This is so dangerous - partly a rant but also looking for recommendations

[Sayhellotothemoon]

This post probably straddles relationships, parenting and here but I’ve gone for here.

Its mostly me who drives DS (nearly 3) around and that’s OK as I bought a Maxi Cosi toddler car seat although he can get his arms out of the straps so use one of those Houdini straps that clips across.

But in DHs car we have a different seat and I’ve been saying for ages it’s dangerous but look at this

DH is so laid back about it it’s almost making me feel I’m being ridiculous - I’m not, am I?

DS is 3 next month, what cars seats are best? DH doesn’t want to spend much money which I get but think this is something we do need to fork out on.

He obviously doesn't value his child's safety is he like this with all child care? Looks like the only reason his child is in a seat is so he's not breaking the law but to not even tighten straps or sit the child properly is so ridiculous and he'd be the same in any seat.
Houdini straps can invalidate insurance as child must be removable with one button in an accident tighten the straps and be firm with him.

No they don't invalidate insurance. They aren't usually approved by the manufacturers, but OTOH it's better to have a child restrained than unrestrained.

OP I think your headrest in your car seat is much too low. It is hard to tell from this photo, but it looks very low like in the position that it should be for a young baby. This will make the straps very loose and easy to slip out of, even if they are tightly fastened.

If you move the headrest up, and the straps if they move separately, then the straps will sit in the correct position on his shoulders. That doesn't make it totally impossible to escape, but it should make it much harder. Straps need to be about level with the child's shoulders. Slightly above is fine for forward facing.

If you are using an add on strap to secure him in your own seat, you need to ensure that your straps are at the right height as well, as what you don't want with these add on products is for them to mask a poor fit. The original harness must be able to do its job as designed.

Your DH is definitely wrong to be laid back about this though - apologies for the tough watch but this is what happens when you crash if a toddler has taken their arms out of the straps. The extra "seatbelt" thing across the front is a measuring device, and is not restraining the child. This seat is fitted properly according to the instructions except for the straps being off the shoulders.

That is really shocking OP.
The headrest is far too low, the child isn't placed correctly in the seat and the straps are wrongly adjusted and fitted.
The seat would probably be fine if all the above were fixed.

I know me or my husband would never compromise on quality or safety regarding our three year old regardless of price. He only ever gets the best car seat whenever one is needed. I’m not saying that because we’re loaded (we’re absolutely not) but everything else would come second. Absolutely no compromises with this one. Our son’s safety will always come first and I believe every parent should have the same attitude.

Your picture is appalling - your son’s safety is being compromised and both you and your partner are allowing this. To me, that’s criminal.

The video in the previous post is a crash test at 30mph.

MN doesn't do well with multiple videos in one post, apologies for the double post.

In terms of tightness, another tough watch - this is how the crash test looks when the seat is installed correctly but the straps (and I think possibly the seatbelt) are simply too loose. (Red seat). It is really important to tighten the straps correctly, and ensure that the seat is firmly fixed into the car.

It looks to me like the seat in your picture is a generic/basic one, which is fine, these days these are actually not bad, but the main problem with them is that they tend to have fewer "automatic" or failsafe safety features. So for example, it is probably seatbelt fitted whereas I am guessing your Maxi Cosi might be isofix and maybe top tether as well? And the Maxi Cosi might even have something like a green indicator to show when the harness is tight enough (some of them don't). Seatbelt fitting is fine, but it is more prone to user error.

What you could do today to make your husband's car seat safer is go in and take the seat out of the car, sit your son in it, adjust the straps up so they are just sitting on top of his shoulders and the headrest is surrounding his head with his shoulders underneath it. Remove any twists in the harness, if you need you can fold the harness in half sort of diagonally and then pass the buckle over the fold if it's become twisted in the buckle.

Then if you have the instruction booklet, if there is an online video or even just the sticker on the side of the seat, double check that the seatbelt is going through the correct belt path in the correct order. For forward facing, you'll have red seatbelt guides, with blue being for rear facing (to be ignored for forward facing). Route the belt in through the guides and plug it into the buckle. Now pull the diagonal part of the belt, checking that the lap belt stays flat and in the proper routing (if it bunches up as you tighten, this is normally OK). Now ensure that the diagonal part of the belt is going through the correct places through the seat shell, and when it's all the way through, put one of your knees into the seat and kneel your weight into it while pulling even more slack out of the seatbelt. Now close any clips which are built into the seat or which are included with the seat.

