Any healthcare professionals on here? Need advice

[G3mini2]

So my nana was looking after my disabled mother she's in her 70s no one else wanted to look after her as she's quite abusive/verbally abusive. So I did for my grandad as he doesn't want her in a home.

I've been looking after her for nearly 6 months now between Jan and now I've never been through so much stress in my whole life. She's attacked me a few times and my pregnant sister who also lives in the house, she's threatened to hurt my 2 year old if he "woke up" she would put him to sleep permanently. She's tried pushing me down the stairs and is just generally vile verbally. I've told my grandad her dad about all this... (he's her appointee) and he doesn't really help me no one in the family wants to know.

Last night she tried to take off with the house key I had my son in my arms trying to get him to sleep so my partner went over to her and she attacked him he suffers with chronic pancreatitis and it's caused a massive flare up.

I'm seriously at my limit I have no help with family and grandad doesn't want professionals involved

What can I do 😪

We have carers in the morning to wash her and get her dressed. They even told my grandad she needs assessing somethings not right. He ignores it all. She also soils herself on purpose to make me clean it all the time. I'm seriously regretting my decision to take over we didn't sign up for this

What is her medical condition? Who is treating her, does she have any hospital services involved?

She had heart attack and died for 12 mins 8 years a go. She's brain damaged and got short term memory loss. We have carers that come in the morning to wash her and dress her that's all she has a social worker but I don't their number

She wanders about at night as well so I don't sleep well cause I generally don't know what she's capable of

You need to contact the social worker, contact details for adult social services can be found on your local council website.

Contact her social worker via the local adult social services. If you ring them they should know who she's allocated to and pass a message to them. Tell them it's urgent as you have a young child in the house, you are now her carer and you don't know if she's safe to be around young child.

Also get in touch with her GP and say you need her reassessed by the local brain injury service. Explain the difficulties you're having and you are concerned about her behaviour around a young child.
To be honest some people's behaviour and lack of awareness means they shouldn't be looked after in households with children.

Really sorry you're going through this. You have rights as a carer.
Get on the phone today and good luck.

This might sound harsh, but you do not have to care for your mother. You do not owe her anything. This is YOUR life, and you have every right to live a peaceful life free from abuse.

Tell all the agencies - social services, GP - that you are no longer willing or able to be her carer.

Tell them she is violent and unpredictable and that you cannot put your child at risk.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you are able to free yourself and your family from this untenable situation.

@PiHanLot thank you so much. I'm not down on the book as her carer or claim carers as I work. Will this matter? I'm struggling like really struggling mentally and physically.
When she threatened to hurt my son that was my last straw, last night was the icing on the cake I'm so done.

I'll get on the phone to them today

@Sicario no honestly I appreciate your honesty she wasn't the best parent raising the three of us it's no wonder the others won't help or take her. She was a horrible person back then 😂 I took over out of heart for my nana. She was bad with her but not like this it's like she's punishing me for taking over. My grandad defends her "she doesn't know what she's doing".
She can lash out at me all she wants but when it comes to son or partner that's where I cross the line.

I'll get on the phone to them today thank you all so much ❤️

It's ok that you're not registered as her carer or claim carers allowance. Just explain to SW and GP what you've said here about having to take over her care from your nana.
You are a family member providing care so you are a carer.

People with brain injury's needs can change over time and deteriorations can occur. You will be doing her a favour to have her reassessed and your grandad may take advice on her needs better from a health professional.

Just Google “adult social care + your geographical location” and ring the number, if you give them
your mums details they will find her case and you can tell them the whole story.

You are not obligated to provide this care for your Mum just because your grandad wants you to. It sounds like everyone’s relationships would be better served with more professionals involved in her care.

That's an awful situation to be in. She needs proper care and you need to feel you and your children are safe in your homes. I have every sympathy for you OP.

So after last weeks antics pushed me over the edge, she kicked my 2 year old and punched my partner in the face I rang her gp to get her reassessed I know it's going to hit the fan and she will probably end up in a home.

My question is am I going to be made homeless? My mums a housing association tenant I gave up my home to care for her, my mother moved here when I was 8 months old. Will I be made homeless if she has to go into care? I've lived here majority of my life
I don't know what rights I have to succeed the tenancy I don't want to make my family homeless but living with violence I can't carry on either

@G3mini2 I'm so glad you have managed to get her reassessed. With kindness, it sounds as if she needs to be looked after somewhere they have the set up to cope with that sort of behaviour. Regarding your housing situation, the HA are the only ones that can answer that I think. Maybe try citizens advice?

@OrlandointheWilderness yes definitely it's coming to the point now I can't leave my son in a room with her alone because I have no idea what she's capable of it was my last straw she's crossed the line, I'm just terrified of being homeless but as I said I can't go on with violence in the house either so I'll reach out to her council and see what rights I have thank you x

@OrlandointheWilderness so I've just got done with her gp I told them about my son and what she's done and said towards him. They're now ringing children social services and now I'm panicking they said it's not to take him away from us but to look him over cos she kicked him I'm absolutely mortified I feel sick and worried 😭 I don't know what to do

Don't panic - SS are there to safeguard and you have been open and honest with them to enable that. They don't WANT to remove happy children, they will help find a way forwards. What has the GP said about getting her moved?

@OrlandointheWilderness you just hear social services and think of the worst I've been in bits all afternoon worrying sick I feel like walking out. My grandparents are moody with me because I spoke to the truth. And not a lot tbh they said her physical side is normal they want to do a full mental health assessment with her. They are gonna get in touch with her social worker to discuss further action and what can be done

Oh OP bless you that sounds horrendous you poor thing.
You definitely need to get your son away from her.
You've absolutely done the right thing involving SS. They are there to help X

Go to your local citizens advice bureau OP they will be able to tell you the situation with the house. I think if you've lived there all your life you may be ok. But I'm not an expert in housing. CAB are set up to advise you.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/

@MadameMassiveSalad no I don't think I can do this anymore she's just this minute gone for my partner again over something so stupid I don't think I can go any longer, if I go into the council would they rehouse me?? I'm honestly in bits I can't do this anymore. I'm done with her...
I also don't want to leave my son homeless but honestly I'd rather go homeless then live with this I'm at my whits end to the point where I'm going to lash out 😔 she's doing too much I want to get out