MIL and car seat problems

[Maisey1991]

Currently pregnant and planning what we need to buy. MIL is very excited and we get on well, she will be helping with childcare. Only issue is that she has a 3 door car, and she’s pretty stiff in her back and shoulders due to menopause symptoms despite medication and physio. therefore she will struggle to get the baby out the back with her balance and stiffness.
I know we can have a car seat in the front with the air bags off but it’s not AS safe as in the back.
She isn’t in a position to buy a 5 door car. We’ve thought about swapping Cars on the days she is helping out but our cars are much bigger than hers (she’s a polo, we have a focus and kuga) and she’s not confident in driving bigger cars. It’s just so she has the freedom to go to the parks or anywhere she wants to go with the baby on the days she has them.
Anyone else having to use the front seats with the airbags off or recommend any other suggestions? Am I worrying too much about the car seat being in the front 😂?

I’d ask her not to drive the baby anywhere. A car seat in a 3 door car is absolutely fine but not if the adult has mobility issues. I wouldn’t want the car seat being in the front.

As a grandmother I would be putting gc safety first and walk.

Unless she wants to practice driving your car, I think the best answer is that she doesn't drive with the baby. It's lovely that she wants to help out, but I wouldn't have allowed anyone to drive with my babies in the front seat.

Is there much in walking distance that she could do? Or public transport?

Go to the Car Seat Advice U.K. Facebook page. They are very knowledgeable and helpful and will have lots of evidence based advice about which options are safer.

There is still a lot of bending down involved in installing a seat and lifting a baby in and out, are you sure she is going to be up to it! I know you don’t want to restrict her but is paying for a bus pass for her an option and working out the best routes and times for a couple of parks.

My only advice would be, don’t bother getting an all stage high back booster if baby is in the higher centiles as we ended up having to get an interim car seat between age 3 1/2 which we are still using atm (she is 4 1/2) so that DD could continue to rear face until the optimal age as she went over the weight limit for rear facing in our one that converts to a high back.

Also, look for a seat with side protection is possible.

She’s not got mobility issues per se however stretching into the back at an angle is likely to be difficult for her

The baby won’t care about parks for a while, walking outside will be enough. Perhaps you can instead set up her place with things like a small sand table so that she can skip the park on her days once you reach the toddler age.

I would weigh up the journey. So not a busy 40 mph road, but ok for 20 mph residential streets to get to a toddler group or park.

How many days is she having your child

I’m in the car seat safety group and they recommend the seat going in the front (rear facing with air bags off) a lot so I can’t imagine them suggesting it if it is not as safe! Maybe check this before worrying as I’m sure the front seat will be fine.

It's safe to travel in the front seat of a car. Most people do sit in the front.

As long as the airbag is turned off a car seat in the front is fine. It will still involve some bending and stretching though so I'd that's a difficulty then keeping local and walking with baby in a buggy is best. Putting a baby in a buggy though also obviously involves a bit of bending, back stretching etc. In fact most baby related things needed a reasonable amount of mobility.

I used to sit in the back seat next to the car seat to put them in and out, so didn't need to stretch too much - I'm under 5 feet tall so didn't have the arm length.

Also have you considered that a seat that swivels may help? As again that will reduce stretching at funny angles.

Id also say that a baby in back crying and distressed can be very distracting if I was doing any journeys over about 20 mins I'd put in front but my car didn't have isofix so that may have affected my thought process

I don't see an issue with the car seat being in the front as long as it's rear facing and air bags are off. A 360 seat could help if she struggles to twist etc. does she have isofix points?

Is she likely to be needing to drive the baby anywhere in the near future? How long maternity leave will you be taking and what childcare will she be doing after that? Is there anywhere local she can take the baby? Parks, walks etc? I don’t know many people at all who have grandparents regularly drive their children anywhere so it may end up not being an issue at all. She might have a new car anyway by the time she needs or wants to drive them anywhere.

I think while baby is a baby, she stays close to home, where she can access by walks and public transport. Surely, you’ll be on mat leave so we’re talking when baby is 9-12 months anyway as you probably won’t be leaving baby loads when small.

When they are bigger, look to get one of the seats that swivels, or you’ll have a toddler who can climb into the seat themselves. MIL can climb into the back seat to sort the buckle. Realistically, if she’s going to be doing lists of childcare for years to come, a new car really would be most sensible. Kids still need help with buckling in and sorting out until 5 or so and ideally they should be rear facing til then. It really does require good access. You can install the seat for her, but she’ll need to get dc in and out.

How old is she? Does she have arthritis or osteoporosis? Menopause doesn't really cause back stiffness on it's own, but not exercising and maintaining flexibility will. I'm 60 and do stretching exercises every day and see a personal trainer regularly to maintain weight training for strength and flexibility. Pilates, yoga and other gentle exercise classes are good too and many councils run free/cheap ones are council leisure centres.

She could do a lot to help herself - maybe this is the incentive she needs.

I would not let her drive with baby in front seat. If you have a garden she can still have fun outside with baby.

Until she’s sorted this issue she needs to take the baby on walks or play inside.

Surely best if she just walks with the baby? Is she going to look after the baby very early on then? Seems odd to be worrying about this now otherwise, you've got loads of time if you have a year maternity leave. my MIL only walks with our daughter, so much easier.

She will be able to do those things as she does them now with shopping etc the dog etc, it’s more the over extension into the small area into the back of her car that will be the problem, thanks x

She’s 58, she does do yoga aswell, but isn’t particularly nimble, we’ve just paid for a gym membership for her at a good gym with a swimming pool etc. she’s never been into strength training or running etc previously. She’s not got anything else diagnosed other than the ongoing shoulder / back problems that started with frozen shoulder when she hit a particularly rough menopause phase a few years back.

Car seat in the front is just as safe as the back, as long as it's rear facing AND the airbag is turned off. The idea that it's more dangerous in the front is more applicable to older children.

The main danger is the airbag. They can be really dangerous to children as they go off at the wrong height for them, and particularly for rear facing baby seats because the baby is so much further forward and closer to where the airbag inflates. Airbags inflate very fast with a lot of force, they essentially "punch" you in the chest to keep you in your seat and stop your body from moving too much with the impact forces, which is what causes serious injuries in car accidents. You'll be winded and bruised from an airbag inflation but your chest can handle that. OTOH for a child to sustain that impact to their head can be fatal.

The main problem with using a child seat in the front intermittently is whether the driver will remember to disable the airbag every single time, if it's a button type disable and if it's the type where you turn a switch with the car key then whether she will remember to turn it back on when she has an adult passenger. There are warnings on the passenger sun visor and on all rear facing car seats to remind of the danger of a RF car seat + airbag but I do think because we all see them every single day, most people are completely blind to this warning and tune it out.