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Original poster

Ds and car seats is a nightmare - can anyone help?

22 replies

Escapingchild · 27/12/2023 15:18

Mentioned this earlier but NCd and come on here.

DS is 3. From an early age he’s been able to get his arms out from the straps from the car seat meaning that it’s pretty useless. I bought this and a Houdini strap, he can still escape though Hmm

But in DHs car it’s actually really unsafe. I don’t know the brand as BIL gave it to DH but have attached a photo - ds is all over the place in it. Houdini strap makes no difference as ds just shoves it down and gets his arms out.

Can anyone recommend a safe car seat for a serial escapee, please?

Ds and car seats is a nightmare - can anyone help?
OP posts:
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SnowsFalling · 27/12/2023 15:32

I'm going to answer a different question....
Are the shoulder straps correctly positioned? If ours were too low, the kids could get free, but raising the straps (to just below or just above the kids shoulders - read your manual as to which) solved the problem.

Also, less clothes, and realy tight straps before adding a blanket if he's cold.

I'm sure some of this is teaching granny to suck eggs.

Otherwise you probably need to wait for BertieBotts to see this message.

Original poster
Escapingchild · 27/12/2023 15:36

I think I’ll pay Halfords a visit as I think they are but I am so far from an expert. It’s just really stressing me out because it would honestly be safer for him not to be in a car seat at all than in the one I’ve attached the photo of.

OP posts:
Therollinghills · 27/12/2023 15:40

My 3 year old is exactly the same, she went through a stage of taking her arms out when I was driving, it was beyond stressful. I also got a Houdini strap which she just undid! She's actually stopped taking her arms out whilst driving but it's taken a long time of bribes, not going to nice places if she does it etc for it to sink in. Mainly it's been drilling into her how dangerous it is and finally it seems to have sunk in. Can't say I've found a physical solution to it unfortunately!

caggie2 · 27/12/2023 15:44

We had this problem when DS was a young toddler but at three they should really be able to listen when you say no, it's not safe. We used to spend a lot of time pulled over saying "we can't drive again until you're safely in your seat" and he'd put his arms back in after a stand off but he grew out of that and listens now, if I ever unbuckle my seatbelt to grab something or take my jumper off he tells his dad to pull over as mummy isn't safe 😂

caggie2 · 27/12/2023 15:45

Perhaps you need to be firmer and it will nip the behaviour in the bud as it isn't a case of not understanding what no means at that age. It was really frustrating but we did pull over every single time and didn't drive on until he was sitting safely. He caught on pretty quick.

caggie2 · 27/12/2023 15:46

(Not judging! 3 year olds can be dicks Grin)

craigth162 · 27/12/2023 15:49

Do they still do the car seats that have a sort of cushion front not straps?

Original poster
Escapingchild · 27/12/2023 15:50

Thanks @Therollinghills

@caggie2 i know you aren’t judging but I also don’t think you’re being massively practical - you can’t always safely pull over and besides, for some children that actually feeds into the attention they want. Ds would see that as a brilliantly fun game.

OP posts:
craigth162 · 27/12/2023 15:52

This maybe?

Ds and car seats is a nightmare - can anyone help?
ChalknCheeseplants · 27/12/2023 15:54

I think at 3 you should be able to tell them it isn't a fun game and that they aren't safe and they should be able to listen to that, in fairness. Assuming no SN, 3 year olds are capable of understanding right from wrong and yes from no. It might take a few weeks but make sure they know it is not a choice, it is something they have to do in order to be safe or they won't be going anywhere in a car again.

Original poster
Escapingchild · 27/12/2023 15:59

He doesn’t care @ChalknCheeseplants . maybe that’s sen, maybe it’s not very good parenting or maybe it’s both. But he does not care.

I can’t just keep stopping. And even if I did he wouldn’t care and would find it funny. And because of where we live I really do need to drive. So this is where we’re at. Thanks for that recommendation, @craigth162

OP posts:
staybyyou · 27/12/2023 16:12

Yeah I was going to suggest a seat similar to the above where they have a cushion across their front rather than straps

NeverMindIGuess · 27/12/2023 16:41

Please don't ask Halfords for car seat advice.

