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Carers

Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

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Original poster

Altzeimers - need help for a friend?

17 replies

Katymac · 30/07/2007 12:48

Her dad is obviously confused - he is becoming violent towards her & her children.

They live in her dad's house (with her furniture & stuff)

The Dr has said he is fine and anyway it is her dad's house and she should move out.

Who should she approach?

I suggested Age Concern/CAB/Solicitor - but whne my nana got like this the GP was very helpful & beleived us not the (very good) show that nana put on.

My friend doesn't know where to go as the GP has said that the "confusion" is perfectly normal & to be expected with age

OP posts:

LadyMacbeth · 30/07/2007 12:52

Can she not consult a more sympathetic doctor that knows what he/she is on about? Did the Dr. really say she should move out of her father's house?

Alzheimer's should be taken very seriously as it is devastating for both the victim and the family. Confusion to a certain degree is normal as you age but violence is not. This certainly sounds typical of an alzheimer's sufferer.

My mil has it, it's dreadful

Original poster

Katymac · 30/07/2007 12:54

There are 2 dr's at the surery and they are both a bit dismissive

It's so sad - if her dad hurts her child, she will be blamed for doing nothing

Can she report him to SS?

OP posts:

fairyjay · 30/07/2007 12:57

A friend of my mum's has it, at it puts huge pressure on everyone around.

Unfortunately those few people who see her irregularly, and for five minutes at a time, think she is fine, and just needs a bit of help.

For those who are on the end of the phone, it is a nightmare!

You'd think that a gp would know the problems.

Original poster

Katymac · 30/07/2007 13:00

I feel such a prat last week I said "Just go & see the GP - they will take action & sort it all out"

I said that because our GP did exactly that.

This GP didn't - so who should she see next?

OP posts:

auntyspan · 30/07/2007 13:05

Did your friend tell the GP about the violence? This is NOT part of the usual "dementia with age". My dad has Alzheimers and it's often the first symptom that is noticed as unusual.

She can't do anything unless her dad gets referred - and that needs to be done by a GP. Can she try another one?

Have a look here and see if there's a branch of the Alzheimers Society nearby I suggest you give them a ring?

HTH x

SpacePuppy · 30/07/2007 13:09

We had to get mil tested by a psychiatrist to see how far gone she was before any old age home would take her. GP's can't really diagnose Altzheimers, also if it's possible let them do a cholesterol check, sometimes this can lead to dementia and altzheimers in late life. good luck.

We finally decided to move her when she became aggressive and argumentative with my niece and nephew (then only 7 and 9)

Tommy · 30/07/2007 13:11

was going to say about the Alzheimers Society. They are very helpful.

My Dad has it and threatened my Mum last week (he had never done it before). wonder if your friend's GP would have suggested my mum should just leave him

Is it definitley Alzheimers that he has?

Original poster

Katymac · 30/07/2007 13:17

He's confused about when & if he eats
He doesn't have any concept of it being Summer
He gets agitated when visitors come in the house
He doesn't remember his grandchildren (sometimes)
He is becoming randomly agressive

I thought it was obvious - but he did put on a good show for the Dr

OP posts:

auntyspan · 30/07/2007 13:27

Well they're all classic signs KatyMac - he needs to be properly assessed. I get your friend to push for another GP visit and spell it out to him / her.

Original poster

Katymac · 30/07/2007 13:30

I thought that - My nana is in an EMI bed now - she got really dangerous - we were very scared

OP posts:

flossie64 · 30/07/2007 13:36

My Mum had Alzheimers and she always put on a good show for the doctor, he was sympathetic though and put that down to the fact he had been her doctor for 30yrs and she could recognise him. Asked to be refered to the CPN ( community physiatric nurse) they gave my dad a lot of support with her care.
If those doctors won't do anything change your practice , you need action sooner rather than later.

moominsmummy · 30/07/2007 13:41

we were almost in a similar situation - they will act if it is a child protection issue - ring social services

eleusis · 30/07/2007 13:48

Oh, Katymac, I am sorry. Alzheimers is terrible. Usually the victim does not accept there is anything wrong with him/her. And they are often paranoid. My grandmother dies of alzheimers, as did every one of her syblings who lived long enough to get it. She was one of 10 children.

Anyway, there must be somewhere she can turn. I would demand a second opinion. Maybe she could find a na alzheimers organisation on the web who could help point her to a better doctor.

My grandmother was quite wealthy, and so my aunt hired nurses to come in and live with her. But, she didn't know who they were and didn't want them in her house, so she used to lock them out. Which on the surface was like a Good Faoulty Towers monent, but really from her perspective was very hard and very sad. You also have to take safety precautions for their own good. My granmother had an indoor swimming pool in her house, and we had to lock the door for fear she would wonder in and fall in.

Your friend needs more than mumsnet can offer on this one. She definately needs a doctor who is willing and able to help.

Original poster

Katymac · 31/07/2007 16:30

I suggested she contact

Age Concern
CAB
Community Psychiatric Nurse (if she can find one)
Altzeimers society

& if she got nowhere to contact SS as her daughter is being hurt

But The GP suggested that my friend should move out - as her fathers behaviour upset her???????

Very odd reaction imo

OP posts:

eleusis · 31/07/2007 16:43

GP is a twat. I would leave that practice.

Point her here: www.alzheimers.org.uk/

They have a helpline listed on the front page.

In my honest opinion, the GP is being negligent. Something terrible could happen as a result of his aloof behaviour.

eleusis · 31/07/2007 16:44

HAve you ever seen the movie Iris? It's really good. I watched it not long ago and I thought they really portrayed some of the difficulties of Alzheimers very well. But, it is also very sad.

Original poster

Katymac · 01/08/2007 07:42

No - but I saw the one Dad - about voilence towards old people & I understood the emotions in that very clearly.

The person I go to visit in the EMI home each week isn't MY nana - it's a strange little old lady living in her body.

I think she is sedated as she no longer threatens any of us and realistically 'Nana' isn't there

I feel so sorry for my friend - how can the GP not support her

OP posts:

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