Is it a common arrangement for an elderly parent to leave all their estate to one of their children in return for a commitment to keep them out of a home and care for them?

[MGMidget]

I’m curious because my father seems to have made this arrangement with my DB but didnt tell me. My DB then obtained sole power of attorney and had DF diagnosed with dementia. The arrangement might have been fine if DB had gladly taken on the care but he and his SIL spent the next few years trying to pressurise me into taking on more and more of the care. Some of my conversations with my DF make more sense now such as querying why I was doing certain things for him when DB was “supposed to be doing it”.

I am wondering if this is what many elderly people arrange now with their children or one of their children?

Not in my family. Though only one of the siblings has POA.

You can't just have someone diagnosed with dementia. Either he has it or he doesn't. There are tests. I work in this area.

PoA doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with his will.

What do you mean by your DB ‘had DF diagnosed with dementia’?. Do you not think he’s ill?

My grandmother did this. We live at quite a distance and I feel she was very vulnerable but it would have been impossible to prove. I feel very sorry for her final years, she was probably pretending for a long time that everything was fine and being exploited when she could have been more comfortable.

It's the set up we have as my inlaws are physically and emotionally far closer to my sil than us.

Never heard of this and I think it could be easily abused and be unfair to the other siblings.

My dad didn't receive any inheritance and instead it was given to my Aunt on arrangement that she cared for them. When both of their parents died (in very quick succession of each other) it transpired that Aunt had been fleecing money out of them for years and had left them penniless, hardly able to put food on the table. Dad was devastated, he hadn't had any idea as they'd kept it quiet - and Dad lived a fair distance away so didn't see much of their normal day to day life - and would have stepped in if he'd known what was going on. It's safe to say we have no contact with any of that side of the family now

How come you weren't involved with POA?

Financial abuse of the elderly by loved ones upon whom the elderly person is in some way reliant (sometimes emotionally rather than for any actual care or physical help) is sadly very common, if that's what you're asking.

It is fairly easy for a relative to financially exploit an elderly person's fear of being lonely/ isolated/ cared for by stangers if they're that way inclined.

He was assessed as having dementia at some point with DB involved at this stage in visits etc. He got social services involved in providing care visits to the home but they queried the dementia diagnosis. I am not convinced he had it. He seemed pretty sharp to me. He developed other ailments along the way though including cancer and was on oromorph so he ended up chairbound. I felt he was sadly very lonely as living on his own with quick in and out visits from carers to give him his meds and a basic (poorly cooked, unimaginative, unappetising meal). I lived further away and couldn't be there much of the time. He spent an awful lot of time on his own in a chair often watching a rolling set of adverts on a TV channel he wasn't subscribed to as that is what the carers turned on for him and he didn't know where the remote was! Awful really! DB did visit him more often than me but I don't think he imagined this was how it was going to be when he prepared a will giving all his estate to DB! DB has mentioned to me around that time that he had been discussing with DF how he could keep him out of a home and enable him to live in his own home. I think he would have had more social stimulation in a home but clearly there would not have been an inheritance for DB!