Dad has cancer

[Leo45]

Hi everyone looking for some advice here as my head is all over the place.
my dad has cancer of oesophagous, lungs and liver and in January after failed chemo was told has a month left and life expectancy very short and will deteriorate quickly. In the mean time he has had good and bad days, bad days due to being very short of breath, vomiting and coughing and no energy. However the past week he has been great thankfully and no breathing concerns. I am an only child and I do the caring for my dad as he lives alone and ultimately all the desicions or responsibilities are down to me. 

my main concern or reason for this post as I feel worried or uncertain what's the best thing to do in this case with my work. I have been off for a month now and my doctor gave me another month line. But have a long term sickness meeting at my work soon. I know things can change suddenly but as my dad has been really well this past week I feel like a fraud being off my work. And at the back of my head I'm thinking what if they have got it wrong and it's way longer time he has, I hope it is but am I being silly thinking this? And in the back of my head I'm feeling guilty and thinking at the other side I won't be able to take any time off. 

my dad isn't accepting any help from district nurses or macmillan so I'm the only one going in to see him in which I am there every day but u also have this feeling of fear that I am going to find him. 

im just looking for some advice, if anyone else has had similar worries or am I silly for thinking these. My minds all over the place right now. Also I'm a single parent to two boys and it's a lot right now physically and mentally but due to the email I received from work looks like I will be receiving half pay now which is adding more stress.

I'd say enjoy as much time with your father as your situation currently allows (both in terms of time, financial resources etc).

He may live a month or two longer, or seem fine just now, although from what you describe and as someone with a professional understanding of these things, he definitely does have terminal cancer (sorry to have to put it like this). I would try and enjoy the time you have, in the knowledge that this will likely not be more than six months even if he's defied expectations so far.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You do need to be sensible about how to get through the next phase. With all the knowledge possible the medical experts can still only make best guesses as to how much time someone has left unless they're literally in the last few hours. If your dad has a stubborn will to live he can exceed the expectations placed on his life by months, not just weeks.

Hand in hand with this is the fact caring for him is going to get more difficult. It's all well and good him refusing to allow external care support, but he's being very selfish about this - so you need to push back with some selfish too and be clear that you cannot do this without extra help so now whilst he's in a good place is the best time to decide on what he wants. This includes whether he wants to be in a hospice for his last days so that you're only responsible for keeping him company rather than being his nurse and taking care of his personal needs. Remind him that you have his grandsons to take care of on top of everything else.

Please check the Carers UK website. That has really helpful information about what support you're entitled to, and where to turn for extra help. It's also got information on your rights at work. Also speak with Macmillan about what support they can offer you. Maggie's are also an excellent charity that help families affected by cancer.

Wishing you all the strength you need to get through this