Dad rushed into hospital, mum in despair: what happens next?

[saythatagain]

I was rushed in on Saturday afternoon and was kept in the acute assessment centre over the weekend then moved into a ward. My mum cannot cope with him anymore for both of them. He's being assessed. Can anyone tell me what will happen next please?

Sorry, that should say he not I....I'm very stressed at the moment.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know your story, but what she needs to be is totally honest with the social worker and ward staff, and def not let herself get pushed into taking him home with promises about carers or whatever if that is not what she wants or needs. No one is going to judge her for needing him to get the care he (and she) needs, and she has to remember that.

Social services will, I'm afraid, be mindful of minimising their outgoings and will be approaching any post hospital options for your father on that basis.

Whilst your father is away from home and under the hospital's care is the best time to push for a proper and suitable care package for him that takes into account your mum's ability to care for him at home or her inability/unsuitability to continue to do so.

OneLieIn: He's a very poorly man, having been so all my life. Now, he's 80 and amongst other things suffers from chronic pain. He takes a whole host of tablets and has morphine patches. He fell over on Saturday and became delerious. My mum is on the verge of collapse physically and mentally.

cmotdibbler: I think she's got to the point now where there is no option but to place him somewhere, although she feels enormous guilt.

My question is: who makes the decision and where do they look at? Its all so very unchartered territory?

sitdowngeorge: My mum is no position financially to be able to pay for him to go into a home; so where does that leave them? Thanks for all the information.

It's the social work team that are responsible for arranging post hospital care. If they only have savings below the threshold for care (I think this is 16k), then the nursing or care home will have to be funded by social services - as he is so poorly, I think this would be classed as a health need rather than care, so would be funded anyway.

Some councils do it that they have a list of places that they will fund, and you get to go and look at them and decide, and I think others just tell you.

The best thing is to make an appointment with your mum to see the social worker, and find out what the situation is in their area. Emphasise that your mum cannot cope, and that she will not have him discharged home (this sounds really awful, but it is much, much harder to get them to find a care place when someone is at home that when they are in hospital)

Thanks dibbler, this information will no doubt prove to be invaluable.

No problem - we went through hoops with my GM (who needed nursing and dementia care), and GMIL has just had a bit of a rough patch where SS wanted her to go home from hospital when immobile and in a huge splint to stop her hip dislocating, so have been through all this.

Age Concern have some great info on their website

Another thing that can be helpful is if you have a more local community hospital is getting him moved there, as the sisters on the wards who do respite care are very clued up on resources, and can be your best source of info

My father has been getting steadily frailer over the last 6 years, both mentally and physically. He is now 83. My mother, two years younger, is still very well, and determined to keep him at home for as long as she possibly can. We have had many late night trips to hospital over the years, and it is only in the last 6 months that she is finally getting the support she needs - as another poster said, the services, social and medical, will avoid doing anything for as long as they possibly can, so far as I can see.

However, she is now organised with nurses coming in three mornings a week to get him up, washed and dressed. The local care team have sorted out a hospital bed (he now sleeps downstairs in the sitting room) and something called a standaid to get from bed to wheelchair to armchair. They have also found her a sort of slimline wheelchair so he can have a shower once a week (the nurses do this). A carer comes in once a week to sit with him so that Mum can get out to choir practice or do a bit of shopping.The doctors surgery has finally got its act in gear, and the doctor and district nurse visit when it is needed.

Having the support in place has made a huge difference to Mum - she can now cope with what she wants to do for him. I have enormous admiration for the kindness and and grace with which she is handling such a horribly difficult situation.

I suppose what I am trying to say is firstly, if your Mum wants to keep your Dad at home there is a lot that can be done to help her. But she will have to be very firm with all concerned that he only comes home when there is a proper care package in place. My mother has been her own worst enemy in many ways - Dad loathes hospitals, and Mum has always done her utmost to get him home as soon as she can without necessarily waiting for things to be sorted out. The cost of getting help in to support a carer at home is infinitely less that full-time nursing home fees (my parents are well-off enough that they are self-funding). So far as I can tell, if your parents have much in the way of capital, most of it will have to have been spent on care fees before the state steps in, but I am not sure exactly what the thresholds are. Your local council website will probably have quite a lot of information about what is available, and will certainly be very up front about who and how they expect to pay for it!

Thank you neversaysdie.
Wnet to see dad last night, they're no nearer to finding out what this currecnt problem is. My mum has cared for my dad for the past 46 years, obviously the care has become much more intense as the years have past. He's 80, she's 70; I think it has come to the point where my mum needs to have a break. If I'm honest, I think it would be better if my dad went into full time care now. Thats hard to write, he's my dad, but my poor mum is at her wits end. I think she deserves some time for living herself, without the pressure of my dad with her 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Wihtout knowing it, he's sucking the life out of her .

My mum has just been tested to see if she has to pay for her own care. I believe that the threshold now is £22,500 in savings. They then go through all sorts of questions such as energy costs, phone costs etc. My mum does not have to pay for her care at the moment and she does own her own property (which is worth a lot more than £22,500). She is also still at home.

Unfortunately I think a lot of the money side is up to individual local authorities discretion.

With regards to care homes, I found that really confusing. The best advice I can give is talk to the social worker. They will be able to give you details of the care homes that are available locally and which ones are suitable for your dads care needs. If they do not have to pay for care (and I hope they don't), social services allocate a 'band' and that is the amount they will pay per week towards the care. In my experience it NEVER covers the weekly cost (unless you can find a local authority care home). However, some care homes will waive the difference. Again I think it just depends on which Local Authority you are dealing with.

Good luck, and my heart goes out to your mum. I struggle to look after my mum and I'm in my 30's