buys him a bow and arrow for Christmas.