Mum has died, I am not crying? Why?

[hiwhy]

My mum passed away a few days ago, she was 52. She found out she had terminal cancer in December 2021.. I was really upset the morning after. But since then I don't seem to be crying and I don't seem to be devastated like every one else is? What is wrong with me? I loved her so much. I do love her so much, I miss her. I miss our daily contact and video calls. Towards the end I spent every day for a whole month at hospice. Then the last week at home, as she became more unwell and weaker. I was beside her as she passed.. I was so upset the day after she died but only for 3 hours. I am sad, but more because what should have been. What life she should have had.. but other than that I keep forgetting.. then feeling guilty that I forget about what's happening. When I say I forget it's for minutes. Then I'm reminded and feel awful for even being able to forget when others can't even get themselves out of bed. Why am I not upset? I am sorry for this long post, I have lost a lot in the past. But this is my mum.. the person who give me life. I should be worse, why am I not? I'm sorry for the long winded post. I just don't know where else to post.

Often with grief it takes some time for the reality of the permanence of your loss to feel real. My dad died many years ago and it didn’t feel real until the funeral for me.

I’m sorry for your loss. 💐

There is no right way to feel when you lose your mother (or anyone you love) - I felt I did a lot of anticipatory grieving before my DM died, and that meant that although I was sad, and quite angry that she died too young, I wasn’t as devastated as I thought I’d be. Or it can come later. But again - there is no set way to go through this, so never feel guilty that you aren’t doing it “right”.

I didn't cry much when my mum died, or my dad, and yet I was very close to them both - only child. My mum didn't cry much when my step-dad died, and she loved him very much. The morning after my dad's much loved partner died he went off to a meeting. Everyone experiences grief in their own way, there is no "right way". You loved your mum, that is all that matters. I'm sorry for your loss. 💐

I'm sorry for your loss. I think you may be in shock, and it will take while for the reality and finality of your loss to kick in. When I lost my mother I didn't cry and thought that there must be something wrong with me. The tears came in their own time and I cried regularly for months after. There is so much to do (funeral planning, executry) that can keep you occupied and prevent you from feeling the enormity of your grief. This may also not come for sometime and may never come, it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you loved your mum any less.

It is such a deep loss you are in shock.

It is a stage of grief. At the moment you know she is free from pain.
You must have a lot on, the funeral to come.
It Is ok to feel this way, your feelings will change from time to time.
Please look after yourself.