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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

the cleaner who doesn't clean

11 replies

lovetwinklylights · 04/06/2025 09:19

I work with a lady who has dementia. I've known her for 6 yrs but have been working formally for her for just over a year. I shop, cook, do her laundry, change beds, medical appts, meds, money and manage her house. She has had a cleaner for 12yrs who does a very light clean twice a week, two hours at a time. She doesn't do upstairs at all. She is paid at least £80 a week. When I started to work the house was filthy, the kitchen was really dirty and the fridge was scary. I have been doing my own work now plus cleaning the house and it's too much. With family's consent the cleaner has been asked to do upstairs on one of her days but she is resistant to me asking her to do anything and reverts back to very little. The family would like to get someone else in to clean properly and also to cover me when I need time off but the elderly lady is so bonded to this cleaner that she won't hear of it. The family and I feel cleaner is taking advantage of the lady's dementia, saying that the lady says not to clean, let's have a chat instead etc. but she let's me clean, it's all how it's managed. We know she'll be upset at losing this cleaner but her dementia is such that she'll not remember and the new cleaner we have in mind will be such a great replacement. Any advice?

OP posts:
Tiredofwhataboutery · 04/06/2025 13:25

Well who has power of attorney for financial affairs and has it been formally decided thst she lacks capacity?

lovetwinklylights · 05/06/2025 09:28

POA in place but I'm asking advice on how to do this well and with as little trauma to the elderly lady, not whether it's legal or not.

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 09/06/2025 07:42

I think you have a couple of options

a) you go with it and just keep the status quo and the old lady happy.
b) you cancel the cleaner and tell the lady that sorry Flossie couldn’t come any more (I assume she’s house bound and never likely to find out to the contrary
c) you cancel the cleaner and be honest and deal with the fallout as gently as you can.

MushMonster · 09/06/2025 08:00

I would fire this cleaner. Then tell the lady the truth.
But... I would introduce the new cleaner first. Just have her around on one of your days, giving you a hand.
It sounds like the lady is lonely and she enjoys some chat. But a filthy environment is not what she needs, at all.
Once you are a bit more free, because you do not have to clean, you can chat a bit more with her. Maybe the new cleaner can have a few 15 min chat with her too.

doglikescheeseontoast · 09/06/2025 08:07

Would funds allow employment of both - a new cleaner who will actually clean, AND keep the current cleaner on with reduced hours to provide the ‘chatting’ if the lady does enjoy that?

lovetwinklylights · 09/06/2025 19:09

We have a new cleaner on the sidelines who we will introduce slowly. She'll be a great cleaner and will be good company also😊

OP posts:
MushMonster · 09/06/2025 19:13

Go for it.
I hate abusers like this. Just turn up, do nothing, but keep the boss happy with some charming convo...

Dora26 · 04/11/2025 16:54

Def go for it - this is elder abuse

AlohaRose · 04/11/2025 17:56

Get rid of the cleaner immediately, pay her a bit of notice if you must and make sure you get her keys from her. Then bring the new cleaner along with you and introduce her as someone who is going to help out while the old cleaner is on “holiday”. If you think that the lady with dementia will not remember the old Cleaner soon anyway then it doesn’t seem like it should be a major trauma.

AnnaMagnani · 04/11/2025 18:54

Get rid and pay her notice if needed so she doesn't turn up and start upsetting the elderly lady 'It's so saaad I can't come any more, your mean family won't let me, waaahhh!'

Probably easier to just change the locks as well.

Irenesortof · 04/11/2025 20:09

lovetwinklylights · 05/06/2025 09:28

POA in place but I'm asking advice on how to do this well and with as little trauma to the elderly lady, not whether it's legal or not.

But you won’t do it without being certain it’s legal???? If this woman wants to pay for a particular visitors company and has capacity to decide, nobody should interfere.

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