@Whatasadtime
Oh my heart goes out to you. My late husband was diagnosed with a low grade"benign" (haha😢) brain tumour (Astrocytoma grade2) in 1999
He had radiotherapy then further stereotactic radiotherapy then chemo.
He was great for a few years but gradually memory started to go and subsequently he had a bleed into the central part of his brain probably due to the long term effects of the radiotherapy. He couldn't walk or care for himself at this stage.
He was discharged home for care from the hospice with " we don't know how long this will go on for"
"Fortunately" it was only 3 weeks because I don't know if I could have coped.
I think I too would have moved him to a NH if things had gone on. My daughter was nearly/19 and away from home and son nearly 17 and just about to sit his highers and all of a sudden we had hoists and hospital beds and carers in. Very disruptive.
It sounds as if your husband has a lot of damage due to the tumour+/- treatment. The loss of the person he was is so very very hard. I went from being a wife to being a carer. Even in the 5 years before he died when his memory started to go it was so hard. My children did struggle especially my son with the loss of a proper father figure.
Be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself about how often you visit or what you say. You are already grieving and strangely it meant that although I was heartbroken when he died I was relieved too.
It saddens me that treatments for brain tumours have really not advanced in the 12 years since I lost my husband and I think it is such a cruel illness and many years of quality life are lost. My husband was 38 at diagnosis and was a lawyer at the top of his field when he became unwell. He stopped work at 41 and died 6 months after his 50th birthday and 100 days before our silver wedding anniversary.
It is a cruel horrible disease and I am sending a hug just to say I understand where you are.
12 years on I have done well and come to peace with things. I had a good career so threw myself into that and I have re-married. My children are 31 and 28 now and have had a lot of counselling. It's hard losing a parent in your teens. They are ok now but my husband has missed so much of their successes.
Look after yourself and treat yourself to some good times. You deserve it.
My apologies for rambling.