go to your room!

[fostermum]

hi all still looking after my sick and elderly parents, ive been told if i want to go out with out there permission i can move and live else where!im 47 when am i allowed a life????????

How difficult this must be for you. Do you have any support coming in - paid carers? Sitters or respite breaks so you can have some me time? Is there a carers centre near you that can offer advice and support? If you need any info this is an area I work in so give me a shout - can point you in the right direction. You need your space too.

Eve

How about calling their bluff? As you are looking after them what would they do if you left? I don't think they've thought this through.

Who are you fostermum to though?

lol im not fostermum to either of them im there daughter, i used to foster teens for a job,we have a nurse to get dad on cammode in mornings but thats all,even they say that i shouldnt get spoken to like i do,theres no carers meeting places near chichester,and if there was they wouldnt let me go,or make life hell if i did,

Please please don't let this go on. there are 1000's of unpaid carers like you who save the Gov Millions a year. You have to look after yourself otherwise your parents will end up in a home. You are entitled to a carers assessment and your parents have to listen to you. Contact adult services and tell them you are ready to walk out and leave them to go in a home if they don't come and do something. Are they just worried about being on there own - you could have a sitter stay with them whilst you are out. Or are they just being controlling?

Let us know how it goes - keep in touch.

www.carersliaison.org.uk/index.htm

Try this web site

i think its a case of its our house so you will do what your told to be honest its my dad mostly but he treats my mum the same way,he used to be such a loverly dad untill he became bed ridden,i would even go as saying he was my best friend,and i know he frustrated not being able to do anything any more,its just the more i try to please him the more nasty he gets,he even sent my mum to her room yesterday,because she and i where watching a film and he didnt want to watch it so he sent us both to our rooms loli feel 5yrs old!i have no way of getting a place of my own and hopefully the council will let me stay here when they pass on as im disabled too,and this is an adapted bungelow for the disabled but not if i leave here so i have to grin and bare it

You need someone else to get invovled - I understand your dad's frustration - how difficult it must be to no longer have the body to do the things your mind wants to - but there are people out there who canhelp. Do you have any family or friends who could spend half an hour with him instead of you?

Hi fostermum. You could try requesting a GP visit. Explain to the receptionist what the problem is. Often a GP will contact Social Services themselves when they are aware of a situation like this. I often find that older people have respect for doctors and will take their advice more willingly than from a family member. Hope this helps.

the g.p has tried to speak to him several times,and has even arranged for the social services to come out and see us, but all the time my parent refuse thier help(in no uncertain terms)they say there is nothing they can do to help me, mum with her alzimers panics and gets unmanagable if anyone new comes to the house, you see ive looked after her since i was 5,when she was diagnossed as being a manic depressive, so sending some one in makes her worse and dad refuses to have anyone in the house

You are entitled to support too. Even if they won't except it. You can go to carers groups just to sound off and be supportive. Would they let you go if you had a mobile and could be contacted.?