How can I support my Husband during the diagnostic wait

[BobbleheadSteve]

Hi all,

TLDR -Husband in diagnostic cycle how to help with his anxiety and frustration.

This is more a mind dump of confusion than a question.

My husband had a colonoscopy 3 weeks ago where the discovered a lesion. They took a biopsy and referred for a CT Scan. He had the CT Scan on the 2nd May and then had a phone call telling him to go in for a face to face on the 7th May.

At that appointment he was told that the results of biopsy where inconclusive but he would need surgery. The CT was clear apart from what was discovered on the colonoscopy so goodish news. No one has said the word cancer yet but have mentioned worse case scenario or chemo. He had a MRI on 11th May and was due to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy to take further biopsies however that was cancelled as it was no longer need as they could see everything they need on the MRI.

He was due to have a Consultant appointment on Wednesday but that has been cancelled due to lack of availability, his Nurse is trying to get an AdHoc appointment but nothing yet. It has been a whirlwind up to this point and now to come to an abrupt halt is really frustrating him and I'm not really sure how to help him.

This is really hard for you both, and the waiting around before you have a plan is some of the hardest parts, even if it does end up being cancer, the not knowing is absolutely killer.

When I had cancer I wanted DH to pour support and sympathy in, and find somewhere else to put his own anxiety, grief, stress. I wanted him to not take anything personally, on my lowest days I was never angry at him, but I wasn't super pleasant to be around.

If he's not having any treatment yet maybe try to get out for a nice meal or something? My tastebuds changed on chemo and I couldn't enjoy things in the same way (back to normal now!) so we went out for a nice steak dinner before I started proper treatment. He might not have the headspace to enjoy though I guess.

I hope things move quickly for you and that you get the best possible news once you do see the consultant.

The waiting for tests, results and treatments can be torture. Looking back, I wish I'd spent more time in the sunshine, walking in the woods, going out with friends.
One kind of support was to be there for appointments - it can be overwhelming for the patient and just having someone there to remember what was said (taking notes or recording is also okay) can be so helpful as is talking it over afterwards.

We have the motto that it’s not a problem until we know it definitely is, and we stay chilled. That’s just our personalities, I suppose.
We both have been treated for cancer and he maybe on for a second round, just waiting for more information.

Thanks Guys!
We are trying to keep busy and doing fun things to keep his mind off things even if it just ferrying the kids around!

I'm going to the next appointment when it happens. I think two sets of ears are definitely better than one when lota of information is being given out.

I'm actually waiting for my own appointment for a weird lump on my skin but has they are seeing me as a routine appointment within the Skin Cancer Dept I'm not too worried about that