Likely breast cancer after ultrasound - thread 4

[spartanrunnergirl]

Hi all!

Thought I’d start thread 4. I’ll put links to the previous threads below.

Welcome.

The original thread was started after I had a mammogram recall and was told at the ultrasound that it was likely I had breast cancer - before biopsies were taken, and before I was ready to hear that (if you are ever ready to hear that).

Three full threads later we are still sharing support, experiences, and advice. We’ve celebrated breast cancer wins and thrown virtual hugs around those who’ve needed it. (We’ve all needed it 💗)

This is a hugely kind and caring bit of Mumsnet - where we’ve all felt that awful fear waiting for scans, tests, results, or with an early and uncertain breast cancer diagnosis.

You are not alone.

This is the awful club - full of awesome women💗

Thank you, I just feel so consumed by it all. Is this normal? I can’t seem to function at the moment.

I keep thinking it’s just too much for me.

Im glad you are able to find the joy, and frustration in the little things! That gives me some hope, right now I don’t feel like I have much.

Perhaps distraction would be the best thing I could do? I keep looking at other people’s stories, and I admire them so much but perhaps I’m taking on some of that trauma before I even have a diagnosis. I’m an anxious planner who sadly likes to be in control!

@Imtiredthisyear I have nothing to add beyond the other helpful comments posters have already made. The waiting to know is definitely the worst bit by far. Try to keep busy if you can and only read what you can cope with reading. Until you know what you are dealing with, a lot of info may be irrelevant to you. Just keep in mind that if it is cancer it is much more treatable than it used to be and new medical advances are being made all the time.

Thank you, I will try my best, believe it or not I really am. Im making myself eat, sitting in the sun, trying to listen to audiobooks.

I just seem to be having a really intense reaction to this, I wish I wasn’t.

Your very kind to take the time to respond it means more than you know. I don’t have anyone else to talk to who has experienced this.

thank you

@Imtiredthisyear

Hello, sending you a big hug.
I really think this is the toughest time mentally and emotionally, when you are waiting for information and treatment plans.

I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in February. I'm on week 9 of of 12 weekly chemo cycles. Weekly chemo has been physically brutal, but not as much as the anxiety waiting to start and the anticipation of what it was going to feel like and do to my body.
As rough as it is, I can tolerate the side effects if I focus on the end game. I had some really positive scan results this week which is dragging me through to the end and the next part of my treatment plan.
Its ok to feel scared, anxious, and worried for the future. Because cancer is all of those things. You are allowed to feel the fear, you don't have to be brave all the time. You are allowed to be angry at the unfairness of it all.
But try not to let that consume you.
Lean on your friends, tell them your fears. As things move forward you will find your own way to navigate it. At the moment mine seems to be double raspberry Magnums! Seriously though I try to get out for a walk every day, cuddle the cats, sleep/rest when I need to.
I try to ignore the relentlessly OTT positive, YouTubers. We can't all be dancing round our chemo poles wearing a tutu. They are mostly in the US and I assume are trying to raise funds for medical bills.
Try and find some real life support with other women going through the same. I have amazing friends but none of them can really understand how it feels to lose your hair.
None of us have any guarantees, but I would reiterate that modern medicine is truly amazing, survival rates are high and treatment is improving all the time.

@Imtiredthisyear Feeling afraid, having dark thoughts and feeling like you can’t cope are all really valid reactions to what you’re going through.
The phase you are in right now - the waiting phase - is honestly the toughest part, and it’s all so new and raw.
Once you know what you’re dealing with and the plan of treatment, then you will feel more in control.
It’s so tough because, like you say, we rarely know others in real life that have gone through what we are feeling.
I found MacMillan’s free helpline was an excellent source of comfort. They have trained counsellors to listen and nurses to answer any questions. You could try giving them a call.
Deep breath. One day at a time.

@Imtiredthisyearso sorry you are having such a difficult time . Can I join you in the waiting room . I have my cancer diagnosis but am just waiting for further tests and results to draw up my treatment plan . It’s like waiting for an impending storm but not knowing how bad it’s going to be. Life just seems to be on hold.
But I have taken inspiration by some of the amazing women on this thread who have been through it and are now back living their lives as normal . And this will be us one day soon. (I am hoping by Xmas!) and all this will be a distant memory.
I am potentially looking at a maesectomy so have spent my day looking at getting a cast of my breasts made before I lose one . Something I definitely would not of dreamed I would be doing 6 weeks ago before I found my lump. I guess we never know when life is going to throw us a curve ball

Thank you, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, it’s such a shit show. I don’t think I would be part of the chemo pole dancing crowd, but I’m glad it works for them!

Im glad you had a positive scan, that’s wonderful.

I love the almond magnums, my appetite hasn’t been good, but I’m enjoying jam on toast, comfort food.

I think I’m taking it so badly because I genuinely think it’s more advanced. I’ve been getting rib, hip, and lower back pain. I do have a couple of different health conditions that cause pain, so I know it’s not a given.

Im Sorry you’re waiting too, in some ways I wish I didn’t know, until they knew more! I think the waiting lets your mind go to some pretty dark places.

I feel the same, 1 week ago I was mildly concerned about the referral. I feel like my life has been imploded.

It’s incredible how supportive everyone is, and so wonderful that they are living full lives despite how hard it is.

Hi how are you doing today @Imtiredthisyear . Have been thinking about you

You’re very kind, a bit better today, I feel sick but I’m trying not to let it overwhelm me, I’m trying to laugh and smile.

I think I’m really expecting bad news, so my brain is trying to come to terms with it. I’m not being negative, but I just have a gut feeling.

