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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help


Giving up work to care for family member, advice on what to tell employer?

2 replies

herewegoagain18 · 10/04/2018 00:34

I have been considering leaving my current job for a few months now.

There are many reasons, the main one being that I have decided to become a carer for a family member. Currently another family member is their carer but suffering health issues (including mental health) and it is becoming too much for them to manage to care for my family member. Family member in need of care is also getting worse and we are trying to get a official diagnosis of dementia.

I feel with trying to take over these duties with my current employer it won't be possible and/ or too stressful. It's split hours (think along the lines of healthcare role) so it's all quite erratic.

I also don't feel it's suitable now with commuting to and from shifts. I had planned to move into the area of work making it easier to travel (not driving) but this is no longer an option .

The rota constantly changes, this is (mostly) due to colleagues calling in sick or not turning up for shifts (!) . Many have left.
The managing of office is very disorganised which is where most of the other colleagues issues or griviences lie.

I also do not feel the company are very understanding or supportive of their staff.
I lost a close family member suddenly last year and found out on what was my scheduled day off. I was given the day following off and then expected back to work as normal.

I was not ready to return to work, suffered with terrible anxiety and stress on top of grief. I completed the remainder of that week then was signed off as couldn't cope.

As an aside due to death of family member it has caused a lot of issues with a family member we have been no contact with , now trying to get back in contact and into the place we are living. We do not want contact due to previous violence /aggression bullying and causing gbh to family member in the house.

I feel constantly anxious leaving the house to go out to work .My family members are both vulnerable and I want to protect them.

We are on the list to move and if a move comes up may need to move very quickly maybe within a week or two of viewing property . This will be out of the area. So will be another problem if I then at that point hand in notice. It's 4 weeks notice for employer. I will struggle to complete my notice having to travel from new area to current work area .

What I plan to do is take over as carer to family member to help them with needs for a short while to see how much time is actually needed to set aside each day and soley focus on that.
Also within that time hopefully a move will come up . so can move to another address and Make adaptions for them.

Then apply to go back to work again for something that could fit around care needs.

I know I will take a financial hit giving up work but will manage. am living with family so no major financial commitments and no children to support.
But can have freedom to commit the hours to care for and support family member.

I was planning to apply for application for carers allowance and think on things for this week.

Now have been told I am needed for a imminent meeting. This will be a discussion regarding work hours .

I am thinking as I was planning to hand in notice very soon to tell them at the meeting. As if im there discussing hours and workload and say nothing, as if all is fine then in say a week's time put in notice I think it will look odd that nothing was mentioned in meeting .

It's how to word this ? I want to tell them as little as possible. Stuck though as feel I sort of have to explain with no other role to go to. Also I know the manager I'm meeting with is not the easiest to talk to and very abrupt even quite obtuse.

I also feel they will try to get me to change my mind. I feel on one hand to put off saying anything till i have it clear in my head how im going to approach it and have resignation typed up. then on the other hand to tell them tommrow and in notice asap to eliminate them putting pressure on to stay.

I was thinking to put in notice now then mention about staying on longer than 4 weeks if possible to soften the blow. Then again might be a mistake to do that .

Any word of advice really appreciated on the best way to word this .


OP posts:
bastardkitty · 10/04/2018 00:42

Wow you really have a lot on your plate here. It sounds like you have made up your mind and it's time for you to go. I would aim to get in quickly at the start of the meeting and state that you've made a decision to give up work to become a carer for a family member. Practice the phrase 'I've made up my mind' or 'I'm comfortable with the decision I've made'. I agree they will probably try to persuade you, but don't engage in any negotiation. I've made my plans and I'm letting you know and giving my notice. It may help you to be clear if you physically hand over your resignation letter. Good luck.

herewegoagain18 · 10/04/2018 01:04

Hi Bastard kitty

Thankyou for your reply and helpful advice. That is a good idea about the phrasing will need to practice that. The manager I am seeing has a good way of maKing me feel nervous so need to get some good tactics in place.

Yes my mind is made up. I don't feel I can give as much to this job as before with everything i have going on. I have been there just under a year.

I didn't mention in post (tried keeping length minimised) I also have some minor health issues myself . I recently had some time off for some treatment which sadly does not seemed to have helped (this has just become apparent) and have not felt well with it. I don't imagine resignation will go down well in light of the above.

They were made aware of this condition on interview but are not very understanding regarding illness. Just one more thing to add to the strain.

Thanks again

OP posts:
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