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Have I messed up?

4 replies

Andy64 · 05/02/2025 19:31

Hi everyone
It's a long time since I posted here but I could really use some answers/help.
Today I damaged one of the alloy wheels on our car. Rang my husband who said to contact the main dealer as it would need a new alloy wheel. Dealership asked me to take the car for assessment and they said indeed it would be a new wheel as it was not possible to refurbish it. I went ahead and paid for the new wheel for a significant amount of money thinking I had done the right thing. When my husband got home from work he went absolutely mad when he'd had a look at the car. He feels certain the wheel is repairable (he knows far more about cars than me) and told me I should have rang him first before paying for the wheel or at least sent him some photos so he could see the damage. He said he feels like he's working for nothing (I am retired which I think he resents) and that he's "getting nothing out of this" I presumed he means our marriage but he was so angry I didn't say anything as I didn't want to further inflame things. I explained that I thought I'd done the right thing because he said to order a new wheel and I apologised but he was adamant I am in the wrong. He is now employing the silent treatment which breaks my heart. I've contacted the dealership to see if I can get a refund but I won't find out until tomorrow morning. I'm so sad and I struggle to cope with the silent treatment. It's not the first time it's happened! 😢

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 19:33

It all sounds hugely over the top for a new wheel!

Is the deeper issue the unequal retirement? Is it new? What was behind you retiring and him continuing to work rather than say both reducing your hours?

Monvelo · 05/02/2025 19:35

I think you have a husband issue, not a car issue.

Andy64 · 05/02/2025 19:42

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 19:33

It all sounds hugely over the top for a new wheel!

Is the deeper issue the unequal retirement? Is it new? What was behind you retiring and him continuing to work rather than say both reducing your hours?

I worked as a nurse for 40 years but in 2023 I retired with his full support. He supports us financially and I have a decent NHS pension. He's self employed so reducing his hours is not an option. My plan was to return to work in some capacity in early 2024 but that hasn't happened for lots of reasons. He thinks I take things for granted and don't appreciate him but that is definitely not the case. I truly appreciate him and that at 60 years old I'm retired and very fortunate but that said, my life isn't all a bed of roses because of my commitments to my dad (86) and my mother in law (83)

OP posts:
Tittibits · 05/02/2025 19:54

You anxiety about this is palpable. It’s like you are terrified about what your bullying husband will say. Shit happens- it was an accident! He doesn’t sound like a nice man.

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