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How do you talk someone into a different car seat? Or do you not bother?

16 replies

cocacola1006 · 09/01/2016 14:17

How do you talk to someone about maybe picking a different seat? Or making different decisions generally without causing offence?
And to make things harder I have no children yet- so I'm sure some will say how do you know if you don't have children! Some things I think that's true- ie my nieces weren't breastfed because my sister in law thinks it's gross. Granted I disagree and all I could say was its natural but there was no chance she'd change her mind so I left it and it's never been mentioned again- I just feel a little bad for my nieces that she never tried/considered it.
Anyway that's besides the point (just trying to give a little back story that I'm not crazy)
So I have two nieces both under two who are the best little girls I know. But the youngest is just 9 months and 9kg in the last week. My SIL has her new ff car seat ready for immediate changeover. And I can't help but worry for my niece being in it so young.
How do you talk to her? Or do you just not bother and stay out of it?
I want to tell her RF is safer and that the new suggestions are 15 months but 4 yrs is better. That it's safer. But in person or by message I think I'll be ignored. Plus she's now got the new seat so maybe I missed my chance already.
I don't know what I'm saying really. Just wondered if anyone had a nice thing to say/send that might make a difference. Or if you think I should leave it be?

OP posts:
YouBastardSockBalls · 09/01/2016 14:19

You don't. It's none of your business.

The only thing you could do is mention about the new law, but that's it. Stay out of it.

NerrSnerr · 09/01/2016 14:26

I don't think you can. We have just moved our daughter forward facing at 16 months and we were the last ones in our friendship group to do it, everyone else did it at 8-10 months or there abouts.

Interestingly we went to Mothercare when she was about 11 months and they said she was too young and wouldn't sell us a forward facing seat but this didn't happen to anyone else we know.

StylishDuck · 09/01/2016 14:31

Nerr the same thing happened to us at Mothercare. They said that because DD's head was still a good way off the top of her infant seat we didn't need to get a new one yet. It actually gave me a lot of confidence in them given that we could easily have spent a few hundred pounds on a new seat that day.

OP, I think PPs have it right unfortunately. It's none of your business. I know where you're coming from though. My SIL has made some choices for my DN that I don't agree with at all as a parent and it's difficult to keep silent. You have to though.

SisterMoonshine · 09/01/2016 14:36

You're right though, I do wonder how you know so much about group 1 car seats etc I never knew so much about weights and advice etc before having DC.

RudeElf · 09/01/2016 14:36

I thought the law had now changed to 15 months for forward facing?

dementedpixie · 09/01/2016 14:38

The new regulations only applies to new I-size-seats car seats and the old regulations will run alongside them for a few years to come.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/01/2016 14:49

Your neices have two parents OP. Speak to your brother and leave his wife alone.

cocacola1006 · 09/01/2016 14:55

It's my husbands sister. And he doesn't get on with her very well so doesn't talk to her other than pleasantries when their parents are there.
I know because I know other people with children too.
I'll leave it alone. Thanks for the help.

OP posts:
TheBestChocolateIsFree · 09/01/2016 14:57

I agree that a) they'd be better off staying RF and b) you should speak to your brother not your SIL. But assuming you're in the UK, at the end of the day the chances of the child actually coming to any harm due to this less safe choice are tiny, real, but tiny, so if you can't change his mind then forget it and move on.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 09/01/2016 14:59

Oh xpost about the family. In that case unless you have some kind of professional standing like being a Which researcher to back you up then I think there's little to be done.

SpendSpendSpend · 09/01/2016 15:16

This is very very common were children are put in car seats that are not right for them.

Or toddlers with no car seat at all.

Im sick to death of seeing children in cars in the car seat which is not right for them.

Irresponsible parents.

As for the breastfeeding comment, more children are not breastfed rather than breastfed.

Wigeon · 09/01/2016 15:18

Although in this instance I happen to agree with you (on both counts), I would be very unimpressed if someone without children started making suggestions about what I should be doing with my children. Don't say anything.

SisterMoonshine · 09/01/2016 16:35

Well you must get in well with her if she's telling you how many kgs she is etc. They're not actually going against the law, just making a different choice from from the choice you would (theoretically) make.

AliceMum09 · 09/01/2016 20:01

Sorry, but I'm going to disagree with the majority!

I am a big believer that children should stay rear facing until they are 4 years old. I know for a fact that my sister in law (my brother's soon-to-be wife) has bought a Joie Stages seat to be used rear facing for my 18 month old niece simply because I have been discussing how much safer rear facing is. My niece has been rear facing up to now in a Britax First Class but has reached the 13kgs weight at which point you have to turn it to face forward. One of my best friends has bought an ERF seat again due to advice I gave her, and I'm hoping another friend and my cousin will buy bigger rear facing seats when their tiny babies outgrow their infant carriers. I've emailed them lots of info.

Ok, so I have three children (the youngest has a rear facing seat and she'll be 4 at the beginning of April) so perhaps they are accepting of my advice because of that.

cocacola could you start a general conversation about where she got the seat from and ask whether they told her anything about rear facing being safer? Maybe mention that you've read about bigger rear facing seats and make out like you're asking her for advice in case you have a baby any time soon? Would that be believable?

I'd rather be accused of interfering and being a busybody than stand back and do nothing. Today I'd just pulled up in a supermarket car park when a car pulled in next to me with an infant carrier (Maxi Cosi CabrioFix) in the back seat with the handle folded right back. I politely asked them whether they knew that the handle had to be upright when driving (to act as a rebound bar) and they didn't.

moggle · 12/01/2016 11:01

I'd quite happily mention to a stranger in a car park that they're not using their seat right, but going on about it to friends and family is a bit different. Sadly for my friends ERF seats are my "thing" that I bore them with. My DH has to give me "a look" when people start to glaze over as I talk about it... When the topic of next stage car seats came up amongst my 4 NCT friends, I said that our DD would be staying rear facing and mentioned about the law changing and how it was much safer and the crash test videos were scary blah blah. Results were:
-Mum 1 was really interested and asked for the links but then a few weeks later told me that their DD would have a FF car seat because her FIL had bought it without asking them and they didn't want to hurt his feelings by not using it.
-Mum 2 politely listened and said she was going to Toys r us to get the seat and would get whatever they recommended (turned out to be a cosatto FF seat).
-Dad 3 said their DS was already in a FF seat when in grandma's car and he loved it so they "didn't really have a choice".
-Family 4 - their DD is tiny - still only 14 or 15lb at 13m and only in 3-6m clothes, so will be in the infant seat for quite a while. I'm hoping I'll have more luck with them...

The only good thing I can find is that some of them didn't realise that their babies could stay in the infant carrier til their heads went past the top, so I think some of them have stayed in there longer than they would've otherwise.

I'm now trying to persuade my DB and SIL about ERF for my niece, but she's only 3m so I have plenty of time :-) SIL says "where do their legs go?". Hoping that seeing DD in her new ERF seat when we get it will make them happier about it. Also they forked out for the pebble plus and 2wayfix base so I assume they'll get the 2way Pearl for the next stage seat so at least they'll have the option.

moggle · 12/01/2016 11:05

Oh I often find with conversations like this, making up a mythical friend who told you about it can work well if you feel awkward... saying something like "Have you seen they make rear facing seats for older kids too now? My friend X [a parent] was going on about them and said they're way safer apparently?" Then you can always add in "Her husband's in the police and he refused to have forward facing seats for their kids after seeing too many collisions"...

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