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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

Help with moving elderly grandparent

2 replies

Canyoudigityesyoucan · 09/03/2024 19:38

My grandparent lives over 5 hours from me. My parent (their child) died 12 years ago. They are 92.

GP has multiple health issues and has been in and out of hospital. Their spouse (my step GP) has had similar health issues but is overall much healthier and mobile, has been unofficially helping to care for GP. Carers come in x 4 times a day.

It now transpires my step GP has been disappearing over weekends to see someone else. I believe they’re having an affair with someone else and for them, the marriage with my GP is dead. They do not care for my GP and are very dismissive and rude to them. They argue and bicker and it’s clear their relationship is dead.

My GP will not admit to this. I will call over a weekend and find out the step GP has left my GP alone with minimal care visits and asked their also elderly neighbours to look in on them. It’s causing resentment in their local community and I feel horrendously guilty I cannot be there to help. I work FT and would not be able to visit each weekend.

I want to suggest moving my GP into a care home nearer me (10 mins walk) and closer to my siblings. They cannot afford private care and their bungalow has had equity release done a number of times.

Does anyone know how I even begin to discuss with social services moving them? I believe they’re at risk of serious neglect if I leave them: I don’t even know where to begin with the money side and discussion of separation or divorce. I just cannot deal with anymore calls from neighbours who have been relied on when my step GP has done another disappearing act over the weekend. I know it’s crazy to even think they’re having an affair but this is their third marriage so I believe it’s possible.

any help much appreciated

OP posts:
Propertylover · 09/03/2024 20:39

You’re going to be working with two Councils so start with your local council. Check the website and they should have information on what they offer and the financial assessment. Once you have an understanding call them and ask what is and isn’t feasible.

The other place I suggest you contact is AgeUK.

The biggest issues you are likely to face is whether your GP is competent to make decisions and if so do they want to move into a home near you. Secondly financial as you will need to separate out what your GPs financial position is.

nervousskier24 · 09/03/2024 20:48

If they are at risk of neglect I would raise a safeguarding concern. Go onto their county council website and look for the details of social care. Details of how to report safeguarding will be on there. Make your email as factual as possible.

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