No crying today, which is an improvement on the last few days.

I get it … when you are practically prepped by the surgeon that it’s highly suspicious ( that was told me ) then you can’t not think negative thoughts … however it is all dependent on the stage too , if it’s spread etc so there is still life after cancer which is the best possible outcome- that’s how I think but appreciate that might just be me … I got the results in from the lump they removed plus the lymph nodes on the app . While I can’t quite get to terms with the science of it all , I’ve worked out that it’s gone into the lymph nodes so it’s def going to be a mix of radiotherapy and chemo for me … I have a holiday booked at the end of Aug so need to discuss how treatment would work … i understand I can have a break which would allow me to go but then equally am fully prepared to be told I won’t be going …. When is your appointment @Imtiredthisyear?

@Imtiredthisyear so sorry to hear how much you’re struggling, agree with others that the waiting to know treatment period is the hardest. Once you have a concrete plan, you can start to process it more. If it might help, I had some leftover diazepam I was prescribed for my Dad’s funeral last year, and on days when I felt particularly anxious while waiting for formal diagnosis, I took them, they definitely took the edge off the anxiety.

Also agree with avoiding the positive YouTubers and excessive social media posts, and a really simple thing that works for me is to get up and about as early in the day as possible.

Final advice is that well meaning friends might try to minimise your concerns, the whole stay positive thing. It’s ok and totally normal to have days when you’ll find this difficult, and that’s where communities like this and the breast cancer now forum can be really good to say how you really feel.

I’m sorry you found it out from the app that’s got to be so difficult.

A holiday sounds like something to look forward too, I hope you can go, finding joy where you can is important.

I have a feeling it’s spread in my case, they sent me for a ct scan immediately. Even if it has I know I can be treated, that’s what I’m trying to focus on.

I made my kids pancakes today, trying to find a bit of normality. I have been extremely tired the last few months, I blamed it on other things but now I am letting myself rest more.

I don’t have an appointment yet, they said it could take 2-3 weeks. I’m trying to just not dwell on it 🙂

Honestly try not to worry , when I went for the mammogram and biopsy they booked me in for ct and mri immediately too . I think this is normal and may not mean it’s spread … Di you have a number of the breast clinic ? I would call the BCN to air your worries . I did that as wasn’t given an appointment immediately but once they realised how low I was they sent me an appointment. Even if it’s for an update I’d call

Thank you, I know I shouldn’t assume, I think I’m just going to ride it out.

You know when you just have a bad feeling about something, I hope I’m wrong of course, only time will tell.

Im definitely going to try and get some medication for the anxiety, whatever helps! Thank you for the advice ❤️

I’ve been given some diazepam, thank you for the advice. My mum is brilliant when it comes to health, but I’m just such a worrier, my mind just goes to really dark places.

My doctor was lovely, she said it’s unlikely that I will improve mentally until I know what I’m dealing with, but that there is support if I need it.

I just want to thank everyone again for being so kind, especially when I don’t have a diagnosis and you’re all dealing with a great deal more than me.

@Imtiredthisyear well done, that’s a really positive step forward. Do whatever it takes to make this easier 💐

Hello.
Just got told yesterday that Iikely have breast cancer and it's likely in the nodes. Waiting on CT scan and biopsy results. I have two young boys. All I can think is the worst and how I can't leave them. Please help

@Sekhahdjcd

Im sorry that you've had this news.
Whatever anyone says to you, you are going to worry. And its absolutely normal and natural to be thinking about your children.

But do try not to panic. You need all the information about your cancer and your treatment plan. The not knowing is honestly the worst bit.
Cancer is not death sentence. Modern drugs and treatments are amazing and are prolonging life for many of us.
Your life is going to change, treatment can be hard work, but there are options available to you.
On line groups like this are great but you do need your real life support.
Do you have a partner?

@Sekhahdjcd I’m sorry to hear that you have had this news . I echo everything that @Ted27 has said . The not knowing is the worst part so please keep talking on here or someone in real life it does help

Thank you both your kind words. I have a partner and supportive family, thank you.
Think I've really got in an anxiety spiral though. All I can think of is how they found things in my armpit and breastbone too, and how it must have spread. I can't look at my boys because I start crying. I'm in a state.

I’m in a similar situation, it’s really hard I’m sorry, especially when you don’t know what your dealing with.

There is meditation which can help if you feel you would benefit from it, I called my GP and they recommended diazepam. Just to take the edge of things.

Everyone has been lovely on here, keep chatting x

Thank you, that's a really good idea. Am aware that I'm catastrophising way more than needed or helpful, but the information vacuum is such that it's really hard not to. I'm sorry you're going through the same @Imtiredthisyear , and thanks for your kindness. It's just such a shock you know. I'm only 38, i thought they'd just send me away with a cyst or something.

I was the same , I didn’t even take anyone with me when I went initially to the breast clinic thinking it’s a squishy moveable lump so probably hormonal … it was a def shock to hear at that point . By the time it got confirmed 4 weeks later I’d kind of come to terms with it being cancerous which it was but was then focussed on treatment because there is treatments for it ! I have my post surgery appointment tomorrow morning so hoping to find out what my treatment plan is . I’m sure it’ll be chemo but not sure if that’s before radiotherapy or after … don’t know if it s just me but it gets slightly easier to live with once it’s confirmed and plans are in place so do hold in there xx

Ah sending love and hope it all goes well tomorrow. Are you nervous or just ready to get on with it?
I keep thinking they'll scan me and say it's spread all over and there's nothing they can do. That's my big fear