If you are going to purchase another anti-escape clip, the most recommended ones are generally Besafe Belt Collector or Five Point Plus. But try having the straps at the right height first, because ideally it's better to use the seat without any add ons if you can get a safe fit that way.

I'll do a separate post to recommend seats if you wanted to replace it. But if you happen to be here and replying in real time, would you mind giving your son's height, weight and age (including months)? That will help to make a better recommendation for the seat - but I'll give them anyway if you don't reply.

Actually having looked again at the top photo, the safety harness isn't actually attached into the seat is it? If this is the case then it needs to be totally rethreaded in properly, otherwise it doesn't matter whether you fasten them as they aren't doing anything anyway. And if it's broken and can't be reattached, then the seat needs to be thrown away.

If that's the case and he's been knowingly driving around like that, that's really shocking - he's been risking his life and also breaking the law.

I'm with others the head rest is far too low. Its in the middle of the kids back. That means the shoulder straps are attached at his waist level.

Take the seat out the car adjust it properly. Youtube if you don't have the original instructions. Then try it with the child in it.

Doesn't matter how much time or money you spend on a car seat if its not used properly then it's a waste of money, and not doing the job it was intended for.

@BertieBotts l'm sure its attached, just where the kids arm is. But the headrest and strap attachment has never been lifted up.

You can have the safest seat in the world but its useless if its not fitted properly and the child isn't secured properly.

You need to read the instruction manual on how to use the seat as first port of call

Your kid is not fitting in the seat as its adjusted for a newborn. Sorry but I can't believe can't see this.

I'm looking at the buckle, which seems to be backwards, sideways, without its plastic casing and nowhere near the part of the child seat that it is normally attached to - between the child's legs. And I can also see underneath/behind this, what looks like the yoke, which is the metal part that the straps are generally all threaded through at the back of the seat. This should never be at the front of the seat. I don't know what is going on with the straps here but it doesn't look right at all.

Sorry I said I would come back with seat recommendations in case it needs replacing.

Assuming he is about average size for his age and your DH's car has top tether points and isofix, the best option is likely Maxi Cosi Titan i-size. It has a good safety rating, it's easy to use and adjust, it's not too expensive (£165 at amazon) and it will last him a long time.

If you don't have the top tether point:

Recaro Tian Pro - a good option that will convert to high backed booster.

Maxi Cosi Tobifix - isofix Group 1 only seat
Maxi Cosi Axiss (not Axissfix) - belt fitted Group 1 only seat with belt tensioner.

Those two are a bit cheaper than the Recaro. They won't last as long, but they should last you another couple of years if your DC is average size or smaller.

If you're open to rear facing, that is the safest option and it's a lot more tolerant to incorrect usage (but you do need to have it set up correctly, not too loose etc.) The cheapest rear facing seat suitable for your son's age is Graco Extend R129. Or Graco Slimfit R129 is another good option as it can be converted to booster seat later on and recently got a reasonably good crash test score. The Extend only lasts up to 105cm (approx age 4.5).

Or a longer lasting rear facing seat - e.g. Axkid Move - this would probably be the safest possible option but it is quite expensive at £250, and if DH is not willing to do straps correctly then I'm guessing maybe not particularly convinced by rear facing.

If your son is taller than average or you want to continue harnessing for longer then you could look into an extended harness seat like Joie Bold. That needs top tether and isofix as well. If you don't need the capacity, I probably wouldn't suggest this as these aren't the most foolproof seats.

Lastly one complete wild card - but you could look into an impact shield seat like the Cybex Pallas seats - this would solve the problem of son getting arms out, because it uses a totally different harness system, and they are very easy to use with just threading the seatbelt through the shield on the front rather than having to adjust a harness, tighten it etc. They also have good safety ratings compared with a basic forward facing seat, though they aren't as safe as a rear facing seat and probably are a bit less safe than the best rated 5-point-harness seats used properly.