Elderly mother given up on life

[Stressymum1]

My elderly mother has suffered from ill health for many years. Recently she fell at home and cracked 8 ribs. She has been in hospital for nearly a month now, and has given up on life. She isn’t in pain now, but won’t even get out of the bed at all. She repeatedly tells me she wants to die. It’s obviously very difficult to see her like this. I can’t help feeling angry towards her, trying to get her to do something. Soon the hospital will just send her home with a hospital bed.

does anyone have experience of this with their relations, should I try to drag her out of the bed, beg her, or just sit there holding her g her hand listening to her tell me she wants to die, which is what she wants

They do give up. Some earlier than others. My nan lived 10 years without her husband. 72
She would have gone the same day if she could

Send her home? Not to live on her own, surely?

Oh bless her and you! That’s such tough going, 8 ribs must have been so painful. 😣 and to be laid up for so long would bring anyone’s mood down even a fit younger person. I would defo keep trying with her, but I would also be making a gp appointment for her, she may need medication for her mood. I really hope there is some light for you both soon x
My own elderly mum has just come through the most horrific cancer treatment and I really don’t know how we all came out the other side but we did, the year was long but as her mood and strength picked up we just keep encouraging her to get out and talk to people, brought her for drives, made sure she had friends around - even when she wanted to see no one. She could have gone one way or the other on a few very low times but we were lucky she came out the other side.

How is her health otherwise? It must be very difficult to lose confidence in your ability to look after yourself. Fear of falling, unable to be out and about. I’m not sure I’d fight to be honest.

Could she do a stint in a nursing home, see if she likes it?

I’d want to be left in bed with regular pots of ice cream and something gentle on the tv, to be honest. I remember my Gran in a geriatrics ward in the 70s. It was a long ward of beds, all fairly capable older women. Sat up in bed jackets. Chatting to pass the time. I used to visit after school and the nurses would find me a jelly and icecream.

thanks for your kind words

She did get pneumonia, it’s really dangerous for her just to lie in bed

Mum died, last week, had an “episode” on the Friday , lost consciousness and then took 5 days to actually die.
we are not religious, so it was very hard. My younger son is about to go to uni, but is really struggling with his mental health.
I’m sure things will get better, but at the moment I just want to move away, or emigrate

Sending love OP. You have been through a lot. I hope your son has a good start to uni.

Sorry for your loss OP, and that your mum had such a difficult time towards the end. Good luck to your son, that's unlucky timing but he has a few weeks to start feeling a bit better before he goes.

So sorry for your loss OP. Be sure to get your son to check in with his personal tutor when he starts Uni and to tell him to access Student Support.

Totally normal to think about fleeing - you've had a bereavement and you've a child leaving for Uni (which is a stress in itself). Just take one day at a time.

@Stressymum1 really sorry to hear your sad news, what a difficult time for everyone. Sending hugs to you and your family.

Sending you love OP. It's hard for you all now but in the end your mum may well have been happier to be spared many more months or years of waiting to die when she felt she'd had enough. I'm very sorry for the loss and grief you are all experiencing x

@Stressymum1 im so so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family at this time x

Thank you for your kind comments

Sorry for your loss, my own MIL fell over and broke her hip, she was 82 but extremely active, we were told it could go either way with her recovery and whilst it did take many months, she lost something in her, she also lost her sister who she would speak to daily and saw at least twice a week. We think she gave up as suddenly she took to her bed, stopped eating and drinking. We got her in hospital where she rallied a few days but then refused all food and died about 10 days later. It’s really sad to see someone give up and we also didn’t like that they put cause of death down as anorexia, but as she didn’t have any other conditions, that’s what they had to put, it’s so sad.