There's a Facebook page called Car Seat Safety (can't remember the full name) and there's the In Car Safety Centre who will speak to you online as well as offer a visit (depending where you live it might be too far)

Cybex car seats do a safety shield seat however if you join Which! It will give you the exact safety report on this as I think they were changed due to safety (but I could be wrong I brought mine 7 years ago now)

It's impractical to just be able to stop at any given moment, but are they just 3 or closer to 4? I'd have regular talks outside the car about why safety in a car is important, and just keep being consistent which is difficult whilst driving and not ideal. The times your driving somewhere he wants to go i.e a play area, then tell him at the start you will not go if he removes his straps. But only if you can follow through, if it's a journey you can't not do then you can't do this.

It's advised not to add additional clips etc. to car seats although it's mandatory in the US so also depends where you live.

This sounds tough OP and worrying for you whilst driving.

Original poster
Escapingchild · 27/12/2023 16:45

Just 3, but I definitely need something that will physically stop him. He wouldn’t listen to or respond to me.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 27/12/2023 20:49

I can't actually suggest anything people haven't said already.

The car seat in your DH's car looks like a Halford's own brand one but they are not usually trained in the own brand ones so will probably not be much use there.

You do def need to check strap height is correct, but a lot of children can escape even if they are totally fine. The right height is the slot closest to the top of his shoulders. If he is between two slots, go for slightly above.

You might want to try a brand like Britax where the straps and pads are a bit more substantial - the basic/cheaper seats are a bit (??) easier to escape perhaps but it probably won't make a lot of difference for a persistent escapee. I probably wouldn't spend out on one but maybe if a friend has one you can borrow? Joie Bold might be worth a try too, because it can be used up to 25kg (most 5 point harness seats are up to 18kg).

If the straps are at the right place and the houdini strap doesn't work, then the Cybex Pallas seats are a good option. They also convert to very good booster seats. If he's heavier than he's tall, then Cybex Pallas G is the best one whereas if he's taller than he's heavy, the older Pallas seats (not i-size) are probably better.

They even have a super duper brand new one with an airbag in it (Anoris) which is meant to make it extra safe, but that is expensive.

John Lewis and Mamas and Papas both stock Cybex seats and are very helpful, they will usually let you try the seat in store to see if it helps contain him.

BertieBotts · 27/12/2023 20:52

The safety on the impact shield seats is no worse overall than any other forward facing seat. They are better safety wise than a basic forward facing seat. They are 100% better than a seat where the child is unrestrained because they have got their arms out of the harness.

Rear facing is safer than impact shield, but impact shields aren't inherently unsafe. They are not quite as miraculous as they were first marketed as ~15 years ago (I bought into this and bought one for my DS1, I wouldn't put an 18mo in one now, but a persistent escapee for whom all other methods have failed - yes they are a very good option.)

DappledOliveGroves · 27/12/2023 20:55

I’d echo going on Car Seat Advice UK on Facebook and getting input from a specialist. Don’t bother with Halfords as they are far from specialist. A Be Safe belt collector might be worth a try but a fit check and other specialist input is needed first of all.

Ds and car seats is a nightmare - can anyone help?
Thereisplentyofroom · 27/12/2023 21:02

I’ve NC’d for this, as I’ll likely get mullered (plus it’s slightly outing), but when my 3 year old was escaping, I warned him multiple times that if he couldn’t stay in his seat safely, I’d have to leave him and drive off as it wasn’t safe…..

Anyway, he got his arms out one day, so I pulled over, took him out, put him on the pavement (it was safe!) and got back into the drivers seat and started the engine.

He hasn’t done it since…

cansu · 31/12/2023 15:13

Google sen car seat something like celling harness might do the trick. However I would also be giving consequences for this behaviour unless you believe he doesn't understand why this is not OK. Does he have sen? Most kids do eventually get that this is a non negotiable. If you start turning around and going home when the behaviour occurs he might start getting the hang of it.

Keiki · 31/12/2023 18:07

I would definitely try a different brand of seat. My children could escape from Maxi Cosi seats Britax, the way the shoulder straps were attached to the seats was different.

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