How Can I Help My Grandmother?

[IAmMeThisIsI]

Hello all. I'm sorry if I'm not posting in the correct place etc, but I'm really worried and Google is a maze of information about this. I'm hoping somebody who has some knowledge can help me. (Wales, if it makes a difference).

My grandmother is 90. She's had two heart attacks recently and is now back in hospital with other heart related issues. She is expected to be going home sooner or later.

My cousin currently helps her everyday. Cousin (I'll call Sandra from here on) is brilliant but she's utterly knackered and is young. She has a young daughter and a DP at home also. The care began after the first two heart attacks.

If this helps, I'll give a quick rundown of my grandmother's needs and what Sandra is currently doing (mornings only, that'll become very important later in my post):

Cleans up the house

Bed baths and gives all medicines.

Makes all meals for the day, putting the evening meals within reach for supper etc.

Goes shopping for grandmother.

Basically anything and everything my grandmother needs, from applying creams to sores right through to getting photographs printed (don't ask lol).

Anyway, now my question. My grandmother is, as I said, going back home from hospital eventually and Sandra will have to start up with this care again.

However, Sandra cannot do evenings and my grandmother is asking for this from other family members who have various and valid reasons for being unable to do so.

Is there any NHS caregiver she is going to be able to get access to who can at the very LEAST do the evenings? Ideally, my grandmother needs a proper carer for the mornings too as Sandra is young (30) and is getting a bit burned out. Understandably.

What care at home would be available in my kind of situation?

Social Services should organise a ‘care package’.

This is the care she needs funded.

They will do meds, personal care and prepare meals.

She may get an allowance for a cleaner.

Family will need to do shopping and laundry.

They won’t allow her home until a care package is in place.

Your cousin needs to tell them she can’t continue the current arrangement.

Check out the Aged UK website - very good source of information.
Check that your Gran is receiving all the benefits she's entitled to - carer's allowance, mobility allowance (although there are age restrictions on this and I can't remember them - Aged UK website has loads of info on this area).

Sandra needs to let the hospital know exactly what she is prepared to do - and I strongly suggest she says that it will be a lot less then she currently is providing. She has a young family and this situation could go on for years. If the hospital insist on discharge your Gran before a care package is ready to go, Sandra needs to let hospital, GP etc that she is unavailable.

It's horrible though - Sandra will feel guilty and will probably be made to feel guiltier. Alternatively the hospital may use early discharge as a way to get your Gran into a care home.

You need to be firm with Sandra on this, and she needs to learn to say No and to learn this fast. Someone also needs to have a firm, frank chat with your Gran about her expectations of her family and what they can and can't do.

The type of care your Gran needs is usually provided by Social Services in England - not sure of the set up in Wales. The max she would get is 4 short visits during the day, to get her up, wash, dress, make simple meals, supervise medication, and then get ready for bed (often very early). There would be no over night cover.

If she can afford it, your gran could pay for late evenings / overnight visits.

It is time (long overdue by the sound of it) for Sandra to stand firm, with family support and to bring in social services.

Me again - it's important Sandra / you / family let the hospital know what they / you exactly can provide (eg washing and shopping). It may well be that Gran is saying My granddaughter will do everything

The elderly parents section is really good. Does Sandra want to/is able to continue with this leave of support?

Someone in the family needs to speak to the hospital and raise concerns and ask for a care assessment to be completed. When hospitals suddenly decided they want someone out they do it quickly and not always with the right support in place.

Thanks every single one for your replies. You've been a big help. It ended up that they told her she would have to pay around £70 a day for at home help! She cannot afford this. Right now, the family is helping her daily.