Carer strain - 95 year old mum

[MyPinkSquid]

I suppose I am sitting here writing this as self therapy! I am in my 50s married with DS x2 . I have a professional degree and am self employed but all going well ... BUT ... my mum went to bed 2 years ago and hasn't left except to smoke ( alot ) or go to loo .
in the last 2 years I have organised everything.MHN input carers private cleaner private podiatrist etc . She has a friend who pops in daily .
however every 3 to 4 days I go down with shopping and change the bed . I live 20 miles away and feel this will never end and this trip takes 6 hours door to door . Mum is 95 and has dementia with profound short term memory loss . She is pleasant but volatile and is of the generation " this is a daughter's duty " which it is I guess it is ... but her mum passed away at 70 mum lived next door to her and was a homemaker ! I am the breadwinner of my family .
rant over ❤️

As someone who lives in, does everything and currently can't even get their parent (93), vascular dementia, to drink a glass of water without them having a fucking hissy fit, I salute you.

Mine says they want to reach 100, at this rate, I (53) will be dead before them.

I would just like to add that whilst they might think it is a daughter's duty, you can stop if it gets too much. My sister, so also a daughter, does fuck all apart from occasionally make supportive noises. I have though succeeded in her doing respite so I can get a break, but I know I will pay for it one way or another. 🙄

Funny how all these very elderly people say it is a daughter's duty to look after them isn't it? Sons never seem to get a mention.

OP, you do not have to do this if you feel you really can't cope any more and the strain is affecting your own health and wellbeing. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You don't have to be the one to 'rescue' her from having to go into residential care. If things have got too much for you then they've got too much for you.

Unsync I admire you for being a 24 hour carer . It's not feasible for me to do this but I couldn't cope anyway ... I am glad you have managed to get some respite ! ❤️@benicewhen its finished - I have a sibling who lives 5 mins from mum and puts his bum in a seat for 10 mins twice a week . It isn't that it's too much ..... it's the thought I am going to be tied to this for another 2 years .... it's just one disaster after another... even getting away for a 5 day holiday with my son involved military style planning !! and I was still texted about rubbish 😞.