My FIL has alzheimers, now at the moderate stage, where Aricept no longer helps. My MIL has manic depression. FIL used to be the main carer for MIL, but no has no insight into the fact that she is ill. Recently MIL went into hospital (tonsillitis made her stop eating and drinking which affected her diabetes) and was there for 3 weeks. DH took FIL in to see MIL and he spent every visit falling asleep in the chair next to her, or saying "What's wrong then" every few minutes. We tried to encourage him to use the alcohol gel after visits, but he refused a few times, meaning that when MIL was discharged he had the noravirus from the hospital.
MIL went into respite care for 6 days, and was a totally different woman. I have not seen her that happy in 15 years. As the end of the week drew closer, she tentatively asked when she would be going home, but retreated back into herself when she found out.
On arrival back home, MIL took to her bed, and FIL spent every hour of every day shouting at her to "get up" and "sort my washing out" along with "whats wrong with you ?" and "I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO YOU".
We have carers visiting 3 times a day for med calls, to prompt food and drink etc, but they were unable to get her to respond.
We have 5 children between us, aged 18 to 5 months. I have inflammatory arthritis, and my husband is my carer on those days I am not doing too well. I do not drive.
We have the "support" of s serv, but we seem to do their jobs for them most of the time, CPN's seem to fall for the acts that both can put on in the presence of "healthcare professionals".
After discovering MIL was bruised from FIL trying to drag her out of bed (she apparently spent the night on the floor, he "forgot" to tell us) she admitted FIL is not the man she married, and she wanted to go into care.
We are still expected to do her laundry (she is incontinent, so the care home think that seen as we visit we have lots of free resources).
On top of that, we have all the stresses of a baby that's about to wean and teeth, a 16 yr old that wants to lose her virginity, me doing an OU degree from home (supposed to be finishing assignment now), my husband being a musician meaning he has gigs and rehearsals to go to, an 18yr old that just split with her long term bf, an 11 year old with ADD that we are trying to get into the high school that will be best for his needs, and an 8 year old with Aspergers.
AIBU to want to scream? Do I sacrifice the only thing that is just mine (the degree) in order to try and spread myself around more? Is it wrong to not have a priority list, to think everything is equally important? Should I be feeling so guilty that MIL is in a home, even though shes happier there?