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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

Help I’m crumbling

3 replies

SereneMauveUser · 31/12/2025 11:00

My husband has life changing injuries following an accident. He’s not the same as he and after three years of rehab has been retired. We have three children who have been through alot from thinking they were going to lose their father and now one who is now emotionally distant and cognitively impaired with memory issues. My eldest child has taken the brunt of all this taking on the father figure and as a result is failing in school, has no friends and does not leave the house ( has had a lot of bullying from kids saying his dad isa vegetable). He is now struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts and I don’t know how to help. I have been doing okay throughout resilience wise though have had everything thrown at me. From fighting to get him through rehab and treatment, endless battling at medical appointments, constant new health issues, financial pressures and everything going wrong with house, car, family falling out with me. Two years down the line I feel like I’m crumbling, losing my temper all the time and crying and feel like running away. I don’t get a break from caring responsibilities (no family offer help) and work full time. I have lost it tonight and children are crying saying they need me to be happy. I am so worried about the impact on their mental health and also my separate worries about what life holds for me now. My lack of joy and unhappiness is seeping into all of our lives like a poison. But there is no way out. What can I do to build my resilience back up? How can I protect my kids from all the unhappiness and instability? Any comments or thoughts are much appreciated. I feel like all the years of good parenting and bringing them up in a happy stable environment have been for nothing. How do I get myself and us back on track.?

OP posts:
Upthenorth · 31/12/2025 11:07

Goodness OP you have been through a hell of a lot. Who could go through all this and not be impacted?!
Children understand emotions and that adults are human, you haven’t undone anything but it would be good if you can get to a better place for you and them.
Is there any chance you can get to see a GP today for you?
They’ll be able to advise but I would also hope they can make a referral for you access talking therapy or similar. I know there’s always a long wait.
Sending you strength OP. 💐

Geenie1207 · 31/12/2025 11:09

Hello! I didn’t want to read and run as you sound like you are having such a tough time! What is it like being married to your husband, does he help you (is he capable)? do you think it would be better for you and your children if you made alternative arrangements for him and you lived separately so that you could concentrate on them and have scheduled contact with him? I’m not sure from your post how impaired your husband is, how much care he needs, or how much of your time is spent looking after him, but I know that should something life altering happen to me I would want my husband to do anything necessary to make our children’s life as easy as possible (even if it was to my detriment and even though I’m sure he would feel terrible about it). You sound lovely and a really caring mum who is doing all you can, but what deep down do you think would make a difference. Good luck!

jaynie06 · 04/01/2026 01:16

I just wanted to say I feel the same and I understand. It is awful, being the one who has to cope and be strong when you are breaking. My once healthy happy husband has a degenerative condition and personality change is part of it as well as progressive physical problems. I wish I had advice for you... And me! I know how you feel x

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