Just picked DS up from A&E....

[Thornykate]

Feel as though I am monopolising this new topic already

DS has been staying with BIL for past week since discharge from hospital & has refused to see or speak to me for several weeks now.

Tonight I recieved call from A&E as DS was brought in by ambulance due to being drunk to the point of unconsciousness, had to have airway put in & IV fluids but thankfully is otherwise OK. We took him back to BILs & settled him on the sofa in recovery position for the night. BIL says he will keep checking on him through the night.

Am sure someone will want to flame me for how this sounds but even though I am obviously upset that he got drunk (he doesn't usually drink) & was at risk of serious harm I feel glad that he told the hospital to phone me & even though I know he was drunk he actually was asking for me & said he was sorry for everything he had done recently, even in the car on the way home he kept asking for me. I am praying that he still feels same way tomorrow & that we are coming to a turning point as it kills me to know that he is not in a good place mentally & that he wont let me support him through it. I know other people care about him too but I worry about him 24/7 & I can't stand for him to be struggling without me when I want to be there for him.

Even if it was the drink talking I have a bit of faith now that he isn't hating me completely so maybe we can build some bridges.

Bless him though; when I watched him sleeping it off his face is still like when he was a baby...even though he's bloody huge now!

is he having any kind of counselling?

Yes thanks he is thankfully getting quite a lot of input from services he is under the care of a psychiatrist & has a keyworker too, he is on waiting list to see psychologist which I hope will help him.

Had to call the paramedics on thursday night. DS1 had taken 'something' and I think he must have passed out (I was out at the time). He managed to phone me and when I came back I was not happy with his breathing etc. They came within about 20 mins and checked him out in the back of the ambulance. Where I believe he broke down in tears apologising to everyone about the trouble he had caused.
Anyway he carries on as if nothing has happened and I have heard all the apologies before.
In truth I would like him to go away and leave the house in peace so we can get on with our lives.

That must have been v stressful for you :( sounds like you feel at the end of your tether with it all.

DS has apparently gone out somewhere without a word to anyone & BIL is going out for the night too so I will have to call BILs landline later to check that DS is home safe.

I have had zero appetite recently & I think it is due to the constant worry. wish I could think of a way to help him it feels like whatever I do is no good & I am too scared of what may happen to him to step back & leave him to it.

No sign of DS @ BILs house yet. DP pointed out that DS might be planning on staying at a friends house but he's not told anyone that. Will check again at 11pm. Suppose if he's not there I have to get youngest DS out oc bed in middle of night again, this time to go & look for DS & report him missing if necessary.

I know it sounds selfish but I am supposed to be on an important course all day tomorrow & I feel so upset & sick with worrying all the time I don't even want to go. Should have been reading up in preparation for if tonight but can't concentrate. Missing course not an option as they Wont refund & it cost a lot of money & isn't on again for 6 months either.

Feel thoroughly stressed out, sick with worry & finding it hard to take a day at a time.

Ok thankfully he has been located & told on phone by DP that he will bs grounded at BILs if he keeps disappearing. Now to get some much needed sleep so that I am at least half awake tomorrow.

Am sure I sound neurotic on here but am terrified of him coming to harm as he is not in the best mental health at the moment.