To think my husband needs better friends?

[HolliiiM]

I feel so sad for my husband
He's a lovely guy, slightly introverted but he has had the same friends since he was 14 and has never made the effort to make new ones.
Over the last few years the friends he has have settled down or had babies and we also welcomed a child last year.
Since then, these friends have only met our child once or twice. They do not get in touch to arrange a meet up and I think it's been months since he last saw them.
One friend in particular, was his best man at our wedding but I am not fond of him.
For example, my husband is a painter and decorator and when the best man bought his own house, he asked my husband to help with the decorating. My husband showed up at 8am and the best man didn't roll out of bed till gone 10am and the best man's partner had to let my husband in. No furniture had been moved, my husband had to do it all himself and I just thought that was really shitty. Considering my husband drove 40 mins to get to his house.
The best man also was meant to go to a gig with my husband in Feb which was booked a year ago, the best man forgot and has now pulled out because he double booked and I feel so sad for my husband. Fortunately I'm going with him and so is his sister and brother in law.
I just can't put up with this crap behaviour from so called "best friends"
How do I convince my husband he needs better friends?

I feel this way about some of my dp’s friends too. Ultimately it comes from a place of love and care and feeling angry on their behalf because the person we love (we feel) is being let down or taken advantage of.
unfortunately, you just cannot say anything. It really is his life and I presume he’s a fully emotionally capable person, therefore he just has to find his own way with it. Otherwise you risk pushing him away and coming across as controlling. I understand completely your viewpoint but I would tread with caution and let him figure it out himself.

I did day something to mine. He was always moaning about this person or that person letting him down in some way. I eventually lost my patience with him and asked him why he was hanging around with such losers who only ever seemed to use him. He reckons bad friends are better than no friends. Ok that's his choice, although I think it's madness. It's not as if there's no other people in the world he could be friends with, but I suppose that involves effort to get out and meet them in the first place. I did tell him to stop complaining to me about it though, because it's entirely his choice who he lends his stuff to or who he does favours for. He does say no to them more often now so what I said must have sunk in a bit.

His friendships are his business, not yours.
Just be an amazing wife and friend, and make sure he has that love and support when he needs it. It’s all you can do.
It will harm your relationship if you bad mouth his friends.

Awww I think us ladies view friendships differently. To your husband, your his world. My ex husband is a good man and thought people he drank with were his friends until we moved and not one text even. The same again recently when he moved.
I do say join indoor bowls or golf and make some friends but he is an adult and will do if he wants to.
Being used is a different matter and the painting I'd say to your husband, please don't be used like that again, it hurts me to see people treat you like that but at the end of the day, your husband is the better person and helping where he can.
Sounds like you have a lovely man but I'm 58 next month and very few men I've met have good friendships.

I don't want to paint all men with the same brush but none of the men I know maintain friendships in the way women do.

My DH has a couple of mates he goes to the pub with occasionally, but their conversations don't go much beyond the latest football transfers/a band they like/what their favourite beer is at the bar. They're also flakey and will arrange to meet up then let him down.

Other friends of mine say the same about their husbands - they have people they play sport with/have a drink with etc but all seems to be on a superficial level.

When mine gets back from a meet up with his mates (who I also know) I'll say "how's X's wife/kids?" - "oh, I dunno, didn't ask". "Any news?" "No, not really".

I on the other hand have a selection of friends who I make the effort to keep contact with, and have really good chats with about what's going on in our lives.

If your DH hasn’t made any new friends since the age of 14, I don’t think he’s likely to make the leap now. Friends aren’t that important to him, by the sound of things, which is fine as long as long as he’s ok with it. I don’t think it’s your place to interfere.