What/how to tell anxious DDs about DCIS diagnosis

[Confuzzleduzzled]

I have just been told I have DCIS breast cancer requiring a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. The consultant said I could have the lumpectomy as early as 8th May but I have 2 anxious teenage DDs and the older one starts her GCSE exams 3 days later.

DCIS is stage 0, it’s very treatable and I’m not particularly worried about myself but i am worried about how to tell them.

My dad (retired dr) suggested that I say it’s a benign lump requiring surgery and not to mention cancer or radiotherapy which wouldn’t happen till after her exams.

We have a very close and usually very honest relationship. I would need to tell work and probably a couple of friends the truth. Not sure about DD’s dad or his family or school.

Does this sound reasonable?

I think that sounds reasonable. Sounds like it’s very treatable and personally I would down play it for now, especially given exams. I hope it all goes well

Yes, hold back on the truth. Say it’s a cyst and you can always say that cancer was found after it was removed.
Best wish for the treatment!

I think you’re doing the right thing. No need to worry them when as you say, it’s highly treatable.
beat wishes for your upcoming treatment

Absolutely reasonable. The only reason you’d be holding back the full truth is to protect your dds exam chances. That is a kind and thoughtful thing to do. Wishing you all the best.

Sounds reasonable but make sure you have all angles covered. I would be questioning how come they can fit you in so quickly for something benign. Maybe say you were able to get a cancellation?

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Very best wishes for successful treatment.

Her exams will go on until the end of June though. Are you sure you won't have radiotherapy very soon? A friend was brought in less than 3 weeks after her lumpectomy as the results showed more cells at the outer edges so they did it again with radiotherapy very soon afterwards. End to end she had two lumpectomy's and radiation within 12 weeks and it was all done. No issues since to my knowledge but my point is they might move faster than you think and then you will be trying to manage the narrative with difficulty.

Is it worth doing a combination of your Dad's advice but with a bit of a wider scope so that if you are called back there isn't instant panic? There is a lump which looks very low risk and is classified as grade 0. Could be benign, could have a few dodgy cells but it's been found so early they don't know. Treatment plans have changed from the old days and the preference now is to whip it out as soon as possible and confirm the diagnosis. There is also a likelihood for a short course of preventative radiation therapy because again, that's now normal and the success rate of this approach from it developing into something more sinister is X%. It has the benefit of being true if your children hit on Dr.Google.

Tell them the truth. Anything else will make them not trust you going forwards.

I would just say it's a lump that needs to be removed and not mention cancer that's what I did.

My mum had the same when I was a child and didn’t tell me it was cancer. I think it was the right decision and I would do the same if this happened to me. I don’t think kids need to know everything, especially not right before exams.

Aside from their anxiety, is either of your DDs of a scientific and/analytic nature? Might they question the timing if you tell them that the lump turns out to be cancerous after all?

So sorry to hear this OP - not at all what you need. I would absolutely play it down - say it’s a cyst or something. Sending love and strength x

Sorry to hear, wishing you well, absolutely reasonable.

I wouldn't outright lie by saying it is benign, especially since you plan to tell them eventually but I would just say it's a cyst and then you can say it was found when it was removed.

My son is the one who had cancer and I didn't tell him straight away for various reasons and 2 years later, I still stand by the fact that it was the right decision.

I'd just be careful how many people you tell just in case it gets back to them before you are ready for them to know.

I went through this last year with one doing A Levels and one GCSEs. The children were absolutely fine as I explained that it was very early and nothing that needed worrying about. They will take the read from how you and wider family are dealing with it so important to be as relaxed as possible when talking to them about it.
it isn’t unusual to have to go for a second operation with DCIS as the margins are less clear. You may be better being honest than them worrying that something is going on that you haven’t told them about.

I’ve spoken to them. I basically said it pre-cancer (which it kind of is as it’s stage 0 and non-invasive) and I explained about the radiotherapy. They took it really well.

I’d have said the same. Or not told them at all. All the best with your treatment and full recovery

Id tell the truth, it is stage 0 and it is totally curable and you have the treatment all planned and sorted, they won't trust you again if you lie about this

I have to say I agree with this. That said, I got an unexpectedly “bad” scan result during my son’s exam week a month or so back and I waited until the end of that week to mention it.

I think you’ve done just the right thing. I wish you all the best with the treatment and hope that it will soon be far behind you with a minimum of fuss x

That's good.
Please their school know in case either of them starts to mull.it over and decides there is more to.it than you are letting on. Should there be any disappointment with results, the school will then have the info to support an appeal.